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Approaching & Conversational Probs
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Author:  routeone [ Tue Jan 02, 2007 8:11 pm ]
Post subject:  Approaching & Conversational Probs
Hi guys,

I found this forum by accident the other day and have been reading through some interesting threads.

I am trying to get into this whole thing and have real problems with approach anxiety. In the club last week there were a group of girls sat next to us having a good time and I know I should of gone over and got chatting but I don't know why, I just couldn't do it. I usually end up realising at the end of the night that there was a good opportunity there.

I think my main problem is I think about it too much, rather than just getting off my ass and saying "hi" I sit around mulling it over. When I approach girls I find it difficult to come up with the witty one liners that make them laugh, I don't want to start some boring conversation about work etc.

I suppose what I am looking for is some ideas on how to keep the conversation interesting and how to open without looking and sounding like a chump. I am based in the uk and a lot of the examples of openers on here seem to be more for the american culture.

Any help or motivating words of wisdom welcome :shock:
Author:  Enigma87 [ Tue Jan 02, 2007 8:31 pm ]
Post subject: 
alrite dude, im uk based2 only real way to get over anxiety is to do it. try opinion openers or anything really jus go and ask her a random question to get over the feeling of anxiety and soon now it turns more to like a buzz than a fear... although a little fear keeps you on your toes, :wink:
jus take an opener and if its us based then try give it the gud ol' english twist works a charm dude...
i hav been given a new opener from one of my recently single mates jus gettin in the game...
"if ur with ur freind, then go up to some girls and say my freinds outa money and is wanting to go home...so he's a little proud and dosnt like me paying for his drinks so if i give you some money will you go to the bar with me and buy his drink for him?"
still trying this out but no1 has declined as yet
Author:  routeone [ Tue Jan 02, 2007 10:13 pm ]
Post subject: 
Alright mate,

Thanks for replying. yeah I think I just need to do it and see what happens haha. Every opener I read just seems so cheesy or a really random question which will make you look like a tool.
Author:  Enigma87 [ Tue Jan 02, 2007 10:38 pm ]
Post subject: 
tool or not jus get stuck in. very recently i learnt not to worry...like i was laughed at by a group of 3 girls and i felt crushed i couldnt tell if they were being mean or not jus laughed and then froze out, not good.
so i turned and walked away as i walked away instead of hanging my head i thought **PUA ATTITUDE** and i swear it bothered me no more!
i went on and opened more sets... im only 19 and this was a huge leap in confidence for me.
Author:  Slai [ Wed Jan 03, 2007 10:21 am ]
Post subject: 
Best way to get over approach anxiety is just to open the SHIT outta everything. Old people, guys, girls, cats, plants, you name it. Dont worry about followup and conversation and such for now, just OPEN. After a while you realize that people actually like striking up conversations.

After all, if youre waiting for a bus and theres two other people standing there in utter silence, i bet my left foot that most of them would rather have a conversation than not.

Just think "Whats the worst that can happen?", and you generally find that theres no reason NOT to strike up a conversation. Worst case scenario: everyone at the bus stop hates you and they throw tomatoes at you. Best case scenario: you meet someone interesting and end up having a great time. Most likely scenario is that you entertain yourself by having a conversation until the bus arrives, and possibly during the busride, and the other person/people think youre fun to be around since you broke their expected "wait for bus and not talk" routine and engaged them in conversation.

Just open and talk about anything. Weather, why they do what they do for a living, how their weekend was, if they got something nice for christmas, favourite part about the holidays, it doesnt really matter that much.


If that makes any sense at all.
Author:  Street Map [ Wed Jan 03, 2007 1:16 pm ]
Post subject: 
I'm UK based in London.

I sit on the tube every day and people avoid eye contact. But take that as a sign of their insecurity and help it build your confidence.

I can genuinely say that most people i stop and talk to are very receptive in a positive mannor. (totally agree with the previous comment interact with as many people as possible, ticket sellers, bus drivers, taxi drivers.... get all the practice you can)

remember unless you hand out a great reason, it takes the same courage from a lady to ask you to leave them alone as it does for you to make the first contact.

Also the british reserved attitude can work in your favour as many girls will be too polite to ask you to leave or reject the initial approach where they may else where.

There is a tendency to focus on the reserved brit and see them as unapproachable. Turn this around and take the positives. The chances are a Brit girl gets hit on a lot less times a week than maybe other cultures. So the competition is low and she'll both enjoy and remeber the exchage more because of that.

Finally for anyone who does get the tube like me... Two things.

1. Never wear headphones, you might miss your moment
2. Smile it surpises the hell out of people but you'll be surpised how many smiles you get back!!

Best wishes all...
Author:  Monkey [ Thu Jan 04, 2007 5:24 am ]
Post subject: 
Two things to note.

First: The three-second rule is incredibly important. The moment you see a pretty girl, you have three seconds. Within those three seconds, you have to make the decision to talk to her, and move. Most of the time, I don't even give myself the choice. The three seconds are taken up counting "One, two, three," and then I start walking. If you're overthinking the approach, don't think. Just make up your mind and do it as quickly as possible. Take the ability to overthink away from yourself.

Second: The easiest way to get over approach anxiety is to get over your fear of rejection. My favorite way to do this is by playing a game called blowout. In blowout, your objective is to get as many girls as possible to reject you. Go in with standard material, make the girls like you to begin with, and then suddenly switch it around on them. Be a complete fool. Get them to kick you to the curb. It's a lot harder than it sounds, and when you realize that (reading about it is different from KNOWING it), you'll find approaching pretty women a lot easier.
Author:  evolver [ Thu Jan 04, 2007 1:31 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Approaching & Conversational Probs
Hi Routeone,

The previous replies are good value, but I'll add my two cents.

Approach anxiety doesn't necessarily go away, you just have to learn to manage it. Someone mentioned being able to handle rejection which is correct because even the best PUAs get shut down now and again. You just can't control every variable and if you happen to approach a girl who is having a bad night then there is not much you can do but move on.

The reality is, if you can go in and say "Hey guys, what's up?" with a strong voice and confident body language, most girls/groups will open. But don't expect them to start talking, you must follow up...

If you are stuck with something to say, you can use an opinion opener or canned routine but I am not a fan of that. If you want to come off as genuine and natural, try commenting on the environment (in a positive way, don't say negative stuff like "man it took me way too long to get served at the bar"). Talk about how your day was even if you were lazying on the couch. Eg. "I did absolutely nothing today and it was fantastic! Do you ever have one of those days where you just laze about and get fully relaxed? I love doing that every now and again. How was your day?"

Then use their responses to vibe. For example if she says "I went to the beach and worked on my tan." you can respond with "yeah the beach is fun, in fact I was down at <insert local beach name> last week, it's a great party place...have you ever partied there?"

Obviously your circumstances may be different (you may not live near beach), but I am trying to show you how to create a vibe. Once you get good at it (practice on everyone) you will be more confident in approaching. Then you can work on other stages such as isolating, kino etc

Cheers,

Evolver.
Quote:
Hi guys,

I found this forum by accident the other day and have been reading through some interesting threads.

I am trying to get into this whole thing and have real problems with approach anxiety. In the club last week there were a group of girls sat next to us having a good time and I know I should of gone over and got chatting but I don't know why, I just couldn't do it. I usually end up realising at the end of the night that there was a good opportunity there.

I think my main problem is I think about it too much, rather than just getting off my ass and saying "hi" I sit around mulling it over. When I approach girls I find it difficult to come up with the witty one liners that make them laugh, I don't want to start some boring conversation about work etc.

I suppose what I am looking for is some ideas on how to keep the conversation interesting and how to open without looking and sounding like a chump. I am based in the uk and a lot of the examples of openers on here seem to be more for the american culture.

Any help or motivating words of wisdom welcome :shock:
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