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Did I make a major mistake here or is this her fault?
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Author:  Heavylifter [ Tue Mar 18, 2014 2:54 pm ]
Post subject:  Did I make a major mistake here or is this her fault?
I have a disrespectful girlfriend. And I have no idea how it happened. I just hope it wasn't AFC behavior. Can you guys tell me why she rolls her eyes at me during an argument, and if this is a death sentence for the relationship? I have even called her out on it telling her not to do it, and she stopped but I noticed she did once last night.

-I've known her for a little under 2 years. We both got out of 3+ year relationships just a few months earlier, so took it slow for like 6 months and she asked me to be official. I made mention of still SEEING my ex and she still communicated to her ex up until this point and eventually a few months later we became official. She said she had trust issues with me because of this since I still saw my ex as we casually dated, but eventually we knew there was no more X.
-The sex has been amazing from day 1, and still is, as well as frequent.
-I see her usually once during the week, and twice on the weekend, with 1-2 sleepovers for those. Never see her more than 4 days in a week.
-I don't spend my free time texting her, and while she has complained a bit on this, she has said she knows I am busy and not a big texter.
-We used to talk about people hitting on us to each other to get the other person jealous, but had a talk about it and cleared up that behavior. Up until this point I had been non reactive to her mentions of these people, but she took it too far once by not telling a guy to buzz off after he sent her a nude pic. We pretty much set boundaries from this point, and since then (about 2 months ago) no more of this crap. We both agreed that we should respect each other and the talk was not controlling. She went crazy panic mode when I was a bit more distant as a result of her actions here, and I made sure not to come off as insecure.
-We always joked with each other, and I pretty much agreed and amplified any of her jokes, but then I noticed they became more mean spirited. I called her out on it and said that any snide comments or name calling pushes me away and I want a healthy relationship with a woman, that can be with you or without. Since then, this has stopped. This is a trend, she is combative for no reason, I nip it in the bud, and it changes and she apologizes.
-She has had an issue with me respecting her too. She says she did things for me and I didn't say thank you, didn't call her nice names, didn't want to listen to her gossip or I just was playful when she wanted to vent a bit, ect
-I have always, from day 1, been confident and borderline arrogant, as well as DECISIVE and she constantly harps on these two things. She has said "hey its your song playing!" and it was "I did it My Way" by Frank Sinatra
-I don't let her: show up late (even tho she is a chronically late person everywhere else), talk on the phone in front of me, text while with me (even tho she keeps trying, I will push the phone away) but I also hold myself to this
-I helped her learn her body with orgasms. After sex tho, we started having talks that I aimed to be constructive, but she took as me never being happy or me criticizing her/complaining. I always reassured her and the sex amount never went down, but she started saying "50 percent of the time it is great and we lay there happy, the other 50 I think it's good and you are mean, I don't want to have sex with someone who is mean right after" (we still do)
-As far as being emotional, I never have yelled at her, not even once.
-Finally, little things like trying to force me to eat something I didn't want to eat (to which I said no sternly), or putting a piece of food on my plate without asking....or helping me get ready for work by giving me food for my lunch (this was very nice but not sure if she is just being nice or treating me like a child)

PRETTY MUCH, every single disrespectful action that I have told her I won't put up with (name calling, combativeness, entertaining sexual picture even tho she didn't send one back) she has apologized for and stopped, but the EYE ROLLING/SIGHING when we had a talk last night persisted (tho she didn't think I saw it, I was looking down)

About her:
-She is 21, has a crude sense of humor (we are talking poop jokes, ect), has disrespected her dad in front of me tons of times (we are talking belittling his career even tho he supports 4 kids!), her mom wears the pants in their household. She is free spirited, insecure, hippy like. She gets jealous of girls too. She makes fun of random people alot. So she wasn't exactly brought up as a respectful person in general I guess, plus the mom wearing the pants is her model for relationships, her dad not having a strong frame ect....

She says she respects me



GUYS: Should I dump her ass? I have never cheated on her and vice versa, we do fun things like vacations, I have sex on tap (Which is WEIRD to me considering my issue with her is respect, and guys who aren't respected by their women don't get pussy)

And currently we are on good terms. I was guilty of disrespecting her too (I admit it and owned up to it) but I have changed my ways and I don't roll my eyes at her.

WHY THE HECK WOULD A GIRL ROLL HER EYES AT SOMETHING A CONFIDENT, DECISIVE guy who has called her out before has to say. The issue at hand was important to her (that I didn't listen to her) so maybe she was just expressing disagreement and not contempt?
Author:  BITmixit [ Tue Mar 18, 2014 4:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Did I make a major mistake here or is this her fault?
Quote:
I have a disrespectful girlfriend.
I've read your post. I don't think you have a disrespectful girlfriend. I think you are the problem here but first of all
Quote:
-The sex has been amazing from day 1, and still is, as well as frequent.
THEN THERE IS NO PROBLEM.
Quote:
-As far as being emotional, I never have yelled at her, not even once.
You don't have to yell to come across as emotional.
Quote:
-Finally, little things like trying to force me to eat something I didn't want to eat (to which I said no sternly), or putting a piece of food on my plate without asking....or helping me get ready for work by giving me food for my lunch (this was very nice but not sure if she is just being nice or treating me like a child)
She's being a nice girlfriend, a caring girlfriend. You should reward stuff like this. Not get suspicious.
Quote:
PRETTY MUCH, every single disrespectful action that I have told her I won't put up with (name calling, combativeness, entertaining sexual picture even tho she didn't send one back) she has apologized for and stopped, but the EYE ROLLING/SIGHING when we had a talk last night persisted (tho she didn't think I saw it, I was looking down)
So? she rolled her eyes and your complaining. Oh woe is me that you get

Sex on tap.
Sandwiches made for you.
She apologizes when she's in the wrong (this is rare for women)

AND SHE ROLLED HER FUCKING EYES. FUCKIN BITCH MAN!. Have you ever considered that she rolled her eyes because she is constantly changing herself for you but you just seem to find more and more and MORE AND MORE AND MORE to pick out about her, her attitude and herself as a person?

She sounds more like a fuck buddy then a girlfriend. I have mutual respect the girl I'm seeing, from your post its "MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY" attitude. There's a BIG DIFFERENCE between

taking control aka: "Lets go to the cinema tuesday, you sneak the popcorn in, I'll sneak the beers in ;)"

and being controlling: "You'll take popcorn in. Don't be late either. Exactly 9 o'clock. btw we're seeing The grand Budapest hotel. Starts at 9:15."
Quote:
-She is 21, has a crude sense of humor (we are talking poop jokes, ect)
All girls find these funny for some stupid reason. Look at that film "Bridesmaids" its rubbish yet praised by females as their version of Pineapple Express or something like that.
Quote:
has disrespected her dad in front of me tons of times (we are talking belittling his career even tho he supports 4 kids!)
Most girls have daddy issues. Do what the rest of us do. Listen, take it in whilst thinking about bacon or something.
Quote:
She says she respects me
She does, you just don't believe her or refuse to for some reason. This is your problem not hers.
Quote:
GUYS: Should I dump her ass? I have never cheated on her and vice versa, we do fun things like vacations, I have sex on tap (Which is WEIRD to me considering my issue with her is respect, and guys who aren't respected by their women don't get pussy)
Because you're reading it wrong. You're taking it to a level above what it should be. She messaged guys because you messaged girls. She respects you more then you respect her judging from your post. YOU are the problem here not here. You're going to dump her because she rolled her eyes after an argument (all women do this.)

Grow the fuck up mate.
Quote:
And currently we are on good terms. I was guilty of disrespecting her too (I admit it and owned up to it) but I have changed my ways and I don't roll my eyes at her.
WHY IS THE ROLLING EYES SUCH A BIG ISSUE TO YOU. EVERY GIRL I KNOW DOES THIS ESPECIALLY IF THE GUY IS IN THE RIGHT BUT SHE REFUSES TO ACCEPT IT or simply because you aren't the one backing down. You don't have to be this alpha, controlling douchebag all the time. In fact switching between alpha control to mutual respect will keep her on her toes.
Quote:
WHY THE HECK WOULD A GIRL ROLL HER EYES AT SOMETHING A CONFIDENT, DECISIVE guy who has called her out before has to say.
Well...I'm gonna give you a massive hint here. Its weird but here it goes.

She...is...wait for it...

A GIRL

She's female, they are weird. They don't think logically or admit when they're wrong.
Quote:
The issue at hand was important to her (that I didn't listen to her) so maybe she was just expressing disagreement and not contempt?
You state your an alpha and in control but yet you think like a beta/AFC.

AFC/Beta: Maybe she was expressing this, maybe she was disagreeing, maybe this, maybe that.

Alpha: None of that matters. She looks sad, lets boss it and get her smiling/fuck her.

p.s. stop being such a douchebag:

Alpha + Nice Guy = Fucking pussy everywhere for you.

AFC + Nice Guy = Fucking nothing, girls will literally laugh at your attempts to pick up girls.
Author:  Mr. Assertive [ Tue Mar 18, 2014 11:55 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Did I make a major mistake here or is this her fault?
You are overthinking it a bit much...Honestly, a relationship will have its ups and downs, there is no way around that. Arguing here and there is pretty normal and the eye roll is normal as well. She still sounds like she is acting like a good girlfriend. I would pick your battles since it seems that she is doing pretty well to be a good girlfriend. You can't fight on everything, as long as she is treating you well, a few eye rolls won't hurt you.
Author:  Heavylifter [ Thu Mar 27, 2014 9:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Did I make a major mistake here or is this her fault?
would you guys consider the following comments disrespectful?

1.
Her: What are you looking at?
Me: (staring at reflection) nothing much
Her: nothing much is right


2. Guy: his dancing is good!
Me: I know i am bro!
Her: maybe for an epileptic

(called her out calmly, she apologized said she was joking tho)

3.
Me: I want to only take one pill
Her: take two!
Me: nope 1
(hours later)
Her: I took 2 because I'm not a wimp

(just ignored this one)


These are the types of comments im talking about! I called her out and told her, I'm not mad, but the epileptic comment is not something we are doing out of respect ect.


By the way she SAYS TO ME that I am good at calling out her rudeness ect., so she knows I call her out, is that enough or do I need to freeze her out if she makes these kind of comments off the cuff to make her miss me?
Author:  Heavylifter [ Thu Mar 27, 2014 9:29 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Did I make a major mistake here or is this her fault?
bump help!
Author:  Melodical [ Thu Mar 27, 2014 10:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Did I make a major mistake here or is this her fault?
Here's some help for you...: Re-read BITmixit's post :roll:
Author:  Heavylifter [ Thu Mar 27, 2014 10:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Did I make a major mistake here or is this her fault?
Quote:
Here's some help for you...: Re-read BITmixit's post :roll:

even after what I just posted?

we had the disrespectful comments talk about a month and a half ago and I don't want her to think she can get away with saying things that are disrespectful, after we had the talk, because then she knows I'll be sticking around no matter what her behavior
Author:  GamesSN [ Thu Mar 27, 2014 10:53 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Did I make a major mistake here or is this her fault?
Quote:
Quote:
Here's some help for you...: Re-read BITmixit's post :roll:

even after what I just posted?

we had the disrespectful comments talk about a month and a half ago and I don't want her to think she can get away with saying things that are disrespectful, after we had the talk, because then she knows I'll be sticking around no matter what her behavior
Yeah. You're an emotionally insecure dick.

Chick is just joking around with you. You're going to lose her if you take her jokes too seriously. Some people are just like that, it's part of their charm that makes them interesting. It's cheeky but not disrespectful. Consider it c/f and women fucking love guys that are c/f.
Author:  Heavylifter [ Thu Mar 27, 2014 11:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Did I make a major mistake here or is this her fault?
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Here's some help for you...: Re-read BITmixit's post :roll:

even after what I just posted?

we had the disrespectful comments talk about a month and a half ago and I don't want her to think she can get away with saying things that are disrespectful, after we had the talk, because then she knows I'll be sticking around no matter what her behavior
Yeah. You're an emotionally insecure dick.

Chick is just joking around with you. You're going to lose her if you take her jokes too seriously. Some people are just like that, it's part of their charm that makes them interesting. It's cheeky but not disrespectful. Consider it c/f and women fucking love guys that are c/f.

I have to ask then man....what is considered disrespectful? [bAbout half the PUA sites say this backhanded humor is still disrespect and the other half say ignore it or call it out if you find it offensive.[/b]

It is disrespectful: If her tone were serious and the insult was direct? AKA "you are a fucking loser get a job." If she flaked, didn't return calls, ect? If her snide comments were more like "yeah right, you'll never get that job." Or if she threw fights in public, ect? She does not do this stuff, tho before we talked about it she might have made a few insults not too many

And how the hell would I know if she didn't respect me? No sex? Angry insults?

This girl likes to say things like "of course I'm not shallow, I'm dating you!" ect. which are jokes, I get that.


MOST IMPORTANTLY: The fact that she says "you are so good at calling me out when I'm rude" mean she knows I'm not a doormat?

this stresses me the fuck out lol. the sex is great, she goes crazy into a tizzy when I do anything out of the norm with seeing her "are you going to flake on me?" "i hope you will listen to me and not call me negative" ect

so i know she has high interest level
Author:  GamesSN [ Thu Mar 27, 2014 11:25 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Did I make a major mistake here or is this her fault?
Quote:
I have to ask then man....what is considered disrespectful? If her tone were serious and the insult was direct? AKA "you are a fucking loser get a job." If she flaked, didn't return calls, ect? If her snide comments were more like "yeah right, you'll never get that job." Or if she threw fights in public, ect?
Hanging out of other guys, flirting with other people, bitching about you, having you do everything for her, looking down on you, etc.

Joking is not disrespect. It is what it is: A joke.
Quote:
And how the hell would I know if she didn't respect me? No sex? Angry insults?
You honestly think no sex is not being respectful? Man... How do you have a girlfriend.

Angry insults and pretty much all of the above are when you know she's not respectful. If she does things that make you uncomfortable(Which I can tell would be just about anything...) then she's being disrespectful IF what annoys you is understandable and not simply controlling or crazy.
Quote:
This girl likes to say things like "of course I'm not shallow, I'm dating you!" ect. which are jokes, I get that.
She sounds pretty fun to me if she jokes like that. She doesn't come across as serious which is usually pretty cool. Wouldn't be marriage material for me personally but fun to hang with and fuck.

Quote:
MOST IMPORTANTLY: The fact that she says "you are so good at calling me out when I'm rude" mean she knows I'm not a doormat?
Because you get pissed with her when she jokes and she wants to make peace. It's totally on you dude. You're overreacting to simple things. She's being respectful by apologising when she does things that are totally fine but actually annoy you.
Author:  Heavylifter [ Thu Mar 27, 2014 11:31 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Did I make a major mistake here or is this her fault?
what I was alluding to, games, is not "she doesnt respect me if she doesn't give me sex", but rather "a girlfriend who doesnt respect a man probably won't want sex often (think sucky marriage with beta husband type shit)"
Author:  JakeP [ Fri Mar 28, 2014 3:46 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Did I make a major mistake here or is this her fault?
Heavylifter, I agree with you, it appears she has disrespected you at times.

My take on it is that you seem to be more mature and she is a 21-yo girl who is "free-spirited" and generally not well suited to a LTR. (btw, how old are you?)

I am somewhat like you, I wouldn't enjoy the comments about dancing, etc., her being too sassy from a girl I take seriously enough to date long-term. I think your frame is correct: I am a catch, I am rare and I am in demand. This girl has proven to me she's good enough to be with me, cause I don't just let any floozy that I fuck be MY girl.

However, she may simply not be ready for a more mature relationship at your age. I had the same difficulties in college because growing up, I always hung out with my sister, her bf and their friends who were 6-7 years older than me. So in the 8th & 9th grades, I was hanging out with people who were getting ready to graduate college, etc.,. Thus, by the time I was 21 or so, I was already used to acting much more maturely in my interpersonal relationships. I was in a relationship at 22 with a 21 year-old woman (like yours) who had a lot of the same issues. There's nothing wrong with it, a lot of people are like that at that age. People like myself, and perhaps you, are not typical. A lot of these girls will grow up fast in 2-3 years, they'll be out of college, get a job and then their biological clocks start ticking. Party mode is turned off, and all of a sudden they're professionals who are invested in their jobs (or at least portray themselves as such) and start going for the more mature, professional guys in their 30's for LTRs.

Your problem is that there is a discrepancy in emotional maturity between the two of you.
She acts like...a 21-year old girl, but you sound like an older guy (maybe only mentally or emotionally) who has a lower tolerance for bullshit as many older men and women do. (this is why dating older women can be a lot of fun...something you should look into if you're running into these problems.)

They don't know what they want ever, and they certainly don't know at 21. She'll probably be regretting not staying with you 4-5 years. This means you have three options:

1.) Break up with her.

2.) Keep the relationship in the status quo. Continuing chafing at her comments and behavior, but stick around for the awesome sex.

3.) You realize you don't want to give her up for the sex or for other reasons just yet. You stop giving a shit. You realize she's not "the one". You know it all ultimately doesn't matter, because she'll wind up just another notch on your bedpost. You give her shit right back when she gives you shit, but it's in an assertive, almost deadpan fashion because you genuinely don't care that much about her or her acting like a shithead anymore. She picks up on this, realizes you're in charge and backs off. The sex gets better. She gets quieter and is happier with you. She's raw clay in your hands. You now have all the power. You've given up trying to tame her and simply focus on your own happiness and maintaining your own dignity. She's just along for the ride. Then something happens. You realize she is too easy. There are hotter girls out there and your stock is high. You don't care because you can get a girl whenever you want to, and one that's hotter, better at sex and has a better personality. You just need to stop caring, be willing to lose her, and then you will gain her and everyone else. Stop trying so hard.


IMHO, number 3 is your best option
Author:  Lionheart9999 [ Fri Mar 28, 2014 6:48 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Did I make a major mistake here or is this her fault?
Bitmixx does have good advice, as long as a woman doesn't take advantage of you or start losing interest because of the comments
Author:  Heavylifter [ Fri Mar 28, 2014 1:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Did I make a major mistake here or is this her fault?
Jake i am 25 lol so you are correct im a bit older. I am out of college, she is just finishing up. Ive always been mature for my age, she is oretty damn immature and childish.

Do you think she realizes she is being disrespectful though?
Author:  BITmixit [ Fri Mar 28, 2014 2:54 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Did I make a major mistake here or is this her fault?
Quote:
Jake i am 25 lol so you are correct im a bit older. I am out of college, she is just finishing up. Ive always been mature for my age, she is oretty damn immature and childish.

Do you think she realizes she is being disrespectful though?
ARGVHGHGHGHGHHG

SHE ISN'T BEING DISRESPECTFUL!!! As another user posted she's being respectful by apologizing to you when you're the one being emotionally sensitive.

The fact that you've asked us if you should dump her because of her attitude towards you is just weird. It's like you're placing your emotional neediness to constantly be respected (yet again she's NOT disrespecting you anyway) so high that you can't even take a joke.

I can 100% promise you that if you keep reacting to her behavior with comments about her behavior then you will lose her or she'll start cheating on your or something.

Yet again just like everything else in PUA if she is JOKING (which she is) and YOU find it disrespectful then its YOUR fault.

I use to have a mate exactly like you. I come from a city where BANTER is the norm. I grew up being called a dickhead, twat, cunt, bellend, useless lil shithead everyday. At one point I took it personally but as I grew older...as long as you're someone I know is a friend or interested in me blahblahblah. What you say doesn't matter.

If by the end of the day you end up buying me a beer then what you said during the day = Doesn't matter to me.

If by the end of the day you've got a girl in your bed getting pounded and taking it like a good girl = Doesn't matter what's she said to me during the day.

What a girl says and does are too completely different things. Take what she says and respond to it like she's your annoying little sister. Take what she does and turn it into something sexual.

This is how men get women to insert objects into their arses and walk about with them in there all day.
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