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| Dealing with insecure behaviour https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=176849 |
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| Author: | Sharklasers [ Sun Mar 16, 2014 11:20 am ] |
| Post subject: | Dealing with insecure behaviour |
I've had these issues with a number of girls, mainly because the artsy style chicks I like are very sensitive and somewhat insecure. This results a range of crazy behaviours like interpreting what I've said in a way that is negative, or convincing herself that I'm angry at her over nothing. Two approaches I've taken were: 1) Trying to help her with it(I've got a Psychology degree) by going through self-help techniques. 2) Ignoring her/freezes out so that bad/needy behaviour doesn't get rewarded. However it still continues and I'm wondering if it's worth just throwing in the towel. However I'd feel like I have failed in that sense. Surely there must another way of dealing with this? |
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| Author: | johngoldman [ Sun Mar 16, 2014 12:49 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Dealing with insecure behaviour |
I might change your perspective up a bit and stop focusing on fixing the girls and take a deeper look at yourself. I don't know you well enough, however my hypothesis is that this pattern of dating insecure girls has less to do with their "artsiness" and more to do with yourself. The question I might be asking myself is "What am I telling these girls that makes them upset? " I would talk with these girls and try to understand where they're coming from rather than trying to fix them. Just my 2 cents... |
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| Author: | Mr. Assertive [ Sun Mar 16, 2014 6:20 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Dealing with insecure behaviour |
it's not really your job to be a girls therapist. Just be there to give her good feelings. |
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| Author: | cerebralassassin [ Sun Mar 16, 2014 6:41 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Dealing with insecure behaviour |
why are you trying to fix a girls problems? is it your trying to be her therapist or more likely her knight in shining armour. the problem for you is this girls like to put guys into categories, like 'great dates' or 'therapist' and guess what she doesnt sleep with either! Great dates usually means he'll shell out the money because ill put the carrot on the stick dangle the lure of sex with him but never actually deliver because she knows when she allows you to bang her the dates will stop. therapist usually means your gonna be her emotional tampon, everyone time she falls out with someone usually the guy she actually banging or 'great dates' and thatll be over why after 20 dates has she not allowed him to plough her. and guess what after the argument she'll call you, and why would she do that because you listen to her stroke her hair and talk about why they arent right for her...... in essence you've become her girlfriend with a penis!!!! am i saying ignore their personal problems no not at all but if you encourage it then she'll keep coming back to you for emotional support and you become her therapist, |
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| Author: | Sharklasers [ Sun Mar 16, 2014 9:32 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Dealing with insecure behaviour |
Thanks to you all for your informative replies. In response to Johngoldman.. I'll definitely have to think over what you've said here. I fear you may be right, I just tend to find people that create music or write poetry tend to be sensitive and highly responsive to the emotional stimuli around them.. I guess that's what makes them artistic. However you may be right, I may be attracting these insecure types because their low self esteem makes them easier? Maybe I'm attracted to the drama? I'll have to ponder that one for while till I reach the answer. In response to xcrazyoney2kx. As much as I appreciate your observation and concern, you haven't really provided any insight on how to deal with the behaviour I've mentioned. You've said “the problem for you is this girls like to put guys into categories, like 'great dates' or 'therapist' and guess what she doesnt sleep with either!” … equally you've said “am i saying ignore their personal problems no not at all”. So really you've said both sides of the story but not really concluded. What would you suggest doing? |
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| Author: | Monsignor Crisanto [ Sun Mar 16, 2014 9:43 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Dealing with insecure behaviour |
Quote: This results a range of crazy behaviours like interpreting what I've said in a way that is negative, or convincing herself that I'm angry at her over nothing.
I have the same problem before even with very independent and emotionally secure girls but NOT anymore. You might want to fix the tone of your voice. You can start by changing your vibe from serious to laid back. How? Watch more of those Mr. Bean series and other funny stuff. It worked for me. It might work fer yah. |
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| Author: | JakeP [ Mon Mar 17, 2014 2:38 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Dealing with insecure behaviour |
Not enough info to know for sure, but other posters have given some pretty good advice. Don't ever be a therapist, don't care, and if it keeps happening, maybe it is your vibe/tone of voice etc., You need to genuinely believe you are confident for a woman to believe it. You're there to "give her good feelings". Try and avoid her when she's bitchy and make sure you around when it's time for fun. |
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| Author: | cerebralassassin [ Mon Mar 17, 2014 7:07 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Dealing with insecure behaviour |
what im saying is if you want to be a shoulder to cry on, fine go ahead but be prepared to be in the friendzone, the thing is there is really no 100% correct answer because theres so many variables, the main one is what are they insecure about? i know enough girls but they are all insecure about something different for example it could be their weight, their looks, their personality,a bad breakup,bad clothes and so on and so on. but every different problem has a way of being dealt with, but what works with person a may not work with person b. what im saying is dont encourage her to talk her problems or insecurities, they will talk to their boyfriends about their insecurities but being honest your not their boyfriend, and they talk to their friends that they arent sleeping with about them. try to change the subject without being cold. |
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