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Approach anxiety, what do you do for fix it
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Author:  erv9870 [ Sat Mar 15, 2014 3:34 pm ]
Post subject:  Approach anxiety, what do you do for fix it
Hello guys, I have been trying to approach to some women for the last 3 week. The problem is that i complain, I thinking a lot, I think about tips for approaching but when I have to approach to a women, I start to rationalize and finally I not approach. I did a promise, the promise was: "I will approach to 1 women and i will have 2 days for do it." Always I postpone my promise for the second day and the second day I don't do it....

One year ago, I could approach to women but after I leave of practice for 4-6 month, i can't approach :(

So, i would like to know, what you do for fixing approach anxiety?

Regards.
Author:  johngoldman [ Sat Mar 15, 2014 4:03 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Approach anxiety, what do you do for fix it
The only way to conquer approach anxiety is by taking action. If you can't do it alone, maybe you should hook up with some other guys who are trying to do the same thing. You can encourage and provide support to each other while you're out.
Author:  Mr. Assertive [ Sat Mar 15, 2014 4:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Approach anxiety, what do you do for fix it
there is no quick fix, either your practice until it doesn't affect you anymore or you try to change the way you think about approach anxiety.
Author:  KondomiZer [ Sat Mar 15, 2014 5:51 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Approach anxiety, what do you do for fix it
Quote:
Hello guys, I have been trying to approach to some women for the last 3 week. The problem is that i complain, I thinking a lot, I think about tips for approaching but when I have to approach to a women, I start to rationalize and finally I not approach. I did a promise, the promise was: "I will approach to 1 women and i will have 2 days for do it." Always I postpone my promise for the second day and the second day I don't do it....

One year ago, I could approach to women but after I leave of practice for 4-6 month, i can't approach :(

So, i would like to know, what you do for fixing approach anxiety?

Regards.
Firstly .... don't think of approach too much... when you're out with your friends and you see a girl... jus go for It.... you could also bet with your friends and similar stuff.... make your goal to talk to the gurl... not seduce her.... :D
Author:  bartm [ Sat Mar 15, 2014 9:53 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Approach anxiety, what do you do for fix it
here is how I deal with my AA
I see rejection as success. why? because the more rejections I have under my belt, the better I will get.

the primary reason for my AA is fear of rejection or fear of being told "get the fuck away from me"
so I approach for that very purpose. I approach to get rejected. if you do the same, the next time you are about to approach, you won't think "wait, what if she rejects me?" because you have redefined rejection as success. you WANT her to reject you.

some days I even go on "mission rejection"...I take a piece of paper with me and put a check mark every time I get rejected. I will not go back home until I have 10 check marks.

remember rejection is something to be proud of, who do you think has had more rejections, Mystery or 40 year old virgin.

it may not work for you but it's effective for me.
Author:  erv9870 [ Sun Mar 16, 2014 3:54 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Approach anxiety, what do you do for fix it
Great answers guys and good forum.

Thanks for the tips.

@bartm, i'm going to meditate about your answer and create a new goal.

Regards.
Author:  hugge [ Sun Mar 16, 2014 8:23 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Approach anxiety, what do you do for fix it
You should be aware that making an approach is actually rarely a good way to make contact. There are better ways, more fine tuned, smooth and "under the radar" that will make rejections a thing of the past. It is good to get rid of your AA and fear of rejection though by forcing yourself to take action. It will make you more confident. But once that is done, you should focus on getting smoother.

Approaching, if done wrong, make it clear to the girl that you want something from her, which can make her uncomfortable and reject you. In old youtube clips a guy called Love Drop, friend with Mystery, described how you should open over your shoulder. And by reading The Game, you know about opinion openers. All these things are just attempts to hide the PUAs agenda. Just dropping comments as you walk by is a good way to open without risking rejection.

Learning to read the signals (especially the you-may-approach-me-signal) is another important step. I have recommended the following clip in other threads before:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZ9_t2gizCc

Building rapport and having the same energy level is yet another very important technique. Learn about the NLP-technique pacing and leading, and you will be able to build rapport before you even approach!

And finally, it is always best to make indirect approaches. Talk to people, just about anyone close to your target, like her friends and other people. This way you will get social proof and create attraction before you make contact.
Author:  erv9870 [ Sun Mar 16, 2014 4:44 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Approach anxiety, what do you do for fix it
@hugge, thanks for the advice but I prefer be more natural and direct.

NLP, rapport, reading signals, etc... Complain me. I have been more success when I was very direct and natural than when I used some techniques.

Regards.
Author:  cerebralassassin [ Sun Mar 16, 2014 6:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Approach anxiety, what do you do for fix it
there are several ways to look at why you get it and how to deal with it... i would say 99% of it comes from the fact that guys are stuck in their own head analysing the why you cant or wonts. 'what if she laughs at me''what if she dont like me' 'what if she screams at me' and so on and so on.... and guys will ask themselves this to the point of weighing in the pros and cons.

now to dealing with it.

a lot may say do visualisation or hypnosis or mentally rehearse..which is ok however there is a problem in this because in that your already too much in your own head as it is. so your just gonna spend more time in it and analysing again.

another is just to push through it but this has the problem of if it does go badly its just going make you feel worse.then youll go back to analysing the problem.

there is something ross jeffries talked about called acceptance confidence in which you only talk to yourself in fact rather then thinking about what ifs. so rather then thinking about it going wrong or right, saying to yourself: 'i dont know whats going to happen,i like not knowing, so im going to go over have some fun and learn something either about her or myself'

now to something interesting only once have i ever seen anyone react badly to being approached and honestly it wasnt the girl who reacted badly it was the girl with her because she wasnt getting any attention and probably felt isolated.
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