PUA Forum :: Girlfriend flirting with other guy problem

Hey man, my first thought is that she's only 18, and at this age girls are not mature enough for a relationship. She'll receive plenty of approaches from guys, and she'll be more than happy to entertain some of these advances at least via text or snapchat or whatever 18 year olds are using. By confronting her you will only get her to see that you have trust issues and you will appear threatened by this guy, which does nothing to increase her attraction to you. You should play it cool, keep going with the relationship and unless she meets with the guy the interest in texting him will disappear eventually. If she agrees to meet with him, it's a different ball game. She may cheat, and that't a sad fact...

Well the thing is: we live in a small town with very limited clubbing scene. So even if they don't meet they will bump into eachother sooner or later anyway.

So I shouldn't confront her then? I understand what you're saying and I agree, but it's gonna be damn hard for me to keep my mouth shut about it

Anyway thanks for the insight

Hey guys,

I've been together with my current girlfriend for good 3 months now. Everything seems to be going great, we had sex for the first time last week (it was her first time, she's 18 I'm 22, I waited until she was ready), last weekend her parents invited me over for dinner and everything went well. She's even eating at my place for christmas with my parents.

Now for the problem, about a month ago she was going out with just her friends (I was playing poker with friends somewhere else) and all of a sudden she texts me she's already going home. It was only around 12 so I asked her why she wasgoing home so early. She told me a friend of hers has been hitting on her and tried to kiss her multiple times, so she got mad and left.

My first reaction wasn't very happy and I wanted to know his name but she refused to tell me, which made me even more 'not very happy'

So after some arguing through text she eventually told me his name, after which she told me she could handle it and I told her I trust her so everything was good.

However, I have noticed last month she keeps getting texts from this dude and she keeps replying to them. I haven't read them but he's obviously still flirting with her. I also just noticed he just became one of her favorites on Snapchat (application to send pictures to eachother).

So what do I do guys? Should I call her out on this, ask her what's up with this guy or should I just ignore it? I'm obviously having some trust issues here but I don't want her to know I have. Or atleast I THINK it wouldn't be good if she knows I have

I still flirt with other girls from time to time (I'm not sure if she knows) so I don't want to be too much of a hypocrite, but the guy already tried to kiss her for fucks sake.

Oh and she DID tell the guy she has a boyfriend, so it's not like she's pretending to be single or anything.

Hope you guys can enlighten me with some advice

I agree with the post above.

In all fairness, she did let you know that she was leaving because some guy was making her uncomfortable. You have to give her some credit as she didn't have to let you know this.

If you get jealous after she willingly releases information like this to you, do you think she will maybe re-think about doing it next time? (Because she doesn't want to 'upset' you).

I always have a ton of female friends, but when I am in a relationship I am 100% faithful. When dating I don't have to worry about my girlfriend, and they don't have to worry about me. On the other hand, she is 18.. so I'm guessing you didn't pick her for her maturity.

- Lucas

Author:	salasa [ Wed Dec 25, 2013 12:10 pm ]
Post subject:	Girlfriend flirting with other guy problem
Hey guys, I've been together with my current girlfriend for good 3 months now. Everything seems to be going great, we had sex for the first time last week (it was her first time, she's 18 I'm 22, I waited until she was ready), last weekend her parents invited me over for dinner and everything went well. She's even eating at my place for christmas with my parents. Now for the problem, about a month ago she was going out with just her friends (I was playing poker with friends somewhere else) and all of a sudden she texts me she's already going home. It was only around 12 so I asked her why she wasgoing home so early. She told me a friend of hers has been hitting on her and tried to kiss her multiple times, so she got mad and left. My first reaction wasn't very happy and I wanted to know his name but she refused to tell me, which made me even more 'not very happy' So after some arguing through text she eventually told me his name, after which she told me she could handle it and I told her I trust her so everything was good. However, I have noticed last month she keeps getting texts from this dude and she keeps replying to them. I haven't read them but he's obviously still flirting with her. I also just noticed he just became one of her favorites on Snapchat (application to send pictures to eachother). So what do I do guys? Should I call her out on this, ask her what's up with this guy or should I just ignore it? I'm obviously having some trust issues here but I don't want her to know I have. Or atleast I THINK it wouldn't be good if she knows I have I still flirt with other girls from time to time (I'm not sure if she knows) so I don't want to be too much of a hypocrite, but the guy already tried to kiss her for fucks sake. Oh and she DID tell the guy she has a boyfriend, so it's not like she's pretending to be single or anything. Hope you guys can enlighten me with some advice

Author:	Redlight [ Wed Dec 25, 2013 1:09 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Girlfriend flirting with other guy problem
Hey man, my first thought is that she's only 18, and at this age girls are not mature enough for a relationship. She'll receive plenty of approaches from guys, and she'll be more than happy to entertain some of these advances at least via text or snapchat or whatever 18 year olds are using. By confronting her you will only get her to see that you have trust issues and you will appear threatened by this guy, which does nothing to increase her attraction to you. You should play it cool, keep going with the relationship and unless she meets with the guy the interest in texting him will disappear eventually. If she agrees to meet with him, it's a different ball game. She may cheat, and that't a sad fact...

Author:	salasa [ Wed Dec 25, 2013 1:26 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Girlfriend flirting with other guy problem
Quote: Hey man, my first thought is that she's only 18, and at this age girls are not mature enough for a relationship. She'll receive plenty of approaches from guys, and she'll be more than happy to entertain some of these advances at least via text or snapchat or whatever 18 year olds are using. By confronting her you will only get her to see that you have trust issues and you will appear threatened by this guy, which does nothing to increase her attraction to you. You should play it cool, keep going with the relationship and unless she meets with the guy the interest in texting him will disappear eventually. If she agrees to meet with him, it's a different ball game. She may cheat, and that't a sad fact... Well the thing is: we live in a small town with very limited clubbing scene. So even if they don't meet they will bump into eachother sooner or later anyway. So I shouldn't confront her then? I understand what you're saying and I agree, but it's gonna be damn hard for me to keep my mouth shut about it Anyway thanks for the insight

Author:	Redlight [ Wed Dec 25, 2013 1:40 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Girlfriend flirting with other guy problem
Quote: Well the thing is: we live in a small town with very limited clubbing scene. So even if they don't meet they will bump into eachother sooner or later anyway. So I shouldn't confront her then? I understand what you're saying and I agree, but it's gonna be damn hard for me to keep my mouth shut about it Anyway thanks for the insight I know it's hard... but think about what you want to accomplish and don't let anger get in the way of it... you are better that that there's nothing you can do about them meeting by accident in town, what you can do is make her so into you that it doesn't matter... be fun, interesting, passionate and avoid the boyfriend trap, becoming too familiar and boring...

Author:	neo87 [ Wed Dec 25, 2013 4:39 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Girlfriend flirting with other guy problem
Agree with Redlight. She's 18 so you can't expect much maturity. It's a tough situation, because things are actually fishy so it will be hard to ignore because you know something isn't adding up. Hard to be fun and interesting when you know she is hiding/lying about something. If it were me, I'd ask her what's up. If guy tried to kiss her, why is she talking to him. Then her reaction and openness will tell you if you can trust her or if you need to just dump. PS-I wouldn't trust the "he tried to kiss me" story if she was still texting him and added on snapchat. Could be bs she told you to cover her tracks. I wouldn't trust it. So my advice would be to talk to her. She could be flirting with him, or he could have just apologized and things are back to platonic now. Things don't add up and it isn't "trust issues" if you want to know what's up.

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Author:	Xoved [ Wed Dec 25, 2013 5:01 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Girlfriend flirting with other guy problem
From my own experience, I once kept snapchatting a girl who already had a boyfriend and I ended up hooking up with her, so you have to be careful (she was 18 too). In other words, you have to be careful because girls of this age can change like the seasons. I'd say handle it in a mature and alpha way, don't fight with her for doing it. If I was in your place, I'd just ask her why is she putting our relationship at risk when she knows that this guy tried to kiss her, yet she still talks to him. Your next reply depends on her answer. If she says that he's an old friend, I'd just tell her to be careful. If she says there's "nothing between us", well you just gained yourself a new competitor. That's just my opinion though

Author:	cmd [ Wed Dec 25, 2013 11:28 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Girlfriend flirting with other guy problem
Agree with most of the feedback... It's also time to state your boundaries now. Tell her you noticed she added him on snapchat and ask her why she did that when she clearly knows the guy's intention. Make it very clear that if she cheats, it will be the end of your relationship. Definitely throw this into the conversation: If another girl tries to kiss you or gives out strong signs of attraction, you cut contact with this girl, because you are in a committed relationship. You expect her to do the same thing. Ask her how she would feel if you added a girl on SChat that tried to kiss u. The key with this is to be absolutely calm, do not under any circumstances get angry or raise your voice. You are not threatened by this guy, but you are communicating your boundaries based on her actions with him. With this conversation you are giving HER full responsibility if cheating occures.

Author:	salasa [ Thu Dec 26, 2013 11:25 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Girlfriend flirting with other guy problem
Thanks for the replies. She's going on citytrip for the weekend with her parents tomorrow, I think I'll send her a text when she's there and ask her what's up. She's sleeping over tonight I don't wanna risk ruining the night. I guess the main thing here is I shouldn't make too much deal out of it, but state my boundaries like cmd said. I have created some drama with this girl on purpose in the past and it brought us together everytime, but I guess that wouldn't be the best idea when it involves other guys Anyway thanks again, I'll try and post an update after the weekend

Author:	cmd [ Thu Dec 26, 2013 12:33 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Girlfriend flirting with other guy problem
I wouldn't discuss this via txt message. Talk to her in person when she's back...

Author:	neo87 [ Thu Dec 26, 2013 3:00 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Girlfriend flirting with other guy problem
Yeah, don't ask what's up over the phone or text.

Author:	skills360 [ Thu Dec 26, 2013 3:53 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Girlfriend flirting with other guy problem
Quote: Hey guys, I've been together with my current girlfriend for good 3 months now. Everything seems to be going great, we had sex for the first time last week (it was her first time, she's 18 I'm 22, I waited until she was ready), last weekend her parents invited me over for dinner and everything went well. She's even eating at my place for christmas with my parents. Now for the problem, about a month ago she was going out with just her friends (I was playing poker with friends somewhere else) and all of a sudden she texts me she's already going home. It was only around 12 so I asked her why she wasgoing home so early. She told me a friend of hers has been hitting on her and tried to kiss her multiple times, so she got mad and left. My first reaction wasn't very happy and I wanted to know his name but she refused to tell me, which made me even more 'not very happy' So after some arguing through text she eventually told me his name, after which she told me she could handle it and I told her I trust her so everything was good. However, I have noticed last month she keeps getting texts from this dude and she keeps replying to them. I haven't read them but he's obviously still flirting with her. I also just noticed he just became one of her favorites on Snapchat (application to send pictures to eachother). So what do I do guys? Should I call her out on this, ask her what's up with this guy or should I just ignore it? I'm obviously having some trust issues here but I don't want her to know I have. Or atleast I THINK it wouldn't be good if she knows I have I still flirt with other girls from time to time (I'm not sure if she knows) so I don't want to be too much of a hypocrite, but the guy already tried to kiss her for fucks sake. Oh and she DID tell the guy she has a boyfriend, so it's not like she's pretending to be single or anything. Hope you guys can enlighten me with some advice Best advise is to have more women in your life as cruel as it sounds...

Author:	LucasNYC [ Thu Dec 26, 2013 4:16 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Girlfriend flirting with other guy problem
I agree with the post above. In all fairness, she did let you know that she was leaving because some guy was making her uncomfortable. You have to give her some credit as she didn't have to let you know this. If you get jealous after she willingly releases information like this to you, do you think she will maybe re-think about doing it next time? (Because she doesn't want to 'upset' you). I always have a ton of female friends, but when I am in a relationship I am 100% faithful. When dating I don't have to worry about my girlfriend, and they don't have to worry about me. On the other hand, she is 18.. so I'm guessing you didn't pick her for her maturity. - Lucas

Author:	salasa [ Thu Dec 26, 2013 4:44 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Girlfriend flirting with other guy problem
Quote: I agree with the post above. In all fairness, she did let you know that she was leaving because some guy was making her uncomfortable. You have to give her some credit as she didn't have to let you know this. If you get jealous after she willingly releases information like this to you, do you think she will maybe re-think about doing it next time? (Because she doesn't want to 'upset' you). I always have a ton of female friends, but when I am in a relationship I am 100% faithful. When dating I don't have to worry about my girlfriend, and they don't have to worry about me. On the other hand, she is 18.. so I'm guessing you didn't pick her for her maturity. - Lucas I realize my reaction was bad, but there's not much I can change about that sadly. I also have the feeling I have plenty of women in my life, but I'm sure you guys probably won't believe that anyway (and maybe I really don't) My girlfriend never really complained about it, but she made it obvious each time I hung out with female friends she didn't really like it. So I'm not sure how this would be helping my cause But you're right, I definitely didn't pick her for maturity and it's a work in progress, but atleast there is progress. Anyway thanks again for the replies

Author:	neo87 [ Thu Dec 26, 2013 5:37 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Girlfriend flirting with other guy problem
Don't stress yourself, just ask her whats up as it doesn't make sense. Honestly, could be nothing and I don't know their friendship. Could be they were friends, one night he made a pass at her, she told you, next day he apologized and went back to being normal and they are texting like they would usually do about bs. I don't know the friendship, I don't know if he was drunk and I don't know if he apologized. But this is a plausible scenario that is good for you. Or it could be that she likes him, something happened at the party and she is flirting with him. As an ex cheater, I'll tell you that telling your partner a negative story about the person you like or are messing with is a good way to cover yourself. But all you know is she said a guy tried to kiss her and she is still communicating with him. You haven't seen the msgs so could be friendly conversation. Best to ask her what's up tonight as it doesn't make sense. Look at how she reacts and if her story makes sense. If she gets defensive then you have your answer. Any bf would be confused by her communicating with him still so you aren't being wrong here. Don't mention cheating IMO; if she doesn't already know that if she cheats you're gone then it wouldn't matter. So like: Good Outcome You: "Babe, I was wondering...how come Alex is still texting you? Didn't he try to kiss you?" Her: "Yeah, but he was drunk and he apologized. We've been texting like usual. Look at what he sent me...." Bad Outcome You: "Babe, I was wondering...how come Alex is still texting you? Didn't he try to kiss you?" Her: "No, we haven't spoken since that night"(keeps phone hidden for rest of evening) Here you have your answer. You can't trust her so should downgrade to fbuddy and find new girls.

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Author:	Ashx88 [ Sat Dec 28, 2013 2:47 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Girlfriend flirting with other guy problem
Everybody likes attention. I mean if you were her first time, means she didnt have a lot of boyfriends before. Subconsciously don't we all love attention? Also, girls tend to be attracted to the "jerk" type. About facing her and even having the talk ? You think it will be a geniune 2 way convo ? Rather than one blaming the other and the other denying, making things worst and tada...