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Hot/cold
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Author:  rasm_chr [ Fri Dec 20, 2013 8:44 pm ]
Post subject:  Hot/cold
Hello everyone, I am fairly new to this website. I have been lurking for a few months until I decided to make a profile. So greetings to you all and thanks for all the help you have given me so far just by lurking.

The thing is, I need help with this girl I met on a night out, a few weeks ago.
She was on her way home, and we suddenly just stood there and talked for 5 minutes until I said she should kiss me, she did and left straight after giving me her number. She texted me later that night, and I waited to respond the next day.
And so we began the back and forth texting. This lasted a few days until she asked me if I wanted to come and hang out at her place the coming weekend, I of course said yes.

I went to her place. A few days before she had mentioned that she was a bit neverous because it could be awkward when we meet, since we didn't know much about each other. I just said that it would be really fun and that I was looking forward seeing her. Anyway, I went to her place, and we had a really great night. I talked a lot and watched some horror movies (her idea), we ended up kissing (a lot), and she asked if I wanted to sleep there, I of course said yes again.
She kept saying a couple of times that it was a bad idea I came. I asked her why, and she said that it was bad because now she just liked me so much she would miss me (we live a long distance apart).

I said yes to sleeping there because i thought she wanted to have sex, but she told me she wanted her 'next time' to be with feelings, and not just plain sex. I said that was alright, though I have to admit I did try and fuck her a few times where she said no, but she was so difficult to read. Every time we kissed, she got on top of me and dry humped me. After a few times of doing this I decided that I could at least finger her (which she really enjoyed by the sound of it). She let me do that, plus touch her ass and breasts and kiss her all over.
Next day we wake up, we snuggle, make out, talk for a while and I drive home - she seemed really interrested. We talked about past relations ships and so on. And I mentioned that I didn't like to text everyday the WHOLE time (which we didn't, but I just thought I would mention that I really like that that) - remember this part.

We text for the next two week, until I asked her if she wanted to come to my place the coming weekend, and she agreed. The day before we meeting, my fucking car broke down, so I told her that I was really pissed but there was nothing I could really do about it, expect take the train which is like a trip of 4 hours.
She said that it was okay, because she couldn't make it this weekend anyway. I have to admit that made me feel a bit like crap. She could at least have texted me that she wouldn't be able to make it before the day we were supposed to meet?

Fast forward to a few days ago. She is visiting a museum with her class, and said that it was close to me, so if I wanted to she could drop by and say hello. I said that I would love that. She then said that I shouldn't count on it, since she might be tired. I said that was fine too.
It ended with her not showing up, and she didn't even text me saying anything.

fast forward to two days ago.
I send her a text, to which she didn't reply to. I decided to wait a few hours and then log on to facebook to see she was online on her mobile.
I started a chat with her saying "wow you are really slow a texting today huh?" (kinda needy, sadly).
She said that she was busy doing homework and stuff. So trying not to sound any more needy I said she could just text me when she had the time. A few hours pass and she texted me on facebook: "i'm so tired, i'm going to bed now, goodnight :)"
We talked for a little, and I said that I had missed talking to her (we haven't texted for two days).
I then said that maybe if she wasn't too "busy" she could send me a text tomorrow, and she just responded:
"prob. not, tomorrow is going to be a stressed day :)"

That was last day, and we haven't talked the whole day either, until now.
She just texted me "hey man"

Please feel free to ask anything, there might be something I have left out without knowing.

I'm not really sure what to do from here, so any help/advice is welcome.
Thanks.
Author:  BrandonMarshall [ Sat Dec 21, 2013 3:12 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Hot/cold
awww man. She's playing games with you now.... blowing you off. You're just an option to her right now.

First of all stop telling her how much you miss talking to her blah blah blah... that's only pushing her away. Women love a challenge and you're definitely not being a challenge... she has you in the palm of her hand.


Best thing to do is to get your mind off of her, talk to other women and if she hits you up act like you're too busy to talk to her for a while. That's the only way to get her wanting you again. I wouldn't stress too much on the outcome with her though...

she may or may not come back, but at least do yourself a favor and don't be some girl's doormat. There's too many women out there for you to be hurting yourself over this one girl.
Author:  rasm_chr [ Sat Dec 21, 2013 7:55 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Hot/cold
Quote:
awww man. She's playing games with you now.... blowing you off. You're just an option to her right now.

First of all stop telling her how much you miss talking to her blah blah blah... that's only pushing her away. Women love a challenge and you're definitely not being a challenge... she has you in the palm of her hand.


Best thing to do is to get your mind off of her, talk to other women and if she hits you up act like you're too busy to talk to her for a while. That's the only way to get her wanting you again. I wouldn't stress too much on the outcome with her though...

she may or may not come back, but at least do yourself a favor and don't be some girl's doormat. There's too many women out there for you to be hurting yourself over this one girl.

Hey man, thanks for the quick reply.
You say I should tell her i'm too busy to talk - can you elaborate on that? I mean, what exactly could I be doing which would take up all my time to send a simple text back?
I know i'm being a beta, but I guess you have to learn at some point.
Again, thanks for helping me out.
Author:  oceanx [ Sun Dec 22, 2013 3:57 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Hot/cold
If she initiates a text with you, you could delay your response time or completely ignore the text to freeze her out a little bit.
Quote:
She said that it was okay, because she couldn't make it this weekend anyway. I have to admit that made me feel a bit like crap. She could at least have texted me that she wouldn't be able to make it before the day we were supposed to meet?
I read this as she may have thought you possibly didn't want to see her and used the car as an excuse so to cover herself she said 'oh I wouldn't have been able to come anyway, no big deal.' This could be the reason for her stand-offish behavior since that time.
Author:  BrandonMarshall [ Sun Dec 22, 2013 5:16 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Hot/cold
Quote:
If she initiates a text with you, you could delay your response time or completely ignore the text to freeze her out a little bit.

YUP. delay your response... if you don't text her back at all just say you were busy doing something and your phone was on vibrate or something. The point is you want to show her you're occupied with something else and she's not the center of your attention. You're not really doing it to be a dick to her.... you're just not handing her all the power.
Author:  rasm_chr [ Sun Dec 22, 2013 4:10 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Hot/cold
Thanks for the replies guys. It's a great help.
I will try and freeze her out a bit.

I just find it odd that she was so into me last week, and this week we haven't really talked.
A little update on our last talk. She texted me "hey man" and I waited about an hour before responding.
I just said "hey :)" and she was all over me with questions : "What are you doing? Am I disturbing you? Are you busy?" (she said that in one text).
I just told her I was at a movie night, but I was heading home soon.
We texted back and forth.
She told me that she liked going out to clubs, and I tried not to act too needy so I replied with "who doesn't? :D"
She replied with: "yeah, but I like drinking tequila and meeting guys ;)"
I then said: "okay, then we should really go out clubbing some time. Then we will get some tequila and you can just meet some guys, haha"
Her: "Oh stop ;)"

I got the feeling that she is trying to make me jealous - like "all the guys want me, so you should hurry up and take me before it's too late". Thing is, it just really gets me annoyed. I hate the "playing with feelings-crap" some girls pull off.

But from what I understand, I should just wait until she texts me and then don't reply for like a day and text her the next to say I was busy? Should I even consider asking her to meet anytime soon?
Again, thanks for helping out.
Author:  oceanx [ Sun Dec 22, 2013 11:16 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Hot/cold
This is a little confusing because you said you haven't really talked and she isn't really into it and then you posted an update of your latest talk (that she initiated) where she is pretty into it. Unless this text chat is from 10 days ago or something you're fine, she's into you and I would proceed to schedule another meetup after Xmas.

Here's a principle from approaching: Either you can exist in the moment or you can be in your head/thinking. But it is impossible to do both at the same time. If you are in your head, you miss out on your best life.

While that principle applies to the approach, it also applies to ongoing dealings w/ women. Rather than being concerned with any games etc. she may (or may not) be playing, keep it cool as you basically have been, get with the girl, escalate, and so on.
Author:  rasm_chr [ Mon Dec 23, 2013 9:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Hot/cold
Quote:
This is a little confusing because you said you haven't really talked and she isn't really into it and then you posted an update of your latest talk (that she initiated) where she is pretty into it. Unless this text chat is from 10 days ago or something you're fine, she's into you and I would proceed to schedule another meetup after Xmas.

Here's a principle from approaching: Either you can exist in the moment or you can be in your head/thinking. But it is impossible to do both at the same time. If you are in your head, you miss out on your best life.

While that principle applies to the approach, it also applies to ongoing dealings w/ women. Rather than being concerned with any games etc. she may (or may not) be playing, keep it cool as you basically have been, get with the girl, escalate, and so on.
That's a really great advice, not just for dating but also for life in general, I believe.
Those recent texts I mentioned before was yesterday, the other texting is from last week as far as I recall.
Sadly, I think she is going cold. I texted her earlier today and she said she was at work so she didn't really have time. Now it's 22:20 and she hasn't texted or done anything. I guess my best move is to not care anymore, haha.

Thanks for all the advice guys, it was a great help.
Author:  oceanx [ Mon Dec 23, 2013 9:53 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Hot/cold
From the text from yesterday she is not going cold at all my brotha. You just happened to catch her at a busy moment today. Lay low on the texting for a bit and come back at some point with good energy & use the texting as a tool to get her out again.
Author:  BrandonMarshall [ Tue Dec 24, 2013 1:12 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Hot/cold
Don't see a problem here anymore just be cool... so you don't sabotage yourself.

Might sound nitpicky but I'd lighten up on the smileys a little bit.
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