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NEED male advice! Please help with situation with ex boyf
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Author:  nad20 [ Sun Nov 06, 2011 4:23 pm ]
Post subject:  NEED male advice! Please help with situation with ex boyf
I know this isnt the right forum, but i need male advice on how to deal with ex.

Basically started seeing ex boyf again. He broke up with me in january, i went no contact for 6 months, he kept contacting me and when i felt ready to respond i replied in july, we met up and started seeing eachother again. 3 weeks ago he suddenly stopped calling/wanting to see me, giving me excuses saying hes busy.... so i just asked him to be honest with me if he thinks its a bad idea that were seeing eachother (i thought after 2 years we should be able to talk!!), he said he felt suffocated... didnt give me a proper answer, so i told him i felt used, and then i sent him a long message saying im sorry he felt suffocated but i just felt i deserved the truth.

And havent heard from him since! I know i should just back off and not contact him, but is there anything i can do to undo the damage?

I'm afraid i have lost him forever... heeelp guys!!
Author:  bansario [ Sun Nov 06, 2011 6:42 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: NEED male advice! Please help with situation with ex boyf
Quote:
I know this isnt the right forum, but i need male advice on how to deal with ex.

Basically started seeing ex boyf again. He broke up with me in january, i went no contact for 6 months, he kept contacting me and when i felt ready to respond i replied in july, we met up and started seeing eachother again. 3 weeks ago he suddenly stopped calling/wanting to see me, giving me excuses saying hes busy.... so i just asked him to be honest with me if he thinks its a bad idea that were seeing eachother (i thought after 2 years we should be able to talk!!), he said he felt suffocated... didnt give me a proper answer, so i told him i felt used, and then i sent him a long message saying im sorry he felt suffocated but i just felt i deserved the truth.

And havent heard from him since! I know i should just back off and not contact him, but is there anything i can do to undo the damage?

I'm afraid i have lost him forever... heeelp guys!!
You lost him the first time he broke up with you in January. My guess as for why he keep contacting you was merely for the sex.

So, do i think you were used? Yes. Is there something you can do? Sure, move on. He did already.

It's very simple, if he wanted to be with you, he would be with you. By you trying to undo the damage I think you're going to end up "suffocating" him even more (hint: Men don't usually like women chasing too much...).

If you're hot I'm sure you'll find some other dude in no time. So keep your head up. ;)
Author:  bullshitter1 [ Sun Nov 06, 2011 6:49 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: NEED male advice! Please help with situation with ex boyf
Quote:
I know this isnt the right forum, but i need male advice on how to deal with ex.

Basically started seeing ex boyf again. He broke up with me in january, i went no contact for 6 months, he kept contacting me and when i felt ready to respond i replied in july, we met up and started seeing eachother again. 3 weeks ago he suddenly stopped calling/wanting to see me, giving me excuses saying hes busy.... so i just asked him to be honest with me if he thinks its a bad idea that were seeing eachother (i thought after 2 years we should be able to talk!!), he said he felt suffocated... didnt give me a proper answer, so i told him i felt used, and then i sent him a long message saying im sorry he felt suffocated but i just felt i deserved the truth.

And havent heard from him since! I know i should just back off and not contact him, but is there anything i can do to undo the damage?

I'm afraid i have lost him forever... heeelp guys!!
He called you for six months and u dissed him until you felt ready to respond...now sister...look at how that looks from his point of view.
You cant expect to freeze a guy out for 6 months and then not get pay back for it.
Sounds to me like he probably feels that u made a sucker out of him for six months...u dont say it on here..but your a woman..so im assuming you fucked other guys during that six month freeze out...i know women, they like to tell only part of a story..where as guys just straight out lie...but witholding the whole truth is just another way of lying in my book.
Your just getting your own medicine back now and it tates real bitter...
U once had the upper hand emotionally and felt fine freezing him out for six months...well during that time he didnt feel fucking fine..trust me..
a lot of hate will have built up during six months...now he feels its his turn...
its something guys do..
they get dumped...or treated unfair..then worm their way back so that they can get revenge by doing the same shit back.
All I can say is this is what comes of playing games..
So in future dont fucking do it..
If you freeze a guy out for six months, you better freeze him out permanantly.
that feeling you got right now is a breaking heart...but its all really in your head not your heart...its all fucking ego...if you were the one in control you would be on top emotionally so realise that
if this guy was the love of ur life u wouldnt have frozen him for six months
so my advice is
get real
snap out of it
treat guys with more respect in future
and go and find another guy
this one is over.
Author:  bansario [ Sun Nov 06, 2011 6:51 pm ]
Post subject: 
Oh I forgot. You want him to reply back to you, text him out of the blue saying that you have considered it and you want to try anal sex. No, seriously, he might respond...
Author:  nad20 [ Sun Nov 06, 2011 6:59 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thanks for the replies.....

In those 6 months, i didnt have sex with anyone else... sex is special to me, and i told him this the other day when i told him i felt used. i went on a couple of dates but no one compared to my ex.
I went no contact, cos when he broke up with me i was absolutely heartbroken would call him crying and so he told me to leave him alone (he broke up with me!) so i did leave him alone. I went no contact for my own sanity, and cos i had to heal. he only tried to contact me once, but i was still too hurt to reply... the second time he contacted i replied because i wasn't angry/upset anymore.

update: I just got a missed call from him, I dont know why he would call me now? Maybe to have a go at me?? If I call him back I don't know what i would say to him, I'm upset he has basically used me and taken advantage of the fact that i still have feelings for him. but anything i say may just suffocate him?!
Author:  Ezo [ Sun Nov 06, 2011 7:05 pm ]
Post subject: 
You are missing the point.

It doesnt matter if you ahd sex with anyone else or not during those 6 months. What matters is, he contacted you and you didnt answer, to a guy, that is like a slap in the face. Basically you let him suffer and humiliated him for half a year and now you are surprised that he doesnt consider you a worthy partner...

A. Find a mirror.
B. Look in it
C. Feel
D. Cry
E. Call him again and apologize

Sorry to be tough on you but this is what you need to hear. Your story wouldnt be so offensive if you would have just stopped returning his calls, but no you wanted to contact him when it was convenient for you. Pretty selfish.
Author:  bullshitter1 [ Sun Nov 06, 2011 7:13 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Thanks for the replies.....

In those 6 months, i didnt have sex with anyone else... sex is special to me, and i told him this the other day when i told him i felt used. i went on a couple of dates but no one compared to my ex.
I went no contact, cos when he broke up with me i was absolutely heartbroken would call him crying and so he told me to leave him alone (he broke up with me!) so i did leave him alone. I went no contact for my own sanity, and cos i had to heal. he only tried to contact me once, but i was still too hurt to reply... the second time he contacted i replied because i wasn't angry/upset anymore.

update: I just got a missed call from him, I dont know why he would call me now? Maybe to have a go at me?? If I call him back I don't know what i would say to him, I'm upset he has basically used me and taken advantage of the fact that i still have feelings for him. but anything i say may just suffocate him?!
Ok...now its a bit clearer...he broke up with you...in six moths he contacted u twice and u gave in on the second time..
my advice is
fuck him
not litrally...u already done that enough
if u keep on falling back to him ur gonna have an on off relationship for fucking years and he will know u will always be there for when he cant get no tail.
Oh no offence but blow jobs are sex aswell...uh not saying you did any of this stuff but i known lots of girls who do this shit and then deny they had sex with anyone...not even joking.
the image of what u have of theis ex is just an image not what he was really like..
if he was all good then he would never dump u ten use u later..
he knows he is stringing u along and manipulating you.
really u gotta take the upper hand now
my advice is
call him and end it
then really cut all contact
not easy i know
but alot easier when ur the one doing the dumping to move on
its your only way out of this manipulation
trust me
Author:  nad20 [ Sun Nov 06, 2011 7:13 pm ]
Post subject: 
Ok maybe you should hear the background story before you call me selfish. He had broken up with 3 times before this!! Like i said, i had to go NC for my own sanity.

He ignored me countless of times, i only did it once cos i was absolutely heartbroken and upset with him. The last time he broke up with me, he ended it after a DAY!! He made me believe he wanted me back but then ended it after a day!! I know he sounds like a complete asshole, and why did i ever go back to him??
Before we broke up, we had something really special, he is just younger than me and cant really handle relationships.... (Everytime he ended it he said he cant be in a relationship) i considered him the love of my life, i dont know... he had a huge impact on me.. never had this type of connection or these feelings with anyone before. (he always used to say the same about me too)

But he really did break my heart. And i thought when we made up in july, we had put all the crap behind us and were getting along great again.

Anyway the fact of the matter is, that he has basically used me these past 4 months for sex cos he knew i still had feelings for him (although i thought we were just seeing eachother, and seeing how it goes)... and when he withdrew, i panicked as i thought i was losing him again and asked him what was going on, he felt suffocated, i told him i felt used, he got angry with me, so i sent him a long message apologising that he felt suffocated but i felt i had the right to know what was going on... and here we are.

He just called me and i dont know whether to call back or not, im worried that whatever i say may suffocate him. But if he doesnt care for me, then it doesnt rly matter right?? and the thing is, what is there to end?? we were never 'oficially' back on. so i cant say to him this is over.... i think by not calling him back just shows him im not interested anymore.
Author:  bullshitter1 [ Sun Nov 06, 2011 7:21 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Ok maybe you should hear the background story before you call me selfish. He had broken up with 3 times before this!! Like i said, i had to go NC for my own sanity.

He ignored me countless of times, i only did it once cos i was absolutely heartbroken and upset with him. The last time he broke up with me, he ended it after a DAY!! He made me believe he wanted me back but then ended it after a day!! I know he sounds like a complete asshole, and why did i ever go back to him??
Before we broke up, we had something really special, he is just younger than me and cant really handle relationships.... (Everytime he ended it he said he cant be in a relationship) i considered him the love of my life, i dont know... he had a huge impact on me.. never had this type of connection or these feelings with anyone before. (he always used to say the same about me too)

But he really did break my heart. And i thought when we made up in july, we had put all the crap behind us and were getting along great again.

Anyway the fact of the matter is, that he has basically used me these past 4 months for sex cos he knew i still had feelings for him... and when he withdrew, i panicked as i thought i was losing him again and asked him what was going on, he felt suffocated... and here we are.

He just called me and i dont know whether to call back or not, im worried that whatever i say may suffocate him. But if he doesnt care for me, then it doesnt rly matter right??
Ok so now even a clearer picture...this is women haha..i have to chip away to get the whole truth...
the guy is fucking u about putting u on an emotional rollercoaster..
i know
ive done this shit myself..yes what a fucking bastard i was...
why did i do it...well, to be in control and to protect my own feelings...not cool but true..also when u manipulate someone u can have them entierily without having to risk your own heart...this is why men pull this shit...but women pull this shit aswell in equal measure..
the only way toget from under this manipulation is to be the one who pulls the trigger on the relationship.
that way u can walk away knowing u chose to end it...but if you keepn being dumped you always feeling like ur in limbo and u still ache over the relationship and still cant move on...like a wounded animal.
Im telling u...u gotta pull the trigger.
then give me a call...haha...id love to go to new york and walk with you through the fall leaves in central park on a clear blue day.
Author:  nad20 [ Sun Nov 06, 2011 7:24 pm ]
Post subject: 
wow what bastards you guys are!!! haha

ok so what shall i say to him ? you've used me and i have no interest in speaking to you again? or what?
Author:  bullshitter1 [ Sun Nov 06, 2011 7:30 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
wow what bastards you guys are!!! haha

ok so what shall i say to him ? you've used me and i have no interest in speaking to you again? or what?
Look its just advice...im not telling you to take it...Im just telling u that if its an on off relationship whenre you are the one getting dumped 3 times...well its not working for you and evidently he is in complete control...
if u really want him back...its just gonna be u getting dumped for a 4th time down the line and 5,6,7 etc...
see what im saying here..
if u dump him...u will feel like its finally over and you will move on.
i dont believe there is a perfect person out there for each of us...i hope im wrong though...
i know the only way to gain control of your feelings is to now be the one who does the dumping.
new york must have a lot of good looking cool guys in it...
move on
fuck tell him u met someone
ok
Author:  nad20 [ Sun Nov 06, 2011 7:34 pm ]
Post subject: 
its so scary to do that though? im in love with him, i dont wanna lose him! But i obviously have seeing as hes not interested, right? He doesnt want me back, hes only interested in sex, right?

if i end it, do u think he would ever come back, or would that be over for good?
Author:  bullshitter1 [ Sun Nov 06, 2011 7:53 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
its so scary to do that though? im in love with him, i dont wanna lose him! But i obviously have seeing as hes not interested, right? He doesnt want me back right? hes only interested in sex, right?

if i end it, do u think he would ever come back, or would that be over for good?
wow ur in deep...
u know in life u cant hold on to anyhing
things come and go
people come and go
yesterday you were a kid
tomorrow u will be old
the more u try to hold on
the more unhappy u become
because u cant hold on to fuck all in life...not just that but..
the harder u try to hold onto something especially a person
the harder they pull away
live life.
u can only live it fully when u accept it for what it is
otherwise your always gonna be miserable...holding on to something that isnt even within your grasp.
ur holding on to a ghost of a relationship
real realtionships require no grasping, clinging or holding or fixing
u wanna think about this reality and maybe u might just have a shot at being happy in life.
or carry on making some dude God.
keep doing that and the real God whatever that is...has a nasty way of making u suffer for the disrespect.
Are you not suffering now sister?

by the way this is the same advice id give to anyone...enough guys are in your position all bent out of shape over "the only one for them" they call it onitis...i call it mental illness.
Author:  nad20 [ Sun Nov 06, 2011 8:15 pm ]
Post subject: 
haha ok ok i get it... ive sent you a private message bullshitter...
Author:  bullshitter1 [ Sun Nov 06, 2011 9:03 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
haha ok ok i get it... ive sent you a private message bullshitter...
I like private texts from emotionally vunerable girls.
Muuhahahahahaa
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