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Some urgent advice would really be appreciated
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Author:  AFC4LYFE [ Wed Jul 14, 2010 7:25 am ]
Post subject:  Some urgent advice would really be appreciated
Hey everyone this is my first post.

I will make my situation as brief as possible but it is quite complicated.

3 weeks ago I got a text from a girl I had not seen in years. I am friends with her older sister, but I didn't know her v well.

She is HB9 20 years old. She has a 15yo son. Personality of a 7 (confident, friendly, funny, awesome)

I was quite keen as her reputation for not sleeping around etc is outstanding.

I met her in town that night. Immediately sparks flew we spent all night kissing on the dance floor. She wouldn't come home with me I said that was fine and left.

We dated a couple times. I stayed over but no sex. All went well until her 21st birthday was coming up. She asked me to come, but that I had to understand that she had not told her ex (father of her son) that she was seeing anyone and needed to hold off for reasons that aren't important for the sake of the story.

I said I understood and I went with a wing. Her sister was there and she kept introducing me to everyone as "the guy who's seeing my sister" I asked her not to but she kept on. She then told her mum who proceeded to talk to HB9 about it. I could see she was feeling awkward.

She went out clubbing with her gf's after and I left to see some friends. Later I returned to town and I text her. I was very drunk and heres where I fucked up big time.

me: hey where are you?
no response
me: are you ok?
Her: yip
me:do you want to meet up?
no response
me: you don't seem interested whats up?
no response

Yes I am a FOOL

Monday she texts me breaking it off with me saying she needs to be single even though she really likes me and I'm an awesome guy etc all rubbish what she was really saying is TOO MUCH TOO FAST TOO SOON.

me: thats ok, your a great chick I hope you find someone who deserves you and your son

her: thanks. x . So what are you up to today anyway?
me: (several hours later) Sorry I got busy at work before.
no response

This is where I am. All seems lost and I figure all I can do is freeze her out, concentrate on other girls and hope for the best.

Does anyone else have any better ideas? Help much appreciated.
Author:  minsok [ Wed Jul 14, 2010 9:03 am ]
Post subject: 
Dude, if those texts are the worst mistakes you made, you're doing pretty good. Yes they were needy, yes they made you less attractive. But you know what, you were blown out at the party, it really doesn't have anything to do with you. I hate how parents have so much influence over less mature girls. The only way you could've avoided this falling out is by not being at the party, but you had no way of knowing what was going to happen. So, either she'll go against her parents and keep seeing you or more likely she'll fold under their pressure and try to patch shit up with the baby's father. It's an ugly situation and if you're on the fence, I would recommend just getting out of it. Also, if two adults are into each other, you can't really go too fast, too soon. But I'm brave, so maybe that doesn't work for everyone.
Author:  AFC4LYFE [ Wed Jul 14, 2010 10:18 am ]
Post subject: 
Hey thanks heaps for the response.

I don't think I've been clear enough on what happened at the party. Her ex is out of the picture but he was baby sitting for her that night and as they were together a long time a lot of his friends were there. She didn't want him finding out through anyone but her. Her sister couldn't control herself from outing us to everyone at the party.

The reason it made it weird is that the sister really wants us to be together and has been making a huge deal about it and trying to force us together. Shes been whispering in her ear telling her how much I like her even though I intentionally avoided talking to the sister about it. I never told her how interested I was she just assumed and told her as If I had been talking to her about it. Making me look way too interested considering we had not been seeing each other long.

So the situation with the Mum and her friends was just the tipping point of making her feel pressured. If anything the Mum loves me and is probably also applying pressure. What can I say I am actually a nice guy sick of finishing last and have decided to get some game.

Anyway I like this girl. Freeze out is the best thing for now what do you think?
Author:  minsok [ Wed Jul 14, 2010 11:08 am ]
Post subject: 
Wha? Everybody is pulling for you? Never been in that kind of situation, but you should strike while the iron is hot... and emotionally confused. Tell her you want to talk and get everything out in the open. She at least owes you that, breakup via text is pathetic. If it were me, I'd just tell my side of the story and peace out, no real game here.
Author:  AFC4LYFE [ Thu Jul 15, 2010 9:11 am ]
Post subject: 
Based on everything I know that doesn't sound like good advice. I think the problem already is that I came across as far too interested. If I try to talk it out with her she will probably feel more pressure and her attraction for me will decline.

I was thinking that if I take away all the attention I have been giving her then she will miss it, and probably contact me at which point I can start again but this time play much tighter game and get it right.

But what is your level of game? If your a guru of some sort then I'd be stupid not to take your advice.

Does anyone else have any ideas?
Author:  Riott [ Thu Jul 15, 2010 10:04 am ]
Post subject: 
It sounds like she's freaked out a little bit. You did come on little too strong, and often single mothers will be a bit harder to lock down in that relationship category.

I'd give her some space, and play it on the back burner. In a week or so, text her to see how she's going- but nothing too clingy, or needy. I like to send something random and funny- just to let her know you're there.

Sometimes you can't win every time. This might be a tough one to recover- but when you fail you learn something.
Author:  minsok [ Thu Jul 15, 2010 10:08 am ]
Post subject: 
You know your situation better than anyone, it doesn't hurt my pride if you think my advice doesn't apply here. In personal experience, I don't think I've ever lost a girl by being too interested. I think that's a myth unless you act like a stalker, which you haven't yet. She'll forgive your needy texts, they weren't bad at all. If her sister was making you out to be an obsessive freak, I think the mature thing to do would be to talk to her directly and clear the air. It's not good "game", but that doesn't mean it won't work.

She might be freaking out over something else entirely, you're not going to know the problem unless you take it up with her. Furthermore, I never liked the idea of sitting back and waiting for a girl to come to me. Girls, especially pretty ones, are very easily distracted and often don't have the confidence to make a move. That tactic only seems to work if she's over-reacting and some time to think will get her head straight. Hesitate and be passive at your own risk. The pressure seems to be in your favor; I'd take advantage.
Author:  AFC4LYFE [ Thu Jul 15, 2010 10:54 am ]
Post subject: 
Thanks for your advice guys. I'm going to go with what makes sense from my own experience in the past. Usually trying to talk to a girl about something like this just drives her further away for me. I'll give her space and text her next week, probably something that will indirectly remind her of a fun time we had together. I'll post in here what happens.

I wish I could post in photo of her in here so you could understand, but that would be slightly wrong lol

Peace.
Author:  Reliever [ Thu Jul 15, 2010 8:03 pm ]
Post subject: 
1- in the chat if you ever get on it we always post pictures of girls... lol we find it entertaining
2- not going to look back but whoever said you can't be too interested in a girl.... THATS TERRIBLE ADVICE. Im not much of one to call somebody out but you dont get girls by showing a lot of interest. you get girls by showing just the right amount of interest to where you sort of tease them and make them want to talk to you... after all from a guys perspective and experience, when a girl makes herself too easy to get... what is the fun and point of getting with her? there is no challenge.
3- if i were you... im not going to lie you didn't do anything wrong except those text messages. you fucked up pretty badly with those. teach yourself to not drunk text, that simple. as for the girl goes, do NOT contact her at all for the next week. this includes even if she calls or texts you. DONT RESPOND. do a complete freeze out for the next week whether she gets in contact with you or not. after that week is complete CALL HER. when you fuck up with a girl you can't be a little pussy and hide behind you're phone by texting. show some dominance(which is what girls want and like) and call her. but when you do i personally would not even bring up what happened in the past.. don't apologize and look into the future when you're on the phone with her.

those are my 2 cents. good luck
Author:  minsok [ Fri Jul 16, 2010 3:48 am ]
Post subject: 
Whatever. It's hard to measure whether interest can destroy your game. I can't come up with a single instance where showing my interest blew me out. I can come up with dozens where not showing enough interest killed the interaction. As I said, as long as you're not a stalker about it, the girl will probably appreciate your interest.
Author:  ktime70 [ Fri Jul 16, 2010 4:32 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Whatever. It's hard to measure whether interest can destroy your game. I can't come up with a single instance where showing my interest blew me out. I can come up with dozens where not showing enough interest killed the interaction. As I said, as long as you're not a stalker about it, the girl will probably appreciate your interest.
Interest without qualifying the interest will blow you out. " i think your awesome, i want to marry you"... after 2 weeks of idle chit chat for instance.

"wow, your so sweet for bringing me lunch at work, I really could date a thoughtful girl like you" won't. see, a girl will get suspicious if you "like" her if she doesn't feel she's done anything to deserve it (what's stopping you liking the girl sitting over there in the corner if your so easily impressed).

If you let her know that you like her for HER, something she's done/something she IS then she FEELS she deserves your attention, and it won't come off weird.
Author:  AFC4LYFE [ Fri Jul 16, 2010 4:45 am ]
Post subject: 
@Reliever

Sounds like really solid advice. I'm going to run with it. Thanks a lot.

@minsok I'm just assuming you're a very handsome man if showing too much interest never hurt you. I am a reasonably good looking guy, but not so good looking that I don't need tight game. Too much interest is always a killer for me. Thanks though mate, I sure hope you're wrong!

@ktime70 Also great advice thanks.
Author:  minsok [ Fri Jul 16, 2010 5:00 am ]
Post subject: 
I guess. Well, it's kind of my mindset, too. I rarely have regrets if things don't work out with my target because most of the time I know I've tried everything I could before giving up. I have regrets when I know there was still shit I could've tried, but now it's too late. I'm just not the kind of guy that likes to wait for good shit to come to me, I don't like passive-aggressive bs.

On the other side of the equation, what does this "freeze out" look like to your target? It looks like you lost interest, or found somebody else, or just gave up and went away. Maybe that will trigger her into chasing you, but women have as many excuses not to pursue men as we do not to approach a girl. A BIG one is: the man does the chasing.

And lastly. It sounds like you were in a fledgling relationship. If you don't know already, you'll find out that you don't run game when you're in a relationship. Hope to hear from you in a week.
Author:  AFC4LYFE [ Fri Jul 16, 2010 5:45 am ]
Post subject: 
Border lining on a relationship yeah.

I think you're right depending on the level of the girl. When I say this girl is a 9 I really mean it. She already has a lot of guys chasing her even tho she has a kid. If I chase her then I'm no different to them. I need to be the one guy out of all of them that SHE is chasing.

Sometimes no approach will work for what ever reason but I think I'm handling the situation as best as I can.
Author:  fox_theone [ Fri Jul 16, 2010 6:39 am ]
Post subject: 
Hey Foo I want you to see this from a different point of view. Freeze outs work great and I can see why you're choosing that option. On the other hand I can't imagine it working well for this situation. The target has a son. And therein lies the difference.

Game doesn't change for women who have children usually. But young mothers tend to be different. They're looking for a guy who'll be a father figure. Basically they're searching for real men. Show her you're a real man by handling the situation with confidence and calmness if you can see what I'm saying. Paint a picture for her that you're the man that she needs in her life. You've got to show her that before you do a takeaway or freeze out. Otherwise you're taking away something that is not high value. Give her a little time yeah then get her out for coffee or something and be a man. Show her you're good with her son etc then do a take away. Freeze her out after. She'll be running after you like you're the last man on earth :D.

In the end it's up to you bro. I just hope you see it in this new light and make a decision.
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