PUA Forum :: How to get out of friend zone

I was working on a very sweet loveable shy girl that everyone likes, everything was going so perfectly except I turned down all the opportunities I could have taken to physically escalate things, cause I figured I should move slowly for her. Turns out a girl is a girl, and I moved too slowly for her, and she put me in the friend zone - she liked me enough to come out on 3 dates with me, but on the 4th date she pulled out and said she has no feelings for me! Everything would have been great between us if not for the mysterious "I can't explain why I don't feel anything for you, I just don't." which I know full well what the answer is - I never escalated, so she can't see me in a romantic way.

Unfortunately in that final talk I also let on that I like her, but I maintained a confident, cock-sure position and wording the entire time. She was apologetic, but very insistent that she couldn't go on the 4th date with me. I told her I'll still invite her out as a friend unless she feels to awkward, and she said the awkward factor was pretty high, so I said okay, I won't invite you out anymore then! Lightheartedly of course. I ended the conversation saying if it helps her feel any better I won't be thinking about it after I hang up - still in a light hearted way if you can believe that.

Truth is I was devastated afterwards - not because she personally turned me down, but because someone of her CALIBRE turned me down - it's not exactly like all the guys are chasing after her! I learned my lesson - I won't turn down opportunities to escalate, and if I think I've been coming on too strongly, then say something to throw them off to counter it. Make it an emotional rollercoaster - cause if I do nothing, there's no emotion at all.

Ever since that moment I haven't exchanged so much as a Facebook comment with her. Not a peep. It's as if we never met. My plan for the moment is to have zero contact with her, see other girls as per usual, but once I'm dating, let her find out (via a Facebook wall comment where she'll see the girl in my profile photo), let her get jealous, and maybe in the future when things are different I'll have another shot at her.

Any advice on how we would get back together in the future? Don't see it as one-itis - I'm seeing other girls, she is just one girl I want to try out in the future. I'm planning ahead. I have other plans too but I've never been in the friend zone and trying to get out of it before.

Author:	Conker [ Wed Nov 04, 2009 3:22 pm ]
Post subject:	How to get out of friend zone
I was working on a very sweet loveable shy girl that everyone likes, everything was going so perfectly except I turned down all the opportunities I could have taken to physically escalate things, cause I figured I should move slowly for her. Turns out a girl is a girl, and I moved too slowly for her, and she put me in the friend zone - she liked me enough to come out on 3 dates with me, but on the 4th date she pulled out and said she has no feelings for me! Everything would have been great between us if not for the mysterious "I can't explain why I don't feel anything for you, I just don't." which I know full well what the answer is - I never escalated, so she can't see me in a romantic way. Unfortunately in that final talk I also let on that I like her, but I maintained a confident, cock-sure position and wording the entire time. She was apologetic, but very insistent that she couldn't go on the 4th date with me. I told her I'll still invite her out as a friend unless she feels to awkward, and she said the awkward factor was pretty high, so I said okay, I won't invite you out anymore then! Lightheartedly of course. I ended the conversation saying if it helps her feel any better I won't be thinking about it after I hang up - still in a light hearted way if you can believe that. Truth is I was devastated afterwards - not because she personally turned me down, but because someone of her CALIBRE turned me down - it's not exactly like all the guys are chasing after her! I learned my lesson - I won't turn down opportunities to escalate, and if I think I've been coming on too strongly, then say something to throw them off to counter it. Make it an emotional rollercoaster - cause if I do nothing, there's no emotion at all. Ever since that moment I haven't exchanged so much as a Facebook comment with her. Not a peep. It's as if we never met. My plan for the moment is to have zero contact with her, see other girls as per usual, but once I'm dating, let her find out (via a Facebook wall comment where she'll see the girl in my profile photo), let her get jealous, and maybe in the future when things are different I'll have another shot at her. Any advice on how we would get back together in the future? Don't see it as one-itis - I'm seeing other girls, she is just one girl I want to try out in the future. I'm planning ahead. I have other plans too but I've never been in the friend zone and trying to get out of it before.

Author:	odiesodiecop [ Wed Nov 04, 2009 5:16 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: How to get out of friend zone
Quote: I was working on a very sweet loveable shy girl that everyone likes, everything was going so perfectly except I turned down all the opportunities I could have taken to physically escalate things, cause I figured I should move slowly for her. Turns out a girl is a girl, and I moved too slowly for her, and she put me in the friend zone - she liked me enough to come out on 3 dates with me, but on the 4th date she pulled out and said she has no feelings for me! Everything would have been great between us if not for the mysterious "I can't explain why I don't feel anything for you, I just don't." which I know full well what the answer is - I never escalated, so she can't see me in a romantic way. Unfortunately in that final talk I also let on that I like her, but I maintained a confident, cock-sure position and wording the entire time. She was apologetic, but very insistent that she couldn't go on the 4th date with me. I told her I'll still invite her out as a friend unless she feels to awkward, and she said the awkward factor was pretty high, so I said okay, I won't invite you out anymore then! Lightheartedly of course. I ended the conversation saying if it helps her feel any better I won't be thinking about it after I hang up - still in a light hearted way if you can believe that. Truth is I was devastated afterwards - not because she personally turned me down, but because someone of her CALIBRE turned me down - it's not exactly like all the guys are chasing after her! I learned my lesson - I won't turn down opportunities to escalate, and if I think I've been coming on too strongly, then say something to throw them off to counter it. Make it an emotional rollercoaster - cause if I do nothing, there's no emotion at all. Ever since that moment I haven't exchanged so much as a Facebook comment with her. Not a peep. It's as if we never met. My plan for the moment is to have zero contact with her, see other girls as per usual, but once I'm dating, let her find out (via a Facebook wall comment where she'll see the girl in my profile photo), let her get jealous, and maybe in the future when things are different I'll have another shot at her. Any advice on how we would get back together in the future? Don't see it as one-itis - I'm seeing other girls, she is just one girl I want to try out in the future. I'm planning ahead. I have other plans too but I've never been in the friend zone and trying to get out of it before. I was in this exact position once before with a girl that I had a crush on for all throughout high school. I eventually went on to have a 4 year relationship with her and it was great while it lasted! Its very tricky leaving the friend zone once your in there. To get this girl, I simply just made sure she knew very clearer how i felt towards her right from the get go. Then I did not break contact with her.. i was very casual with her when she told me she didnt have the same feelings and pretended as if it did no affect me. I kept hanging out with her as friends, and even went on a few double dates with her. All in all the big things that eventually lead to our relationship was that she knew how i felt.. she saw how loyal i was through our friendship and as i learned more about her i played into her interests, pretending to like things i didnt really like so that we could relate more. Eventually she started seeing how great i was, or at least how great i want her to think i was. You have to make her see what she wants to see from you.. find out what she really truely wants and needs in a man and become that. If you can do that.. then she will be yours. Its a very delicate and LONG process. It's also a gamble, if you dont get it right, things could go south and you might end up getting hurt. It all depends on how far you really are wanting to go to get her. Hope some of that helped, and im sorry for the crappy grammar and spelling.

Author:	thelenzel [ Thu Nov 05, 2009 1:17 am ]
Post subject:
What I have learned from my past mistakes is this: Physically escalation, has to be done quick... but not to quick, its not like you just meet her and make out with her. As Mystery once said... you have to climb a ladder of Kino... First hold hands, then when she is comfortable with that, hug her, let her hug you back ... Then slowly progress into a kiss. My experiences have been... If you don't kiss her by the 2nd date, you WILL end up in friends zone.. The goal is to kiss her on the 1st date, so she FEELS your intentions, she will KNOW that you want something more from her, and she WILL tell you if she doesn't want anything else.

Author:	Jewness [ Thu Nov 05, 2009 6:17 pm ]
Post subject:
Answering this without reading post, just the subject. Best thing I have found is to get out the friendzone, you need to show pre-selection. Have a couple hot girls out with you when they are around and I can guarantee they start showing you more attention. Keep in mind this is still not easy and is an uphill battle, but I found this is the best method if you want to try

Author:	Conker [ Sat Nov 07, 2009 2:41 am ]
Post subject:
Thanks for your input guys, I really appreciate it. I will have to keep doing what I said (pre-selection like Jewness said) - cause unlike odiesodiecop, she doesn't want to hang out with me anymore, in spite of all the fun we had, cause she feels too awkward.

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Author:	Don Juan 89 [ Sat Nov 07, 2009 5:52 am ]
Post subject:
Make her jealous. Even though it seems like an old routine, it will almost always work. As posted before, if this girl sees you with hot girls (or girls in general) she would want to be around you more. Girls easily get jealous and it does strange things to them. Also posted before, you should be straightforward with your feelings. If she knows that you would still hook up with her, she will make an attempt to see you when the time is appropriate. Best.

Author:	FauxKnee [ Sun Nov 08, 2009 2:28 am ]
Post subject:
I dont see how being straight-forward with your feelings and telling her you want to be more than friends can help. Girls (and guys) want what they cant have - or have to work for - because you cant respect anything that just falls into your lap. Its all about the chase. This is a very vague Style reference, i remember reading something along those lines in The Game.

Author:	Conker [ Sun Nov 08, 2009 6:40 pm ]
Post subject:
Well ... context - I think that's more true in the initial stages when you're trying to attract her and get her attention. Once she's spending time with you, she wants to be swept off her feet. What's the point of spending so much time with someone when she doesn't feel like it's going anywhere? My hot, well partnered, female friend told me - You're either interested or you're not. There's a point where women want you to be direct and take what you want.

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