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Girls say there's no spark
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Author:  vip2211 [ Sat May 16, 2009 6:12 pm ]
Post subject:  Girls say there's no spark
I've been on several dates recently and things seem to be going really well and the girl seems to be interested in me. When I text for a second date the girls keep replying that while she had a lot of fun, she felt no spark. This is the third time in a row that I've literally gotten the same message. Has this happened to anyone and what can I do to change this?

Maybe I'm not escalating well?

Thanks!
Author:  Avber [ Sun May 17, 2009 6:01 pm ]
Post subject: 
Third time in a row for me too :cry:

Same exact situation.

Maybe we should make a club :wink:

What did you do on the date, did you build comfort, escalated kino ?

My situation was: 1. Deep comfort, she even told me about being molested as a child :cry: - no kino on my behalf, too surprised.

Outcome: "No chemistry for a relationship".

2. She gave me all the IOI's, told me how she needs a boyfriend. I was too chicken to escalate and I didn't build comfort, teased her with cocky funny too much.

Outcome : "Her heart isn't beating in the rythm of love"

3. Yesterday, a true hottie physically, (everyone I know would be envious). We met online. She's wanted a "sincere and caring" guy to treat her like a princess.

I figured that since she's a girl everyone hits on wherever she goes, if I try kino (which I suck at cause I never tried it and feel uncomfortable) it's gonna go bad.

Online, she was already planning to meet my friends and take me to her mother (she saw my pictures).

Real life, she left after 2hours saying I'm not her type of guy.

Now I can't help but feel like crap :cry:


If it's any comfort to you :D

But I'd appreciate some advice too..., in this thread.
Author:  vip2211 [ Mon May 18, 2009 1:34 pm ]
Post subject: 
I did not build kino on any of the dates and didn't think I escalated well. However, the dates genuinely seemed like they were having a great time though, so I was taken a back when they did not want a second date.

After reading your post, it's clear that you did pretty much the same. And I would say that's the most common denominator between our two situations.

I think my problem may be that I just "talk" to the girls and try to skate by on having good conversation without working to build attraction enough. I guess I have to work on escalating and building kino better.

Does this sound like you too?
Author:  Avber [ Mon May 18, 2009 5:40 pm ]
Post subject: 
Yeah, we're doing the same thing. I think we're both thinking that since they're having a good time, we WILL get a 2nd date, for sure.

What I realised this weekend by analizing my last date is that there was no tension, no awkward situations, no sexual talk, no qualifying.

What I recommend that we do is get into the mentality that we're the ones who decide if there is "chemistry" and definetely go for kino, however awkward it might seem when you're starting fresh (atleast for me).

Let's just face it, girls need the kino escalation and without it we're always going to get the same shitty SMS's.

How long did your dates last and which one of you was the one saying you should go ?
Author:  vip2211 [ Wed May 20, 2009 2:37 pm ]
Post subject: 
Yep. you're 100% right, I don't think I had tension, awkward situations, sexual talk, either. I always make sure to ask some qualifying questions, but i still think I was too minimal.

The dates lasted between 2 and 3 hours with one lasting closer to four, but she was always the one who called them to a halt. I guess it should probably have been me, but I always have a tough time cutting the chord on situations ilke that. What about you?

How do I kino escalate when I sit across the table from somone?
Author:  Avber [ Wed May 20, 2009 10:02 pm ]
Post subject: 
Haha, that's the question that's been bothering me too :D.

It was what happened on my 2nd date, and part of the reason why I didn't try to escalate.

I can't speak universally, and I'm not the best person to dish out advice, but :

You just seek different situations, like: going for a walk, doing some other activity, choosing bars with those open seats, and if you really have to go the regular coffee table way, build attraction (and little kino on the way there) and comfort. Once you start getting IOI's move closer to her (with some excuse regarding to the thing you're talking) or take her to a different location.

Sitting for 4hours at the same place is a very bad idea.

On my first date I moved the girl to 3 different locations and it could of been a kiss close easily after we've built comfort on the 1st, but I blew it.

Have you read any of the Kino Escalator articles ?

Seems natural to me on paper, but also awkward when in field...
Author:  Shades_ [ Wed May 20, 2009 11:23 pm ]
Post subject: 
Sorry this is happening to you guys. I'm no Cassanova, but I may be able to help a bit.

It sounds like what you guys are really lacking is confidence, and I recognize that because unfortunately I suffer from the same problem. Girls will smell timidity and fear all over you, and it is not attractive to them. You both said that they're giving you IOI's. Well they're giving you these IOI's for a reason! They want you to act on them, and if you miss out on too many opportunities, then their interest will fade.

Avber you're right, what you need to do is get into the mentality that you are the one deciding whether or not this girl is good enough for you, not the other way around. You can study up on kino escalation and what not, that's definitely not a bad thing, but I think the best thing for you two would be to read up on inner game and self confidence. When you have that it shows, and girls go crazy for it. The rest will follow.
Author:  Slowburner [ Fri May 22, 2009 9:00 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Sorry this is happening to you guys. I'm no Cassanova, but I may be able to help a bit.

It sounds like what you guys are really lacking is confidence, and I recognize that because unfortunately I suffer from the same problem. Girls will smell timidity and fear all over you, and it is not attractive to them. You both said that they're giving you IOI's. Well they're giving you these IOI's for a reason! They want you to act on them, and if you miss out on too many opportunities, then their interest will fade.

Avber you're right, what you need to do is get into the mentality that you are the one deciding whether or not this girl is good enough for you, not the other way around. You can study up on kino escalation and what not, that's definitely not a bad thing, but I think the best thing for you two would be to read up on inner game and self confidence. When you have that it shows, and girls go crazy for it. The rest will follow.
I think that is on the mark. When girls say there is no spark you've basically missed the signals she was sending. SHE WILL NOT SAY WHAT SHE WANTS. If you're lucky she may drop a hint. If you don't pick up on that she will have 2nd thoughts and you quickly become friends material or less.

One question. If this happens and you continue on a friends basis is there any chance of it progressing beyond friendship? Instinctively I think NO. Anyone have experience of this?
Author:  Flink [ Fri May 22, 2009 4:45 pm ]
Post subject: 
Not a weekend goes by without me wondering what i did before i learned the simple koncept of kino escalation. It's simple, it's obvious, and being consious about it works miracles.

Now, I'm not super experienced or anything. If you read my most recent thread, you'll see that I have problems lady-wise also. But kino isn't one of them!

My first impression when i heard about the concept was that it felt too aggressive and too creepy to start touching her almost right away. It isn't. If you're not at least a little aggressive, the girl will become bored (what they call "no spark"). Of cause there's plenty of ways to improve your spoken part, but kino is so simple to learn and the results come fast once you get used to doing it, that it's really a must.

Ok, enough talk. Here's my two favorite kino starts which are so casual and non-threatening that i've never had anyone object to it. It's all about getting started.

1: When standing next to her use the outside of your flat hand to touch her arm. This can either be done when you want to emphasize something your saying or if you just want her to look your way while you ask her something. It's very innocent, but it gets the whole "it's-ok-to-touch" thing going.

2: Put a hand on her shoulder. Only for half a second, we don't want to creepy. This also works well when you want to emphasize something you say. If you're sitting at opposite sides of a table this can be done when you get back from whatever (toilet, bar etc...), but personally i like to sit/stand next to a girl most of the time.

These are both simple, they feel natural and they are non-threatening. Really, its extremely basic, but it gives results! Of course it always works best when done from a state of confidence, as Shades mentions.

Flink
Author:  Kalel [ Mon May 25, 2009 8:54 am ]
Post subject: 
Maybe the problem is that you guys are too good at having a conversation. It is important to build report, but that can't be the entire interaction.

Are you guys familiar with Tridune brain theory? I learned it from some David D program. Basically it says that sexual desire is an instinct and therefore is located in the most primitive part of the human brain. Above instinct is emotions, and above emotions is logic/reasoning. A human can only process in one part of the brain at a time. When women are having a logical conversation they are using the logical part of their brain and therefore are not emotional or running on instinct.

What does this all mean? You can't talk or reason a woman into bed. You have to activate the most primitive parts of their brains through action. Kino and body language are very important. Flirting is very important too because it puts sexual thoughts in their heads and gets them to start using the instinct part of their brains.

Just because a girl feels comfortable with you, doesn't mean that they want to sleep with you. While you're having an amazing conversation with her, she's probably eying some guy on the other side of the room.
Author:  Slowburner [ Mon May 25, 2009 9:52 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hey that was spot on kalel.

If anything the only problem I have with conversation is getting a word in edgewise. Women seem to spill their guts to me. maybe that's the time to get physical. I'll just have to accept I'm uncomfortable with it at present but do it. Was never raised in a touchy feely family. So this is really alien to me. Have to do it. What's the worst that can happen? LIstened to a Sinn interview where he said that there is lot higher chance of failure if you don't escalate and kino than if you do. This could be the key for me
Author:  Ezo [ Thu May 28, 2009 1:13 am ]
Post subject: 
Good call Kalel!

Get them emotionally involved.

Pump the buying temperature.

Kino escalate.

Show playfulness!!!!

Those are the things I have found to initiate the spark.

Ezo
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