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I guess this is why they stress "dont give a sh*t"
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Author:  Reminis [ Sun Dec 21, 2008 4:52 am ]
Post subject:  I guess this is why they stress "dont give a sh*t"
The reason I am posting this in Sticking Points is because it has been a sticking point for me for a while and might open the eyes of other fellow members here. :lol:

I met this girl in a mall while I was with a few of my buddies. We talked for about 15min and we planned on hitting up the movies that night to watch Twlight.

I finally had the balls kiss her on the 2nd day after a what I would call "perfect" date. I could of got a kiss on first night I just didn't have the balls too.

We talked/saw each other for like 4 consecutive days and I was really liking this girl, at first I didn't want a LTR at all but she was starting to change my mind...At Least for the holidays :twisted:.

When I introduced her to my friends they seemed to be ok with her. Later on they told me the following over next few days
"You could do better", "shes too tall for you", "Her chin is big", "She has small boobs" etc etc. Every time I heard such comments interest for her was lessened. I kept second questioning myself "Do I really want to GF this girl?".

Every time I was with her my interest shot back up, but when my friends were around I was doing less Kino, wasn't paying much attention to her and I was really being a different guy when my friends were around.

This girl eventually LJBF me because I'm guessing I didn't have enough game to make her forget or choose me over her 2.5 yr ex BF she had just broken up with a month before when He called her and eventually they got back together.

She did end up telling my friend who became good friends with her that she noticed I "changed". I don't know if this was because of me trying act like I had no interest in her around my friends or was my game overall changing daily and I was trying too much different stuff on her?


TL;DR
The Moral of the story is... don't take what other people say to you to heart when it comes to what YOU want. If you want to date that girl, date her, If you want to wear that hat...yet everyone tells you, you look stupid in it, WEAR IT. I know Owen Cook(tyler durden) stresses "DON'T give a shit" a lot in his Blueprint series and if i would of held that mindset I probably wouldn't be spending X-mas Single.

Hopefully my grammar isn't TOO bad, it's my first official thread.
:twisted:
Author:  Drakelet [ Sun Dec 21, 2008 10:37 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I guess this is why they stress "dont give a sh*t&q
This is what's currently with me SPAM actually. And it's true, all the negative comments do affect you. Although as you said I'm just ignoring them, although it is hard. Reading what you've said though, I feel, will actually help me though. F*** them.
Quote:
If you want to wear that hat...yet everyone tells you, you look stupid in it, WEAR IT.
Exactly what happened yesterday. :D Wore a bright red cowboy hat around town just for the sheer hell of it, even though everyone was telling me I look stupid and to take it off.
Author:  Reminis [ Sun Dec 21, 2008 6:33 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I guess this is why they stress "dont give a sh*t&a
Quote:
This is what's currently with me SPAM actually. And it's true, all the negative comments do affect you. Although as you said I'm just ignoring them, although it is hard. Reading what you've said though, I feel, will actually help me though. F*** them.
Quote:
If you want to wear that hat...yet everyone tells you, you look stupid in it, WEAR IT.
Exactly what happened yesterday. :D Wore a bright red cowboy hat around town just for the sheer hell of it, even though everyone was telling me I look stupid and to take it off.
They do haunt you behind your head.. instead of having a Happy open mind, You will not get into "state" because you are still second guessing yourself and don't want her kino you around your friends.


I wore a hat my friends told me I look stupid in. Walking out my house I got "You're not going wear that hat... you won't walk out the house with it"

I Walked out and had an amazing night.

:D
Author:  Chief [ Mon Dec 22, 2008 10:04 am ]
Post subject: 
This thread gets the official Chief's Seal Of Approval (CSOA)

Image
Author:  Reminis [ Mon Dec 22, 2008 10:09 am ]
Post subject: 
Thanks Chief. I can't give you enough credit for my learning curve ive had over past month due to your time and willingness. :oops:
Author:  Drakelet [ Mon Dec 22, 2008 8:20 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I guess this is why they stress "dont give a sh*t&a
Quote:
They do haunt you behind your head.. instead of having a Happy open mind, You will not get into "state" because you are still second guessing yourself and don't want her kino you around your friends.
Found out last night she had actually gone out and fucked someone behind my back. So just a warning, sometimes liars actually don't lie.
And now she's not talking to me, which isn't helping.
Oh well, "it's no big deal". Just another reason why not to buy them lots of presents.
Author:  Munroe (MUNROE) [ Tue Dec 23, 2008 4:11 am ]
Post subject: 
You allowed your friends to impose a stronger reality than you. You knew what you wanted, but you let the lack of validation from your friends stop you from taking it. You may think that you have secured their approval, but if you had just stood your ground, taken what you wanted, and owned it without apologizes, your friends would have respected you for it. If not, then maybe you need some new friends.
Author:  Reminis [ Tue Dec 23, 2008 4:35 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
You allowed your friends to impose a stronger reality than you. You knew what you wanted, but you let the lack of validation from your friends stop you from taking it. You may think that you have secured their approval, but if you had just stood your ground, taken what you wanted, and owned it without apologizes, your friends would have respected you for it. If not, then maybe you need some new friends.
Pretty much, If I would have stand my ground with my choices they wouldn't have braught it up again. I let them manipulate me. :evil:
Author:  Munroe (MUNROE) [ Tue Dec 23, 2008 5:38 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
You allowed your friends to impose a stronger reality than you. You knew what you wanted, but you let the lack of validation from your friends stop you from taking it. You may think that you have secured their approval, but if you had just stood your ground, taken what you wanted, and owned it without apologizes, your friends would have respected you for it. If not, then maybe you need some new friends.
Pretty much, If I would have stand my ground with my choices they wouldn't have braught it up again. I let them manipulate me. :evil:
Don't feel bad. Advise from friends is often a good thing, but make sure you're differentiating between genuine advice and just peer pressure.

Think of it like building up muscle. You're sore right now, but next time you will be stronger.
Author:  The Big Bad Wolf [ Fri Jan 16, 2009 5:29 pm ]
Post subject: 
I bet you the LJBF came because of your uncertainty.
It was probably obvious to the girl, and an inconsistent frame is a major turnoff.. (If being inconsistent is a part of your frame, and done in a playful way, it can be cool, but don't change who you are, and how you are because of anyone else. that's showing a weak self-image. at least as far as I know, scream if anyone disagrees with that.)

By acting differently around your friends with her, you efficiently disqualified her worth over your friends. This would've made her, probably, feel that you somehow were ashamed of her, or something like it.


And that sucks, to her. hehe

My advice to anyone who find themselves in that situation is as you say, reinforce your frame...
Who is it you're living your life for ? Who is the one who is going to die when it's time for you to die ? (Hendrix, right there, hehe.)
Do you pick girls for social proof ? or do you pick the girl that you want for yourself ?

Trying to use a girl to up your own social value is weak. Social Value is something you create, and it's limitless.... you don't have to buy it from others. but this should become obvious as you gain experience.

And hey, man, shame it had to go down like that, but at least you gained the insight, the enlightenment you needed from the experience.
It's, ultimately, and primarily your life, and there's no one you have to get approval from for your actions and choices.

;) cheers.
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