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What/How do you guys get over setbacks?
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Author:  simpleShock [ Tue Mar 25, 2008 2:05 am ]
Post subject:  What/How do you guys get over setbacks?
I keep on replaying in my mind when three months ago when I had the opportunity to kiss a sexy girl, she was waiting for me to make the move while she was in my car following a whole night of dancing together. I put so much pressure on getting her, the anxiety/pressure to kiss felt like TNT, I could not bear it and I told her to leave. She left the car . I blew it. I don’t want to waste so much brain activity on this incident, but it just keeps on returning. Do you just sarge on? How do you put lingering feelings of failure to rest? Get some more success? I keep thinking what could have been, and why am I so terrified to kiss a girl, it just takes a hit on you manhood. I am 24 with a v-card.

SimpleShock
Author:  yokezg63 [ Tue Mar 25, 2008 2:28 am ]
Post subject: 
I've had problems with this for a long time.

It's imperative that you don't associate any negative emotions to the event. Don't tie the incident to your self worth - you'll just beat yourself up that way. The outcome didn't have anything to do with YOU. It was simply due to something that you DID (or didn't do). You didn't fail - your actions were responsible. Just remember to change your actions.

Think of it critically. It will sting a little, but just tell yourself that things will be different next time. Instead of seeing the event as a whole, just break it down to parts so you can analyze. Ask yourself: what did I not do? What could I have done better?

Remember that nobody is perfect. Even the master PUA's stumbled in the very beginning. You're no different. It's a natural process of learning. There will be many more chances, so there's no point in getting stuck on that one moment. What's REALLY important is whether or not you'll handle those new events differently.

Losers live in the past. Winners use the past to improve their future. Remember that. Just maintain a positive mind-set. You're doing fine.
Author:  Mr. Amador [ Tue Mar 25, 2008 3:42 am ]
Post subject: 
Usually when I fuck up...I think about it a couple of days and then forget about it.

I wachted this movie about a nuclear disaster of some sort. "The sum of all fears", thats the name...maybe.

So there was some terrible chemical terrorist attack or something like that on Chechenia, it was done by some kind of rebels on the russian army. Everybody tought it was the russian prez who did it.

He said he ordered it and everybody got mad at him.

When one of his advisor asked him "Why did you said that? all the world will hate us for it"

He just answered: "Well, its better to apear guilty than weak these days"

So whenever I fuck up with a girl I just say: "I dont care!! If I looked like an asshole...well thats cause Im an asshole"

A couple weeks ago, I was gaming a HB8, she was totally into me. And I tried to neg her, but the neg came like an insult (I got distracted :oops: )

I felt bad about it for a couple days, but then I tought; Who I wanna be? the guy that fucked up and then felt sorry about it? Or the bastard that insulted her, cause he is an ass?

I prefer the second one, at least he doesnt needs validation from the girl.

In your particular scenario:

Who do you prefer to be:

a) the guy that wussed out when there was a chance for the kiss

or

b) The guy that didnt wanted to kissed her cause...she had bad breath...or (my personal favorite) things were getting too fast.

Seems like you have a big problem with it ( :shock: three months? dude get over it). I used to have it too, back in my AFC days. I solved it before I knew anything about the game, just by using that mantra.

"Its better to appear guilty than weak"

If you look guilty...at least you did something. But if you came out as weak...you are just a loser...an AFC.

Maybe thats why girls love badboys. 8)
Author:  sydarm [ Tue Mar 25, 2008 5:41 am ]
Post subject: 
It's rough when u get into a social situation and ur replaying old shit that went wrong like that in ur mind. I'm struggling with the constant thoughts about where I've gone wrong with sets, girls, whatever in this pua area of my life right now.

One of the things that has helped me is to just think about what you did well. It would appear that things went smoothly up until the kiss barrier, which by the way, I experienced a similar situation myself where I failed to escalate and felt like a tool...but anyways...

Remember the positives. When in doubt, escalate. If you get shut down or she says its too soon, then u continue and escalate later. Even if it creeps her out, at least u tried. It's much better to have tried to escalate and fail than to not try. If u don't try for it, ur never gonna get her anyways.
Author:  Mr. Amador [ Tue Mar 25, 2008 1:50 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
When in doubt, escalate. If you get shut down or she says its too soon, then u continue and escalate later.
Thats right....take your chances, play your cards and go with it.

If it doesnt works use freeze outs and takeaways...thats the whole point of cat string theory: Two steps foward one step back.
Author:  simpleShock [ Tue Mar 25, 2008 11:45 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hey blak000, thanks for that well put together response.
Quote:
You didn't fail - your actions were responsible. Just remember to change your actions.
Think of it critically. It will sting a little, but just tell yourself that things will be different next time.
What's REALLY important is whether or not you'll handle those new events differently.
Losers live in the past. Winners use the past to improve their future. Remember that. Just maintain a positive mind-set. You're doing fine.
The thing which bothers me is that currently being an AFC, my mind locks in on one girl that shows interest. I invested too much into this girl. But being AFC is operating on desperation mode. I really need to work on my whole philosophy to the art. And learn to apply it to my whole life and not only women.
Quote:
One of the things that has helped me is to just think about what you did well. It would appear that things went smoothly up until the kiss barrier,
That is reassuring, and yes, they did go well. Until the kissing/intimacy. I thought a kiss would be easy, but for some reason it was not. I think the deeper connection which the women was looking for freaked me out. But why? I should be enjoying these connections, my ego took over and I ran with my tail between my legs.
Quote:
Who do you prefer to be:
a) the guy that wussed out when there was a chance for the kiss
or
b) The guy that didnt wanted to kissed her cause...she had bad breath...or (my personal favorite) things were getting too fast.
Heh, it’s a creative way of changing the frame. But I am learning that there is nothing to be guilty about. Messing up is part of learning, dealing with emotions is something new to me.

It’s great to have all this support in these matters. For now I will dwell on what I did right, and the good things I have experiences. Most memorable being that when she gave me the warmest hug I have ever received by a woman. And this was something like three weeks following the failed-kiss-attempt, but I could not even talk to her at that point, I was still embarrassed. My ego took a big hit. But I am recovering now. :). And I think I know what I need to do.

Thanks for all the suggestions,
SimpleShock
Author:  theclaw [ Sun Apr 13, 2008 11:03 am ]
Post subject: 
wow
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