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can't make friends
https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=56&t=154951		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  themaincola [ Wed Jan 16, 2013 5:21 am ]
Post subject:  can't make friends
life is better when you can share it with others..

i don't know why i have such a hard time making friends..
i do have some but they are all older (early 30's, im 26)
and most of them are shacked up with a GF or wifey. so they are no fun most the time!

i think i would be a lot more popular if i drank alcohol more often..
as it seems like 20-50's is all about getting drunk..

im allergic to booze. i have the Asian flush (im not even Asian)
so i don't drink often.

i feel like ima pretty likable guy..
i can get along with a wide range of people. i know a bit of people but no close friends that i get to see often.
i know i need to call people more often and get out the house more.

what can i do? i've been very lonely for very long now..

time to start picking up dudes, hah no homo :)
Author:  kasabi [ Wed Jan 16, 2013 6:22 am ]
Post subject:  Re: can't make friends
"Picking up dudes" is really not too different from picking up ladies. LOL . . .

The World wants to view relationships as unconditional but the only reason that this cliche' is repeated so often is because no relationships are. When you get down to it, everybody gains 'something' from any relationship, even when people think/say that a particular relationship is unconditional. Childhood friends have trust in one another, they know details about each other, they have comfort. They've hurt each other, they've bounced back from one another. . . there's actually A LOT people in these relationships give one another.

So the idea is to figure out what you have to offer others in a relationship. It's this 'offering' that keeps people close to you. Some people might put such ideas down as 'calculative' or 'manipulative' but really. . . the only difference is an awareness. You can be aware of exchanges of energy or unaware. . .

If you read about pick up, you'll have seen 'value' highlighted often, even though most have no idea what this really means:

Value = Perceived benefit/price.

Raise your value and people, women and men alike, will stick to you. So let's get to the nuts and bolts with an example first. A car dealer can sell you perceived benefits, "Fast, luxury, shiny" and he can sell you price, "low purchase price, fuel economy, low maintenance costs." But only YOU can determine value. If your perceived benefit "fast, luxury, shiny" is lower than costs associated with that car, you don't buy it. You've determined the car to be low value. Thus when you offer your friendship to others you only have control over (perceived benefits/price). You cannot determine your value, THEY DO. Thus this equation will work out to be different with everybody.

Don't stop at "I'm a likable guy." Write down all the qualities & skillsets that you have that can enrich other people's lives. Whether it's your humor, history knowledge, or ability to change oil in your car, write all of these things down. . . so that you are aware of your qualities but more importantly, you can share these qualities with others. Then think of the 'costs' of being your friend. What are some things people might have to 'sacrifice' to hang out with you? Some things are within your control (bossy, self-centered, etc...) other things are not, (work schedule, lack of money to buy a round when they buy you one, etc ...) but the idea is to lower the costs as much as possible.

And you 'demonstrate' ^these things to those who you meet. Be selective and to the point... a guy who plays pick-up basketball game every weekend with a bunch of friends might be interested that you played high school ball (and will most likely invite you) but a guy who has no interest in sports will not be.

*Just because you see yourself as 'without friends' now doesn't mean you need to settle for shitty people. Seriously . . . good people will find you. If they don't vibe with you, let them go.

** An high ranking exec of a large company recently gave me "corporate advice" but I think it applies socially as well. He told me, "The idea is to become the hot furnace in cold weather. Be warm so that people will flock to you. . . but if they step over their boundaries, make sure they burn a little so they step back. It doesn't mean you pour fire over their heads but let them know they can't walk all over you."

You will meet lots of people.... and friends will find you. Good luck.
Author:  puaninja [ Wed Jan 16, 2013 1:11 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: can't make friends
No offense, but dudes are for the most part douchebags. They'll DLV you, or sell you out for a piece of ass, or talk shit to you when they get mad. Unless the guy is a longterm friend, typically from your school days, then you probably won't be finding many good guy friends.

Your best bet is to find commonalities and share those with male acquaintances from time to time. Maybe on a sports team, or possibly even finding wingmen who want to sarge with you. But keep them at arms length, because 9 times out of 10 they'll try to steer your life in a direction that you don't want it to go.

Keep in mind that you are the alpha male of your world. You want to find a woman or women to revolve around you and your world, with any dudes being at the further points of the solar system that revolves around you. Dudes just look at you as one of the many people in the background of their lives, and they'll treat you accordingly. My advice. Do the same to them.
Author:  PatrickAnanda [ Wed Jan 16, 2013 4:43 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: can't make friends
Quote:
life is better when you can share it with others..

i don't know why i have such a hard time making friends..
i do have some but they are all older (early 30's, im 26)
and most of them are shacked up with a GF or wifey. so they are no fun most the time!

i think i would be a lot more popular if i drank alcohol more often..
as it seems like 20-50's is all about getting drunk..

im allergic to booze. i have the Asian flush (im not even Asian)
so i don't drink often.

i feel like ima pretty likable guy..
i can get along with a wide range of people. i know a bit of people but no close friends that i get to see often.
i know i need to call people more often and get out the house more.

what can i do? i've been very lonely for very long now..

time to start picking up dudes, hah no homo :)
Hey mate

*shameless plug: We teach social arts at CMP and have a specific course on making friends. We can do this over SPAM, just follow the link in my signature.

Back to the post.

Basically, making friends is about connecting with people. Think about yourself and ask yourself this: Am I a cool guy to hang out with? Am I the type of person people want to be around? Do I bring the good emotions and party with me?

Next, I want you to watch Entourage. The entire series. Focus on Vincent Chase's character and notice how he behaves, how he walks, how he talks. Look how playful, relaxed and fun he is to be around (before the drugs). Look at how he gives freely and most importantly, Is the exact same with women as he is with men. Maybe the subject of another post entirely, but one common theme I found with all the naturals I met or have seen on television, is they are ALL the exact same person with men as with women. Now take a look at guys at a club, how they sit and joke around together and when a girl comes around they get all serious and quiet. Watch Vince closely. Naturally, he is a movie star so a lot of the friendships he makes is cause of that, but forget that for a second. Im talking about his behavior here.

People's favourite subject is themselves, and their favourite word is their own name. Be warm. Go up to people and put a big arm around their shoulders. Take your hand out and introduce yourself. Remember their name and repeat it often. Talk about them. If they are standing around at a booth, tell them it must suck standing there for hours, and it reminds you of the job you once worked at such and such. People love people who can relate to them. Once youve showed them you know how they feel, shut the fuck up and let them talk. Let people open up. "Damn man, you seem like a chill guy. lets grab drinks together!" Done. You have new friends.

Doing what I do has allowed me to befriend the bouncers and owners of the biggest nightclubs in my city, Hotel managers, a variety of socialites and a massive social circle of beautiful - and amazing girls.

Im here as long as you need me
we'll get you through this mate

love and lots of it
Mack
Author:  R.C [ Wed Jan 16, 2013 5:19 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: can't make friends
Making friends is overrated. Like ninja said , 90% will sell you out for a cheap piece of ass. 90% ? sorry,I meant 98%.

I had this 'friend' with whom I've been hanging out for the better part of year I in college.I did this because my best friend was abroad and my other one was living 300km away at the time. I though he was cool , till we went to a bar and some chick sarged us. He suddenly started trying to DLV me , AMOG me. Basically neutrilize me ( he wasn't a player of the game , he had no clue it existed , just a desperate AFC trying to score no matter what).

Like the fucking awesome wingman I am , I even went with it. I DLVed myself. I helped him out in every way I could and then I left. I don't know if he closed her in any way. I don't care.I just gave him 1$ out of the 1000$ he could've won by being a loyal friend to me ,so to speak .I didn't talk to that piece of crap ever again.

Either way , you can have 100 fake friends or 2-3 real friends.I basically lost my 2-3 real friends when I moved to college. Everyone went their separate ways following their own dreams. Yeah , we still keep in touch , but it's not the same.

Having a great friend is like having a great girlfriend. It's a truly rare thing to have happen to you. PUA skills might help out , but in the end it all comes down to luck.

PUA improves social skills and helps you meet more people.The more people you meet the better your chances of finding someone 'special'.There's a downside of PUA though.The more people you meet the more dissapointed you'll become in humankind as a whole.
Author:  themaincola [ Thu Jan 17, 2013 5:50 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: can't make friends
Kasabi, R.C, Puaninja, and The_Mack

thank you all very much, i got some thing from each of your posts.

i appreciate it.. also find it funny how helpful some of you were while saying most guy friends are
just trouble.. you guys were nothing but helpful!

thank you!!
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