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Severe approach issues, university student
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Author:  Harpwn [ Tue Nov 06, 2012 3:12 pm ]
Post subject:  Severe approach issues, university student
Ok so first off I should point out that Im 20 and a university student in the UK, Ive also been single since I was 15. (Ill spare you all the self-pity bullshit)

I started reading into all this about 5 months ago but my perception of things has changed dramatically. Originally I had severe approach anxiety which prevented me from talking to anyone, one day i decided to destroy my approach anxiety by literally opening every girl I could see in a club. It worked and I become much more capable of talking to women, well at least for a short while.

Since then Ive gone full circle and am once again having trouble when talking to women, however this time it isnt as much approach anxiety. I see far to many negative variables in any situation which just increases my anxiety and prevents me from making any moves. Maybe its me, maybe its the university environment, but I never see any decent chances.

Some of many factors that usually prevent me from approaching:

1. My Friends - Unfortunately I have a terrible friend group, if I was to quantify the effect my friends have on my chances on a scale of 1-10 most would earn a 1-3 (but fall to -4 when they are drunk). The guy who considers himself to be my wingman would earn -7, he has no social skills and refuses to take on any advice I give him. I have issues shaking him off, unfortunately hes just a bit to close of a friend to tell to **** off. Before anyone says anything, he is a lost cause...
My current solution to this is to wander, sometimes actively loosing my friends on purpose and pretending to wait around or look for them in other places.

2. The university environment - First off I should point out that I am talking purely about clubs and bars, meeting people in other scenarios is very hard for me. I study a course with 99:1 male to female ratio if that. Most societies only meet for nights out.
So when it comes to clubs and bars I usually find:
  • Women are hooked. (not single)
    Women travel in packs, its intimidating when Im alone.
    Women are too drunk, my morals prevent me approaching.
    Women are often already tracking other men.
3. My wall of morals and standards - I really only began noticing this quite recently, I actively avoid women I don't consider it correct to talk to. Unfortunately my morals are if anything preventing me meeting people.
Things such as:
  • Girl looks too drunk, I need to be either equal to or more to talk to her.
    I cant actively scope out a girls attractiveness or age (this happens a bit to often as I have trouble telling sometimes) therefore I avoid approaching.
In so many occasions a hot girl will literally be shaking her ass in my face and I will actively avoid approach, often they move on quite fast and in no time are on another guy which justifies my choice in my head. I am finding it very hard to break this wall, my only solution is to get drunk enough to forget about it.



Given more time I could thing of more but for now Ill leave it there. I really need solutions, my love life is in absolute shambles and its getting harder to deal with.

Since last time I posted I've taken the following steps:
  • I've stopped fapping - once a week is the limit, maybe less if I can manage it. (down from twice a day)

    I've tried to educate some of my more sensible single friends, some ive talked to about the book itself, others I've just pointed out obvious mistakes. (unfortunately they drink to much to care a lot of the time)

    I push my friends to challenge me, unfortunately they don't very often. (I find it much easier to jump into a set when someone actively questions my ability to do so)

    I am attempting to find new friends, I know my friends are poison to my chances and Im trying to deal with it. My current societies don't meet on very good days so I often miss events.

    I quit online dating, not only was the ratio way off but the quality of women was terrible. I am not even talking about attractiveness, the women are all shallow, picky and have obvious personality flaws. My views on women were beginning to make me consider being gay, the women on POF are absolute trash.
FYI I am looking for a wing in Plymouth UK, similar age needed.
Author:  puaninja [ Tue Nov 06, 2012 3:43 pm ]
Post subject: 
Instead of just going berserker and opening every set you come across, try to be a little more selective, but not overly discriminatory. Open drunk girls, but don't open the sloppy drunk ones who are hanging on their boyfriends. I'm noticing that you have a very concise perception of how you view women and opening sets, but it's mainly in a negative way. You seem to list all the reasons why NOT to open a set. How about taking that energy and putting it into making a list of techniques you can use to open various sets?

Also, don't confine yourself to the limitations of your day to day world. Go out daygaming at random places. Join some meetup group or take up a hobby or take lessons somewhere. Get outside of your box. Don't just be like "Well I only can meet girls at the bar when I go out, or at uni, and most of them are drunk or with someone so it's hopeless...." That accomplishes nothing.
Author:  Harpwn [ Tue Nov 06, 2012 3:47 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Instead of just going berserker and opening every set you come across, try to be a little more selective, but not overly discriminatory
This only happened once, and was purely an confidence building exercise.
Quote:
How about taking that energy and putting it into making a list of techniques you can use to open various sets?
Any chance you could give me an example, Im finding it hard to visualize.
Author:  puaninja [ Tue Nov 06, 2012 3:57 pm ]
Post subject: 
Just learn how to interact with a set. Learn some openers and routines and practice them in private, then in the field. Have a routine you use while in class. Have another one you use at the bar. Maybe the one in class has to do with homework or reading/books. Maybe the one you use at the bar has to do with this crazy drink you always order.

If I go to the mall I ask them about what they are shopping for. If I meet them at a gallery I ask them what type of artwork they do/like. I know before I go out where I'm going and what types of things I can say in set that is relevant. Yes, I could go anywhere and ask the first girl I see who lies more, men or women, but I'm not really letting my personality shine through in a scripted stale routine like that. I guess what I'm saying is practice being more natural.
Author:  Harpwn [ Thu Nov 08, 2012 9:37 am ]
Post subject: 
So after reading your post i decided to start using a notepad to write down techniques, theories, openers and reports. Yesterday my goal was to attain a decent wing, I established who in the group was single and got close to one of the guys (university sports society).

All night I used the line "have you seen a guy in a scooby doo costume" (of course no such man existed but it worked very well) followed by a carefull look around and then "well your here anyway, ill find him later". I used my wander tactic several times and in the end got to escalation incidental class 1 with 1 girl and overt class 1 with another (untill getting AMOGed by the girls friend). Between which I opened about 4 sets and had decent conversation with all but one.

1 girl asked for my number, another my facebook.

All in all better than usual. Taking notes and following then helped me keep my cool for much longer

Thanks for the advice, if you have any critics please mention.

Oh and the first girl had a boyfriend back home, but still acted very touchy feely with me for a while. She went to large lengths to prove this when I called her out on it.

http://www.tsbmag.com/2006/10/17/a-step ... scalation/
Author:  puaninja [ Thu Nov 08, 2012 1:29 pm ]
Post subject: 
You've opened and closed sets and realized what is needed to continue to develop yourself as a pua. My work here is done.
Author:  Br3ezy [ Thu Nov 08, 2012 5:11 pm ]
Post subject: 
One of your thing says

-Women are often already tracking other men


What makes you say that? And why do you think women are tracking other men and not you?
Author:  Harpwn [ Fri Nov 09, 2012 12:36 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
One of your thing says

-Women are often already tracking other men


What makes you say that? And why do you think women are tracking other men and not you?
I guess you could say its one of my excuses when I am putting off approaching.
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