PUA Forum
https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/

Getting girls, but only as friends.
https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=56&t=137258		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  Fossa50 [ Thu May 31, 2012 10:44 pm ]
Post subject:  Getting girls, but only as friends.
Hi, I'm 17 years old and I have no problem talking to women as I am rather funny and am able to maintain good conversation most of the time. After I talk to her, and add her on a social network such as Facebook ( so as to message her and what not) I get stuck as a friend.
I don't really get to be the so called "therapist" for her problems. They usually treat me as if I'm a girl. I don't think I give the impression that I'm gay, but I feel I'm being treated like one.

N.B I have a good background about The Game and routines, but I have to admit that I haven't practiced as much. Anyway just adding this to the post if it helps.
Thanks,
Fossa
Author:  XxBAMFxX [ Thu May 31, 2012 11:07 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Getting girls, but only as friends.
Quote:
N.B I have a good background about The Game and routines, but I have to admit that I haven't practiced as much.
Therein lies your answer.
Author:  Fossa50 [ Thu May 31, 2012 11:38 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thanks. The thing is that I fear rejection. I hate to fail, it's built in my nature and is harder for me than most other guys (at least that's what I think)

Hopefully I'll get over it. Summer's coming up and I have to make sure I meet plenty of women.
Thanks for taking time to reply.
Fossa.
Author:  [Vegas] [ Fri Jun 01, 2012 4:45 am ]
Post subject: 
It's probably just a matter of you needing to add/create (sexual) tension. You're being treated like a friend because you are treating them like a friend. Flirt more and sometimes be obvious about it.
Author:  XxBAMFxX [ Fri Jun 01, 2012 7:33 pm ]
Post subject: 
I think it is just from your nature as a man to hate failure. We tend to have a hard time accepting failure because naturally much of our self-esteem is based on our accomplishments.

However, if we view failure as an opportunity to learn, then there is nothing to fear.

And remember this:
The only men who do not fail are those that do not try
Author:  Alchemy7 [ Sat Jun 02, 2012 3:20 pm ]
Post subject: 
I think that you should go back to the fundamentals. Do you have some sort of framework, such as MM (if not, you're going in blind.)? Do you use kino escalation (if so, is your escalation fluid)? Do the things that you say keep her interested, and do they make her laugh (when you're flirting etc). I've also noticed that facebook somewhat puts you in the friend zone with a woman. However, I suggest that you use attraction tests (like the high 5 test, along with analyzing body language), because you may be overreacting. What gives you the impression that they're treating you like a girl?
Author:  Fossa50 [ Sun Jun 03, 2012 11:37 pm ]
Post subject: 
The thing is that they ask me to go out to the clubs with them even when they are going to be only girls. To be honest I still go as I could meet a few of their friends.
In addition, I am able to make a girl laugh but I find flirting to be "hard". Overthinking sucks.
I actually want to prevent this from happening again. So the next time I won't be just a friend. Thanks for all the constructive criticism.
Fossa

By the way, I do have background such as MM and read some David, who I find to be the best for me. Cocky and funny.
Author:  Entourages [ Sun Jun 03, 2012 11:41 pm ]
Post subject: 
This is your problem, YOU ARE NOT CONVEYING YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO THE GIRL(S).

If I go up to a girl and have a 20 min convo, who cares, girls like to talk, I like to talk, I am funny, she laughs. Who cares it is just a conversation. But if I go up to a girl and say you are so fucking sexy, I am going to flirt with you for the next 15 mins, and then do exactly such, and still have a normal convo as I would with the other girl she knows what my intention is/are and will categorize me as that.

Girls tell me numerous times, (that are my good friends) "we can not be alone in a room" the reason, cause they know I will hit on them and shit will go down.
Author:  Fossa50 [ Sun Jun 03, 2012 11:51 pm ]
Post subject: 
So I have to make it more obvious? OK I'll work on that for sure. So Raphael, what you are saying is that the way I act is categorizing me as a friend? Come to think of it it's true. Girls like to talk. I'm talking, not flirting. Thanks, this actually helped me identify my problem.
Fossa.
Author:  Entourages [ Sun Jun 03, 2012 11:53 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
So I have to make it more obvious? OK I'll work on that for sure. So Raphael, what you are saying is that the way I act is categorizing me as a friend? Come to think of it it's true. Girls like to talk. I'm talking, not flirting. Thanks, this actually helped me identify my problem.
Fossa.
No problem bro, you can still talk, but make sure you flirt and make it obvious, I mean people call me out on it all the time, seriously girls are like stop fucking flirting with my friend blah blah blah... I am insecure!
Author:  Versalis [ Mon Jun 04, 2012 10:01 pm ]
Post subject: 
Since you have this huge pool of friends, pick one or two of them you think you can trust and ask the following:
Hey, X(your other friend) said that one of my friends has a crush on me, but she's too shy to tell me. Do you know which one? X Wouldn't say because she confided in her.
She will most likely speculate even if she doesn't know.

Note, I've never done this, it's just an educated guess. But with that many female friends, one of them almost certainly likes you to some extent.
Author:  MadTown Mayhem [ Tue Jun 05, 2012 4:07 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Thanks. The thing is that I fear rejection. I hate to fail, it's built in my nature and is harder for me than most other guys (at least that's what I think)



As it is reported by some of the PUA gurus and "regular" self-help authors, one of the purposes of the ego is to protect yourself from getting hurt. So from the sounds of it, you may on some level think that being stuck in the friend zone is better than being rejected as a potential lover. This would explain why you have trouble flirting, because in the general sense flirting means speaking about things of a sexual nature without really intending on going through with it (although we often use it as a means to an end, but think of it in the general sense-here is how dictionary.com defines it: to court triflingly or act amorously without serious intentions).If you think there will be a negative consequence, even if you're only flirting, your ego may be the thing that is stopping you.

Everyone deals with rejection. Personally, I think it's better to work toward what you want and deal with the occasional rejection than it is to never try to excel at all. With the former, you tend to become a better man for it. With the latter, you never become a man at all.

In terms of technique and the attraction code/escalation map, whatever they call it, many things can get you stuck in the friend zone, such as skipping the rapport stage, failing to escalate/kino, not expressing sexual intentions or not creating sexual tension, etc. But you may have to work out a couple of internal things first.

If you live in a big city, go to a mall or someplace on the other side of town where you'll never see these people again (which drastically lowers the social cost of failure) and set a goal to open X number of good sets a day, and tell yourself that you are going to deliberately blow yourself out of one set each day (don't do anything to get arrested). The good sets will be for practice, the blow out set should not be perceived as a threat by your ego because you are setting the terms: YOU decide to get blown out once per day, not them. If you do it playfully and not simply act like a jerk, you might discover that you don't get blown out at all. Once you get the vibe and timing of what you say down, you can get away with almost anything.

But that it unlikely to happen the first time out. With practice, you can really push the boundaries and do it in a way that at times seems unbelievable. Last week I asked a checkout girl at a clothes store to slap me and she loved it (being asked that is, she didn't really do it). The other customers in line also got a big kick out of it. Yes, I asked a beautiful young woman to slap me while standing among a bunch of strangers, and it was probably the best moment of everyone's day (it certainly was for me). This never would have happened if I hadn't discovered pickup and starting working on it, daily.

As far as going out with "the girls," it seems like there might be something emasculating about that. If they bring along any new friends, they will likely put you in the friend zone of the new friend's mind before you ever meet her. She would be unlikely to accept a move from you because she will have to justify it to all of her friends who do not treat you as a sexual being.
Author:  Versalis [ Wed Jun 06, 2012 12:02 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
As far as going out with "the girls," it seems like there might be something emasculating about that. If they bring along any new friends, they will likely put you in the friend zone of the new friend's mind before you ever meet her. She would be unlikely to accept a move from you because she will have to justify it to all of her friends who do not treat you as a sexual being.
This is an interesting point I had not thought of.
Page 1 of 1 All times are UTC
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group
http://www.phpbb.com/