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Ex is with another guy
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Author:  foxindirtbox [ Mon Dec 31, 2007 11:09 am ]
Post subject:  Ex is with another guy
This may be a depressing read but I need to get this of my chest.. I also know that its not what this part of the forum is for, but I couldnt find somewhere better.

I was in a 6 year relationship with a seriously great looking and personality girl, we were engaged after 2 months, seriously close but in the end i messed it up by being afc - focusing more on our future instead of enjoying what we had, neglecting her needs, not going to the pub with her and having 2 different lives basicially. I would do anything to turn back the clock and be together properly.

Last night in the local she was there with another guy. I had thought that she would be enjoying freedom, but I could see them together and he was doing the right things by controlling her, talking to her hot mate and making her jealous.

Seriously killed me like i didnt think possible. I have went out and fucked a dozen girls and then some, but sometimes I feel like I cant get over her. She is so much better than any other girl in the world, great fun, caring, intelligent, ambitious and so fucking hot. She is the reason that I dont want another relationship, because Im not prepared to settle for anything else

I completely afc'd it and sent afc texts to her, major dlv i know but i couldnt stop myself. She is coming round today, I think that she thinks she needs to stop me killing myself lol. I just realised that for the first time in my life I used a lower case i. Shows where my head is at. People say about time and other women, but Iv tried both and my feelings have not regressed at all
Author:  Marco Polo [ Mon Dec 31, 2007 11:44 am ]
Post subject: 
Serious case of one itis. I feel for you about that girl. You did things wrong and she left and ended with another man. Now you are wrecked and seems like nothing can`t change that.

Well, I was never in your situation but just an image of woman I love, kisses some other guy or having sex with him would build a strong feeling of disgustion towards her. Second thing I realised from your story is that you are probably a good guy, guy who thinks about future and who wants to settle one day with a loved woman, having nice, calm, family life. Even though I will probably get flamed (cause after all, we are on PUA forum), that are all the things I also wan`t in life. I know few people, even some succesfull PUA`s who have lot`s of money, girls, go out in a fancy clubs, being on WIP lists, almost rock star life, but deep inside they are not happy. Underneath that shiny lifestyle, they are empty emotional shells.

Although you can blaim yourself for doing some AFC stuff, I guess I am right when I claim that girl was definitely a bad news for you. Ok, she`s hot, sexy, ....... but she is definitely not a person for a guy like you. She wants to go to pubs and you would rather be home? Why do you think that is wrong? Why would you turn back the clock to change YOUR behaviour? If you are "family man" then forget about her and her type and find a girl who has same goals in life as you have! Why the f**k would YOU need to change for some girl?

I live my whole life on a premise that I am who I am and you can love me for it or hate me for it but I would never change, for any one. You can be a HB10000, but if you don`t like me and wan`t to change me, f**k of!

I don`t say that I am perfect. I am aware of my imperfection and I am trying to change some things but that is ONLY because I think I should change that.

I can see that you suffer because of your loss. You tried few things (being with other girls) but they are not working for now but you must go on. One reason is you have a 99% chances to fail in try to have her back, second is that even if you succed, few months (or years) later she will ran againg to some other guy and third (most importantly) why the f**k would you want her back? She was with another man after 6 years with you. Try to imagine pictures of her sucking his d**k and I am sure you won`t have such a wish to kiss her again!

Another tricks to help you to forget her is to do things you like to do most. F.e. go to a soccer match, hit the gym, try some contact sports (sometimes feeling of psychical pain can help you forget emotional pain) like boxing, MT or something, go out with some buddies......

Very soon you will realise she is not the only woman in the world and that she was`t worthy of you anyway!

Good luck buddy!
Author:  foxindirtbox [ Mon Dec 31, 2007 1:00 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thanksfor the reply, my inner game is shot to pieces today
Author:  Rogue Hero [ Mon Dec 31, 2007 7:02 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hey bro, I think I know pretty much how you feel. I was married for six years to a slender, six foot tall, blonde haired blue eyed beauty, and moved out in April. In July, my ex moved in with her new boyfriend, and in October she got pregnant with her first kid...his. It's a kick in the balls. You CAN'T go back to her. It's not even that it would be "AFC" behaviour. It would be psychologically harmful to you. Think about what you would be doing to yourself. If you were with her again, how often would you think about her and that guy she's with? How would that make you feel? Where would that eventually lead you? See, the spiral wouldn't end...you'd turn into something you don't want to be.

Honestly, your best bet is to break off contact with her. Don't see her, don't talk to her, don't call her, don't text her, don't email her, don't do anything that she might be involved in. Give yourself time and space to breathe and heal, and play the game. Good luck.
Author:  Inertiatic [ Tue Jan 01, 2008 10:12 pm ]
Post subject: 
It was a little weird reading the original post for me, as I could swear I had thought of every word of what you wrote myself. I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years and went through a very similar transition. I know everyone calls it 'one-itis' but this is beyond that. It's more than simple infatuation with her, as you feel like you lost a major part of who you are and what you will become since she will no longer be a part of you future. It sucks, I know.

There is no real remedy for a situation like this. My ex and I have been trying the 'friends' thing, but it's not easy either. I found I only really wanted her back when I saw other guys hitting on her or when I was going through a dry spell. I've dated other girls.. meh. Not for me (as you can see from an earlier post of mine today). Jealous is a powerful, powerful thing. You mentioned she had a hot friend, why not trying to run game on her or other girls she is envious of. It is a sure-fire way to get her attention and make you seem like a 'challenge' again.

The thing is we have our ex's on a pedestal. They had X good qualities, X physical attributes, etc. So do other girls, you just haven't found them yet. Just because you haven't felt a connection with other girls you've slept with doesn't mean you won't. You gotta give it time, and then some. That means no text messages, no facebook, no instant messengers, no phone calls. If she is the one for you, she'll be back.

I feel for you man, but eventually everyone goes through this. I hope things work out for you.
Author:  rogue [ Tue Jan 01, 2008 11:34 pm ]
Post subject: 
2 years ago my gf and i were going through some problems so she said she'd stop seeing me for about a month.. In the meantime, I randomly met my major crush when I was 18 (I'm 27 now) and we had 2 great weekends in a hotel room. She was the prettiest girl i've ever been with.

Anyway this gave me the chance to not feel crap about the gf. A while later she calls and says she thought it over and she wants to be with me again. So I stopped seeing that other girl and about 1 month later my gf breaks up with me again!!!

I was devastated not only because we broke up, but because I had lost the other girl as well. I messed around with various girls (AFC style though, I wasn't aware of gaming back then) and eventually my gf came back to me for the third time.

I thought she was the one and all that kind of bullcrap.
Anyways, 1.5 year ago during the summer me and my parents had some serious financial problems and we were literally kicked out of the house because we couldn't afford it and got a smaller one. My parents were about to get a divorce, and to top it all up I was in the military (we have a 12month obligatory service period where you DON'T get paid) and so I had no money other than some lousy pocketmoney from parents etc. So I was stuck in the middle feeling absolutely helpless and unhelpful.

You'd expect a girlfriend to go through this with you.. well, not her! Just 2 weeks through this mess, she fucks my EX-BOSS's SON!!! And when I found out and was so AFC to actually sit down and ask her WHY (instead of just erasing her phone number right then and there), she said "because we were getting miserable". Suffice to say, I felt like my world had collapsed.


What I'm trying to say bro is, crap like that happen to everybody. One-itis, you have it now, I had it yesterday and a lot of people will have it tomorrow. Get your shit together and realize there are other girls equally good and even better that you just haven't had the chance to meet yet. So don't get all emo because this is something you'll eventually be thinking back and laugh about. Think about yourself in 2 years, do you honestly believe you won't be over it? Do something creative and fun like start windsurfing, kickboxing, power yoga or ANYTHING that will boost your confidence. And no, Photoshop or Java lessons on the computer will NOT boost it, you need to start something active.

Now 1 year later, we bought a new house, I've got a nice 2seater roadster and I don't even think about my gf since then. Oh, and my parents are still together! :) The only thing I don't have is an apartment of my own, but this will change when I pay the loan for my Masters degree. So, eventually things did turn out well!

The most important thing to do is wake up each morning and think about the things you are grateful for. You have a house, you have a nice car, perhaps a dog that you love, you have your friends and most importantly, you have your HEALTH!!!! You have a full life. Having THAT particular girl or ANY other girl, will NOT make you happy, it will just make you HAPPIER than you already ARE. Take a moment and think about this paragraph and you'll see that I am right. Focus on the positives of your life, and think about how you can improve it even more.

Now get out and just sarge!!! :)
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