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| Reacting to slowed interest https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=55&t=95338 |
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| Author: | PufferFish [ Tue Jul 05, 2011 7:20 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Reacting to slowed interest |
First we are both female, so there are no male /female roles here. I met this girl online around 3 weeks ago. She was emailing a lot, like 6+ times a day for a few days. She was hinting to meet me. She was open about the day place and time. I made plans to meet her, picked the time and place. So we met and everything went well. We had lunch and hung out for a few hours. She was even late to her appointment. She texted a couple hours later something like she had a good time. So these are all signs of very high interest. Maybe she is the type to come on strong when she just meets someone she likes at all. I said I liked her and she did too. We met up for dinner and a movie a week and a half later. All the while we emailed and texted every day. The date went well. She is a student and just moved to town. She has a ton of stuff to do starting school and moving. I offered to help her move stuff, just boxes. We did that 2 days in a row last week, then went out to eat and hung out. I don't know if this was a mistake, because maybe it makes me look like the person that will do stuff for her and not the one to have fun with. The signs of lowered interest are: I only initiate physical contact. In the last few days, her text have slowed from, maybe 6+ a day to 2 or 3. She still initiates the text, but I feel a phase out or a phase down. For the last 3 weeks I would have gotten a morning text from her and today it's past noon and nothing. So I see a difference in enthusiasm. I don't want to get into the thing where I try to chase her and then push her away, because that makes me feel like a loser. Should I just make myself more scarce and act more indifferent? Don't be so affectionate, don't get back to her so soon and don't help her with anything? I don't want to be the one who is more into the relationship than she is. |
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| Author: | Slip n Slide [ Tue Jul 05, 2011 11:15 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
You can't project indifference by being absent, or she may just forget you're there at all. The trick is turning your interest off and on. Offer some, and if she returns it, alternate between accepting it and rejecting it, that'll keep you interesting. If she doesn't return it, don't keep pushing, you'll come off clingy, and if she isn't in the mood then there's not much to be done about that. |
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| Author: | PufferFish [ Wed Jul 06, 2011 12:02 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Quote: You can't project indifference by being absent, or she may just forget you're there at all. The trick is turning your interest off and on. Offer some, and if she returns it, alternate between accepting it and rejecting it, that'll keep you interesting. If she doesn't return it, don't keep pushing, you'll come off clingy, and if she isn't in the mood then there's not much to be done about that.
How do I translate this into what to do or not do? I made the mistake of sending her a text last nite asking is she misses me a little. She took 5 hours to respond and said that she was on her way home and didn't say anything else. So now I don't want to say anything to her. She obliviously doesn't like that I asked if she misses me and she probably doesn't miss me or at least doesn't want to say it. But all of the contact with her up to then was pretty easy. So I haven't text her all day and she hasn't text me, although she was the last to text. It also sounded like it was a given that I see her on Fridays. She just moved to a new place and told her landlord that she'd be having her gf over on Friday nights. At first her landlord said that there are to be no overnight guest, but she said that wasn't ok and that she would want to be able to have her gf over once on the weekend. I am not officially her gf, but she was referring to me. Now I can see that since she said that to her landlord about a week ago, that she is not as interested in me. Like maybe she is tired of me. Do you think that me not contacting her for a while is a good idea? I feel like I have pushed her away a little and if I don't contact her, she will feel that something is missing. The thing is, I don't want to waste my time making a fool of my self pushing someone to pay attention to me, when they would rather not see or hear from me. It's a waste of time and if that is the case it's better for me to forget about it. |
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| Author: | PufferFish [ Wed Jul 06, 2011 1:07 am ] |
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Update if anyone is interested. I didn't contact her at all and she sent me a text pic at 6pm. It was of something I like, which is cute that she is remembering and looking for it. I get all happy when I see that she thought of me. I didn't say anything back yet though. I'll wait a bit. I think my issue is that I really am aloof about finding a gf. I don't even look, like I don't go to clubs and I don't post personal ads, but once in a while I'll accidentally meet someone. Then I still don't care all that much for a few days, then I do and start to turn into another person. I worry about what's going to happen, wonder why they haven't contacted me, worry about if they like the time we spend together, if they like the restaurant and so on. So I am trying to be nice and available and then they see that they have me and then they wonder if they really want me. I'm just guessing that is what happens because if I'm around a lot or if I'm too expressive, they act differently. I hate these games. I have to tread this fine line of showing some interests, but not too much. |
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| Author: | Slip n Slide [ Wed Jul 06, 2011 9:04 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Quote: I hate these games. I have to tread this fine line of showing some interests, but not too much.
My general rule is give back what they put in. If I get a shitty answer (texting or whatever) I either don't reply or offer a shitty answer in return. In the same way, good answers lead to good ones from me. She knows you're uncertain about her feelings for you (since you told her) so not talking to her is a pretty obvious ploy. If you are going to respond to her texts sporadically, answer frequently for a little while then take a break. This will best imply that you're doing other things and don't need to be talking to her.
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| Author: | PufferFish [ Fri Jul 08, 2011 6:05 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Quote: Quote: I hate these games. I have to tread this fine line of showing some interests, but not too much.
My general rule is give back what they put in. If I get a shitty answer (texting or whatever) I either don't reply or offer a shitty answer in return. In the same way, good answers lead to good ones from me. She knows you're uncertain about her feelings for you (since you told her) so not talking to her is a pretty obvious ploy. If you are going to respond to her texts sporadically, answer frequently for a little while then take a break. This will best imply that you're doing other things and don't need to be talking to her.I don't think that short answers are only due to low interest. There are times that I have time to write a 3 paragraph email and she is stuck in class and can email just in between class, so her email is the shortest possible to get her point across. But still in that case, it is probably better for me to write a bunch, because she can not. I don't think everything has to be matchy matchy, like as a strict rule, like sometimes I can write more than she does and she can do the same, but if I am frequently doing more, then I need to stop that and put out a similar effort as she does overall. |
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| Author: | PufferFish [ Fri Jul 08, 2011 10:32 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
So yesterday we had a big back and forth with text and email. It was mostly about plans for the weekend and joking around. I was the one that started the text yesterday. Today there was nothing. I will wait till she contacts me. She has plans tonight with school friends and we have plans the next day in the afternoon and evening. I have a lot of flexibility with my schedule. I could text or email her every hour, so sometimes I have to resist just sending off a random text because it's just to easy to text any time. |
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| Author: | PufferFish [ Sat Jul 09, 2011 12:29 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Update... In the past 3 weeks it's gone from her contacting me multiple times a day and in the last week it has really slowed down. Yesterday, I initiated the text convo and she did reply back, she always does, even if hours later. But now I feel like I'm the one pursuing her. We have plans for tomorrow. I haven't contacted her today, because I expect her to initiate half the time and she isn't. Tomorrow I'm supposed to see her at 1:00. I think I have been looking too eager and am too available. So I was thinking of showing up late to her place. Like I'll say I am running behind on errands. Then make her wait around. I don't think she is earning my attention at this point. This will punish her and it will show her that I value doing other things. What do you think? |
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| Author: | megamangaea [ Sat Jul 16, 2011 6:09 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Couple things, first off you must realize that the game is a bit different for lesbians. Are you sure she is a lesbian or bi? From what I've read so far it sounds like what straight girls do with each other. Secondly I think the problem is you did not initiate enough attraction and you are stuck in the friend zone. Top that off with oneitis as well, you can't just rely on one girl if you're having trouble getting relationships. You need to be more outgoing, initiate conversations as much as possible. If you don't go to clubs practice your game somewhere you're comfortable. Also, don't mirror her interest level. You have to be at a higher level than her, if she sends a slack text neg or tease her. |
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