I know routines are from the devil himself and natural game is the new cool street drug -
- but there is something that I love intensely about a good one liner. The combination of wit and immediate gratification that one liners give to a situation often gives me what I like to call a "braingasm." I've made up some of these, and I'm sure I've gotten some from movies/television/books/internet (can't remember my sources to give credit.) Some of these might not even get you laid immediately with the person you say them to - they're just fun (crazy concept right?) The double edge to that sword is that people tend to gravitate towards others who are just amusing themselves. My father is an English teacher, so some of the words might seem a little off - if it doesn't work for you, don't use it. As always, delivery is paramount, so some of these may not completely translate in text.If a girl says, "You're annoying/I want to punch you."
Careful, that's how it starts. The mother of my hypothetical problem child would say the exact same thing."
True dat shawti - I be down with that sexualized, aggressive, psuedo-feminist shit! (say something serious/real to you right after this - the contrast usually results in a braingasm)
Whoa, girl stop being so selfish. How do you think I feel, I have to be around myself 24/7.
For AMOG's
Stop stealing facial expressions from my gay uncle
It's cute how you act so alpha - big dawg (if you want to make friends say something that's serious/real to you after this - it's all in the contrast)
You're making me wet. ( Depending on the person, homosexual innuendo can be ridiculously funny with AMOG's)
Opening
That dress could cure cancer.
Hi - I like eggs. (I love watching for people's reactions to this - it short circuits everyone - also if the conversation prior to you entering wasn't going anywhere, it's fun to watch people talk about eggs for 5 minutes. Plus I really do like eggs.)
Hey - I'm (your name stupid). We hypothetically had an intense relationship a while back - tell me you hypothetically remember me. (If she understands what you said - give her props for knowing what hypothetically means - not everyone catches this but High risk = High Rewards. Plus it's just fun.)
Won't you be my neighbor - "Hi Neighbor." (Props to Mr. Rogers - the original pua/ alpha male.)
Generally Awesome Shit
(After you say something that's bold/ballsy) That's right - I said it, I meant it, I'm here to represent it. (Props to Hank Moody from Californication)
That was about as much fun as forced anal...Not that forced anal can't be fun.
But enough about me - you don't want to here about the wild sexcapades of a promiscuous 20-something year old man. Besides that would totally give me a hard on and this is neither the time or the place for that m'lady. (haha - every now and then I love surprising people with words like m'lady)
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Add some if you got'em