I need some help and I will try to keep this short cause reading a life story is a pain. But please help, this is driving me nuts. By reading online I have gotten some clarity on how to handle the situation but nothing that really seems fitting or likely to work. I got out of a really bad relationship about 6 month ago, but luckily I found someone new quickly. I forgot all about this old girl and really enjoyed spending time with the new girl. One night she told me that she liked me a lot and wanted to know how I felt, I told her the same and eventually the night ending with us kissing. One problem, she has a boyfriend. I was willing to deal with it and wait for bad stuff to happen (hopefully) but frankly the guy is just pissing me off now for the fun of it. He is forbidding her to meet with me unless he is around because he knows that she likes me. It also annoys me that she brings him up a lot when she knows I like her.

I apologize but explaining their background might take a while. They have been dating for a little over 2 years. They were saving themselves for each other but he ended up cheating on her first. She forgave him under the assumption “people can change”. Months later he told her he wanted to marry her and gave her an expensive promise ring. She is refusing to marry him just yet. He continually runs around with other girls (but apparently doesn’t cheat anymore according to him) this annoys her. Often he won’t respond to her when she calls or texts, and lies about where he is at. This stuff doesn’t happen all the time but she has noticed an increase with those issues and arguments in the last few months. Basically he is really jealous when she hangs around other guys (she attributes this to the fact that he is insecure that he will never find another girl like her, I have tried to play this angle on him being insecure but she said she likes it because he treats her like she is amazing). When they have sex he is into S&M which she doesn’t like but does for it for him (she said that she is sure if she didn’t have sex with him that he would leave her). She has said that she doesn’t actually enjoy sleeping with him, but she does love him and wants to marry him eventually. He also wants to have kids but she doesn’t he is convinced that he can change her mind on the issue and he told her that he isn’t sure he wants to live close to her when he is done with college (but I am sure that he will).

Online I have read to either wait it out, or encourage a break up saying she deserves someone better or trying to tell her I would be a bad boyfriend, why she would never want to date me, and ignore her a lot, or try to stick up for the boyfriend by saying things like “he is just insecure about things” in order to make him less of a suitable mate, while trying to prove that I don’t have those bad qualities. I have tried the last a little, but she really seems to stick up for him and say “well I don’t think he is like that and things got a lot better”. I have also been trying to make myself seem unavailable sometimes and bring up when I am out with other girls. But none of this seems to be working. I am at loss for what to do.

I am trying to stay detached by telling her I am too busy to talk and often mentioning times when I am out with other people and girls. She told me all these negative things I have listed here right after she admitted that she liked me. The reason I have listed them is because I am having trouble when she brings him up, I don’t know how to lessen his value. For instance when she mentioned him being jealous about us hanging out I said something like "I understand, he just really appreciates you because he knows he can’t get anyone better. He is worried because he is frustrated and panicked you will leave him. It isn’t his fault” (supposedly this makes him seem less attractive in her eyes) but she just agreed and said that it wasn’t a bad thing because it made him treat her better. I don’t know if she honestly believes that or just said it. I don’t know how to make these things lessen his value in a way that will hit home. I guess I really need help with making him sound boring and pathetic when she brings him up and talks about their future.