thnx for the advice sith
theres a few really good ideas there that il be sure to add. Il probably post a edited version soon .Thnx again
El Cooperino
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| Need advice on my first ever dhv story https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=55&t=64638 |
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| Author: | El Cooperino [ Fri Mar 26, 2010 8:23 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Need advice on my first ever dhv story |
hi guys im new to the community and would appreciate any advice i can get on my first dhv story I recently read a post on how to dhv so i thought id have a try the following is a true story and i just wanted to know if it is any good for dvh. Ok so i was sitting in waterstones ( a book shop in the uk) with my friend sean waiting for our mate alex . Alex calls me to say he was with his girlfriend charlotte but she was going home now so he'll be there in a minuet. Alex shows up ten minuets later his hand is all cut and this knuckle is swollen (oppertunity for kino) . He said he got into an argument with his girfriend and he punched the wall. Personally i dont even see why people do that i mean hand vs wall wall wins. We had plans to go out but alex said he was going to hospital and i wasnt going to let him go on his own so me and sean took him. We were waiting there for hours i got so bored i started reading all those leaflets they leave out, oral hygene and you, safe sex and you i even got guilt tripped into becoming an organ donor. So alex finally emerges to tell us the knuckle he thought was broke was only bruised. We ruined the day by spending hours in the hospital my organs are as good as gone and all over a bruised knuckle. I allways have my donor card in my wallet it has a big picture of a heart on it. Im sure there is somthing i could with that. It's my heart somthing along those lines Any and all advice will be greatly appreciated El Cooperino |
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| Author: | Kaveriis "SITH" [ Fri Mar 26, 2010 8:49 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
It's good but you may want to add a few things. Instead of you planning to meet with just your friends, maybe say that you all were going out (his girl included) to meet with some girls you met the night before (pre-selection). Say how you were pissed of (showing emotions) but he's your boy so you had to take care of him (protector of loved ones). Make it your idea to get his hand checked and everyone else agreed (leader of men). Other than that good story. |
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| Author: | El Cooperino [ Fri Mar 26, 2010 11:02 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
thnx for the advice sith theres a few really good ideas there that il be sure to add. Il probably post a edited version soon .Thnx again El Cooperino |
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| Author: | leviathan7 [ Thu May 13, 2010 3:44 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
I don't think you should roll with this one. First, I got lost at the beginning of this story. There is a lot of "a friend of my sister's cousin who's uncle's dog is related to my neighbor told me one day that. . . " does not build interest, they tune you out. Maybe - So I'm at the bookstore waiting around for my friend for 20 minutes thinking, "Where the hell is my friend?" but I stick around anyways because I'm a good friend. He shows up ten minutes later with a bloody hand. Then go into the rest . . . Second, you may want to say that he punched a wall defending his girlfriend from a homeless guy who was stalking her (or something). The story you tell shows that you hang around with people who are angry and would punch girls if they could not control themselves. You can still be caring and rescue a friend when he is hurt, showing you are caring - but I would suggest taking a different twist on it. |
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