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The Puppy Saver (DHV Story) ...
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Author:  thelenzel [ Thu Jul 30, 2009 6:57 pm ]
Post subject:  The Puppy Saver (DHV Story) ...
What do you guys think of this story ... Is it DHV? OR is it just cute? ... Its a true one also.

Me: Do you like animals?
HB: Yeaah, they're ok .. (or whatever they say)
Me: Get this, there was this time, I was driving and I was going to make a U turn and I was waiting for the cars to stop coming, it was kind of a slow Ave. and I saw this dog on the road (I would make like a map with my hands or with something, a drawing etc) and I was like.. "Noo... He's gonna get killed" .. the cars would actually stop and try to avoid the dog, and honk for it to move away, but he wouldn't move away. So I went to that part of the street and actually stopped my car. I got out of the car and actually stopped the traffic on the other side of the road, I stood in the middle of the street, I grabbed the dog and took it out of the street, he had a collar, so I took him home, I washed it, and fed him for like 3 days. I then put up a newspaper ad saying I had this dog.. and after a few days some kids called me and started asking me if he had this certain traits their dog has, and it was. So they came to my home and I see their car stopping in front of my house and 5 kids came out of the car, they we're barely 15 years old, 3 boys about 8 to 10 years old, 2 girls one of 12 and the other 14 and the mother. They were so happy that it was their dog, I then told the mother what happened to him and how I found him, and she thanked me a lot, she said it was the only physical memory the kids had from their father. The mother wanted to give me money but I didn't wanted it, so she actually invited me to dinner, and we became good friends from there.

What do you guys think? this is a true story also, which is the beauty of it.. I think ... haha
Author:  samex [ Fri Jul 31, 2009 12:51 am ]
Post subject: 
You used "Actually" way to many times. Plus the story just gave off " I'm trying to hard" attitude.

By all means im not better at DHV stories, but when they're a little more natural, you tend to use softer words, rather then words that are trying to grab attention if you know what I mean.

Example: The mother wanted to give me money but I didn't wanted it, so she actually invited me to dinner, and we became good friends from there.

It just needs a little more honesty.
Author:  thelenzel [ Fri Jul 31, 2009 6:03 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
You used "Actually" way to many times. Plus the story just gave off " I'm trying to hard" attitude.

By all means im not better at DHV stories, but when they're a little more natural, you tend to use softer words, rather then words that are trying to grab attention if you know what I mean.

Example: The mother wanted to give me money but I didn't wanted it, so she actually invited me to dinner, and we became good friends from there.

It just needs a little more honesty.
Its an honest story .. it actually happened...
I guess its just the choice of words then ..
Obviously I don't use the same words, but its just so you'd get the overall idea..
Author:  Antithesis [ Fri Jul 31, 2009 9:31 pm ]
Post subject: 
I think you oversold it when you got to the part about all the kids coming out of the house and being so happy, and the dog being a memory of the father, and the mom wanting to give you money and inviting you out to dinner... it's just too much and it makes you seem like you're trying too hard. Cut it short; make the owner just a regular happy person, or a mom with a regular happy kid. Don't make it into a nicely wrapped up episode on TV.

Also you mentioned the dog had a collar. Most dog collars have an address or a phone number. Either that or dogs get a microchip in their shoulder for identification if they get lost. If the dog is as important to the family as you make it seem in the story it would have at least one of the two if not both. It doesn't make sense for you to hold onto the dog for three days if it has that information.

Finally all the work you did in caring for the dog for three day is a hidden DLV; what type of loser guy has the free time to make posters and put ads in the newspaper etc etc for a stray dog? Guys with a busy social calendar wouldn't have time for that. Again, why not cut it short: you park your car, see the dogs collar and walk the dog back to the house. If you want to make it longer, the family isn't there so you leave a note and go home and take care of the dog for a few hours. The family picks it up and then everyone is happy.

I love dogs and in my experience so do most girls so stories about animals and rescuing animals are DHV in my book. You just need to rework it. :wink:

~Antithesis
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