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| DHV story opinion https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=55&t=43663 |
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| Author: | robbief [ Sun Apr 19, 2009 9:54 am ] |
| Post subject: | DHV story opinion |
I just was wondering weather this story is a good one for DHV and if not and opinons on where I need to change it would be welcomed. Hook line: you will never guess what happen to me last summer. Me and my mates were out sailing on the west coast, and we were just getting ready to cross lyme bay, which is massive. So we set out really early and we have already got trouble. Cause earlier we had heard the shipping forcast and it basically said it would be a slight chance of rain. So i made the decision to do the crossing. So there we are in the middle of this huge bay with no land in sight and it is apsolutly pissing it down with like 30 knot winds, really dangerous. Now my friends really respect my decisions and there just like whatever you do we will stick with you cause my friends look out for each other. So i decide for the safety of my friends to anchor the boat in shelter of one of the nearest headlands but you will never guess what happen when we were heading in. Dolphins started swimming along side the boat it was like they were helping us get to safety. I couldn't believe it it was totally unexpected . And that’s why I never go sailing without my mates. Is it full of too much information thats not needed and needs cutting down and if so where and how Most of this story is true Thank you |
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| Author: | eskwire [ Sun Apr 19, 2009 11:08 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
You: Do you guys like dolphins? HB: Yea. You: Did you know they are the smartest creatures that live in the water, and some people argue they have intelligence can rival people? HB: [whatever] You: I was actually sailing one day when my mates and I were washed out to sea by a storm. The forecast didn't say it would storm, but we got hit by a freak storm. You couldn't see the land anymore. I was trying to steer the boat back to land. My friends trust my decisions and all, but I knew we would have to anchor the boat in a nearby cove and wait out the storm. The wind was strong enough to blow over the boat if you made a mistake. So anyways, I picked a direction and started sailing, hoping we were going the right way. Then my mate spotted a dolphin off the bow. Then he spotted another, and another. We were surrounded by dolphins, and the dolphins began to lead the ship. They were swimming in the direction I guessed, but the dolphins actually lead us to the bay to anchor the ship for safety. |
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| Author: | robbief [ Sun Apr 19, 2009 11:14 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Cheers thanks thats so much better I can wait to try it out |
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| Author: | Sebastian V [ Sun Apr 19, 2009 12:45 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
you prob do this already but just a thought, a good transition into the story could come from, in the middle of a convo: YOU: whats ur fav animal and why? HER: blah blah YOU: (tease her animal) then stack to ur story just a thought. |
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