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| Check my DHV https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=55&t=36380 |
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| Author: | Stizz [ Tue Jan 06, 2009 11:43 am ] |
| Post subject: | Check my DHV |
Sup guys, this is my first DHV story and its true. I live in Utah and im a truck driver........ OMG, i had to take a load to New York. It was like 6 million dollars worth of asian herbs, like gensing. Well after 3 days of driving I finally maid it to my drop. Well it was like 2am and they werent gonna unload me until around 8. So,,, I parked on the street infront of this little asian market. Well I set my brakes and look outside f my truck and see 6 asian guys with sunglasses on... It was like 2am.. I thought WTF im gonna get robbed. So I just sat there. Well they never did anything just stood there watching me. So,,, 7:30 came around and the shop owner showed up and started to unload me. I finally asked him about the asian guys and he told me.... You wouldn't guess... He had "aranged" that no one would touch my truck... I think he paid the Triad or mofia to watch me. Next time I go back im gonna take some donuts. Well thats it what do you guys think? |
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| Author: | Dangerboy [ Tue Jan 06, 2009 12:52 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
thats not a dhv story dude. where are the spikes? the guys werent even protecting you, they were protecting the cargo... |
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| Author: | Stizz [ Tue Jan 06, 2009 1:44 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
So... What could I do or add to change that. I dont wanna lie but I can change or add small details to help. Add a moral? Toss in a few open threads? Scrap it and use something else? See I thought that I traveled, seen crazy people, and been in some damgerous/ wierd places was DHV specially in utah where most people never leave the state. |
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| Author: | Dangerboy [ Tue Jan 06, 2009 2:09 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
in all honesty, i'd probably just scrap that story. i'm biased though because i dont use scripted dhv stories. i just c&f a lot, which works for me. you can maybe try saying that they robbed you and beat you up etc and then after a bit say "just kidding, turns out these guys were protecting me and the cargo because we were in a rough neighbourhood" or something like that. it kinda adds some suspense and takes them on a bit of an emotional ride. |
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| Author: | Stizz [ Tue Jan 06, 2009 2:34 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Thanks bro, thats what im looking for. Not really scripted just trying to work on delivery. I use some CF but not much cause I tend to come off as an ass in the field but that is why I post here and go out to the clubs 2 nights a week and go to the mall atleast once a week. You rock bro. |
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| Author: | brix [ Tue Jan 13, 2009 12:20 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
srry but no |
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| Author: | manman [ Wed Jan 14, 2009 5:57 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Whatever, thats a good story, cause it came from ACTUAL life. Not a fuckin pre written canned dhv story, (which women can see right through. like a transparent sheet of paper) |
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| Author: | Dangerboy [ Wed Jan 14, 2009 6:39 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Quote: Whatever, thats a good story, cause it came from ACTUAL life. Not a fuckin pre written canned dhv story, (which women can see right through. like a transparent sheet of paper)
does the fact that he typed it out and posted it online not make it pre-written and canned?pre-written = written before spoken. check. canned = memorized story. check. i do see what you mean by it being good story because it came from his own experience, and i agree because it's congruent with him... but it's still not a good DHV story. it's just a story. |
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| Author: | theredbandit [ Fri Jan 16, 2009 8:19 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
I like the story, i thought it was really cool. It doesn't demonstrate anything though. Either make the stroy more extravagent and fun to convey that you are a good storyteller, or better yet! Say the truck was filled with drugs you didn't know about and the guy slipped you ten grand to keep your mouth shut. yeah!!!!!!! |
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