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| DHV Story to critique https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=55&t=33012 |
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| Author: | Royal56 [ Tue Nov 25, 2008 6:56 am ] |
| Post subject: | DHV Story to critique |
So I've been working on making some DHV stories, and recently I went hiking with my dog up in the mountains. So, here it is; I went hiking a while ago with my dog up in Chataqua and the weirdest thing happened. I had just started up this trail when I met up with this man and his wife. The woman had hurt her ankle and they were hobbling down to their car. I offered a shoulder, which she accepted and together her husband and I carried her to their car. As I was about to head back up, I was stopped by the husband, and to my surprise he had a wrapped gift. Apparently they had a falling out with a friend of theirs and were no longer going to give him this birthday gift. I unwrapped it and lo and behold they had given me two tickets to Maroon 5 and Counting Crows! Talk about a great hike! Thanks for all the help! |
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| Author: | mandion [ Fri Nov 28, 2008 5:50 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
I'm no expert, but I think it's good. Shows you caring about people and helping. I might add a little more detail to appeal to the emotion of the situation. Here, see what you think... Hey, guys, check this out...So, last week, I was hiking with my dog up in Chataqua and the weirdest thing happened. I had just started up this trail when I met up with this man and his wife heading back toward the parking lot. The woman had her arm around the guys neck and was limping pretty bad. She looked like she had been crying. So, I stopped them to ask if everything was okay, and they told me that she had slipped on a rock and turned her ankle pretty badly. They were obviously struggling to get back, so I offered a shoulder to help. She accepted and together her husband and I carried her to their car. So, we set her into the passenger seat, and the man shook my hand and thanked me. I told them not to worry about it, but he kept thanking me over and over. Then, the wife reaches in the back seat and grabs a wrapped gift which she hands to me. I told them they didn't need to give me anything, I was just helping out. But, apparently they had a falling out with a friend of theirs and were no longer going to give him this birthday gift, and just wanted to say thanks. So, I unwrapped it and lo and behold they had given me two tickets to Maroon 5 and Counting Crows! Talk about a great hike! |
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