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Getting Her Back
https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=55&t=15933		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  summer_guy_uk [ Thu Jan 31, 2008 2:07 pm ]
Post subject:  Getting Her Back
Hey guys, I know how many of you feel about one-itus but I thought I'd tap into the resevoir of knowledge here :)

I've been seperated from the ex for 2 months now, we've seen eachother once or twice a week since it and she says she still loves me and talks about us getting place together and being back together but she says she just needs time.

Last weekend we got drunk and ended up at mine kissing, then when i walked her home she said she needed me to wait for her to get better (she previously suffered from anxiety and is still underweight) but tbh I'm getting tired of waiting and it just feels like she's going to lump me in the friend zone.

The day after she called me to apologise for the kisses, saying she didn't mean to and didn't want to put across the wrong idea.

I was thinking going NC for a few weeks, let her miss me then try again building attraction.

If you were in my position and you thought the girl was worth the trouble, what would you guys do?
Author:  JSmooth [ Thu Jan 31, 2008 4:08 pm ]
Post subject: 
Seems like your only option is to wait at this moment. When you tried kissing her and stuff she got some remorse about it. Go to NC like you were saying and see what happens when you come back.
Author:  summer_guy_uk [ Thu Jan 31, 2008 4:59 pm ]
Post subject: 
My female peers seem to think i should just open up to her but I have a feeling that will push her away from me even more.

I think I'll just start dating a few girls and hopefully bump into her from time to time and DHV through jealousy.

Only problem with NC is when I start my new job I'll be on the same bus as her 3 times a week.
Author:  Bright [ Thu Jan 31, 2008 6:45 pm ]
Post subject: 
Oneitis victims have lost one thing: their ability to walk away.

Being afraid to walk away shows a lack of confidence and value. She's got you on the string, and your playing cat.

Maybe she'll come back.

Maybe she'll figure things out and be ready for a relationship.

Maybe monkeys will fly out of my butt and I'll start a reign of terror over the land of Oz.

Stop hesitating and walk away. Be natural about it. She made her decision, and you’re confident enough in yourself to be completely unfazed by it. (He's not completely crushed and giving me puppy-dog-eyes?). When you see her on the bus, be happy, be fun. Be friendly. She’s obviously got mixed emotions about the breakup, but if it slides off you like water off a ducks back then your not getting involved in her drama. Your not letting her dictate your reality.

What she's done is attempt to hold you in emotional limbo. She's doing it because she thinks she can. She's getting away with it because you’re letting her. Once you stop that, you'll be surprised how quickly she gets her shit together.

If your true goal is to get the girl back then you need to do a couple of things:

1) Leave the situation as an alpha.

She's calling you with hook-up remorse, when it should have been your move. It's going to be harder to salvage this now. If you can, the next time the two of you hang out, push-pull her into making the moves. As soon as begin to get emotionally intimate, grind the gears to a halt and leave her unsatisfied. You are not a boyfriend substitute, don’t let her treat you like one.

Be the string. Better to leave her wishing you had stayed then calling you to say she's sorry she did.

2) Six Degrees of Seperation.

Go out with mutual friends and make sure to at least number close in front of them. Girls gossip. Nothing travels faster then gossip. Nothing makes a girl regret her own stupidity more than the sight of a guy she likes/loves walking toward someone infinitely more attractive and less crazy.

The idea here is to push the girl into figuring out what the heck she wants. She's not going to do that with the way things are. You're giving her the emotional support and comfort of a boyfriend without demanding the position (and it's benefits.)
Author:  Mr. Fantastic [ Thu Jan 31, 2008 11:49 pm ]
Post subject: 
Bright made some exellent points, but it seemed a long way of saying this: One-Itis has one cure. GFTOW (Go Fuck Ten Other Women) simple and plain. :lol:
Author:  Bright [ Fri Feb 01, 2008 12:44 am ]
Post subject: 
I'm a chick. You expected my opinion to be short and sweet? ;)
Author:  stevenadrien [ Fri Feb 01, 2008 6:34 am ]
Post subject: 
Ooo

Learned quite a few things from this topic too.
Nice work Bright =D, glad to have female insight on the forum.
Author:  PM88ENG [ Fri Feb 01, 2008 6:19 pm ]
Post subject: 
"she previously suffered from anxiety and is still underweight"

Do you mean anorexic?
Author:  summer_guy_uk [ Fri Feb 01, 2008 6:50 pm ]
Post subject: 
Yeah kinda but she knows she underweight.
Author:  Ink [ Sat Feb 02, 2008 6:12 pm ]
Post subject: 
Dude No 1 whilst I respect the Lady´s opinion - DO NOT FOLLOW HER ADVICE!!!!!!

The likely hood is that if you follow this advice, YES you will get back together for a time! Its not what you want though. Im sure you feel right now that anytime you have together is better than the pain of being apart but I promise you in the long run its better to cut ties now and deal with the pain than to drag it out.

I dont think fucking 10 other girls will ease your pain (Ask style) but it might be fun ;-)

The only real healer is TIME.

The problem with taking your attention off this chick and letting her find out your social value is high by pulling girls infront of her friends etc is that girls have a hardwired need to promote emotional dependency in guys. As long as its not an unhealthy psycho obssesion, whenever a guy whome a girl has had a special connection with loses interest she automatically regains her own interest and makes moves to re-ignite your feelings for her. Its an ego thing but she cant always help it! Once your hooked again she will lose all feeling towards you once again!

I have been there, I have talked to a lot of girls about this! Some do it consciously some sub-con but the fact is the same. Once you remove the love and she sees you have higher value she will want you back but that does not mean she wants YOU!

She had her chance, grieve, deal with it........go practice having fun with all your PUA skills and just think NEXT
Author:  summer_guy_uk [ Sat Feb 02, 2008 9:39 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Once you remove the love and she sees you have higher value she will want you back but that does not mean she wants YOU!

She had her chance, grieve, deal with it........go practice having fun with all your PUA skills and just think NEXT
I hope you're wrong man :(
Author:  SexDrive [ Sun Feb 03, 2008 2:19 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Once you remove the love and she sees you have higher value she will want you back but that does not mean she wants YOU!

She had her chance, grieve, deal with it........go practice having fun with all your PUA skills and just think NEXT
Yea if she wants you back when you cut her off its most likely becuase you just put her on the back. She can no longer ttoy with your emotions and now she is second guessin her decision.

http://www.freewebs.com/xfman/blog.htm? ... id=2580209

This worked very well for me. It took awhile for me to be ready but take a look at it. What you are goin through sux, recognize that, and find someone better.
Author:  Paramour [ Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:06 am ]
Post subject: 
here are my thoughts:

She is running, little by little. She apologized for a kiss? The red flag in this is where she apologized for a kiss. A simple kiss. Now, she ran because somewhere she was scared, of what, im not sure...but it's apparent. I honestly would suggest what Ink suggested, which is cutting ties. Because she will want something that was once there, but is gone and she craves just that. But how can you crave something that isn't there anymore? Thats just it, you just miss THAT part with THAT person.

IF it were worth it, YOU would want to crave ALL parts of that person, not just one part, now the trick is for it to be reciprocated for it to really mean something. Does this make sense to you?

So perhaps, you should leave this one alone and take just a "little" time and then get back out there and sarge!
Author:  jameson [ Sun Feb 10, 2008 3:55 pm ]
Post subject: 
I've been in a very similar situation as this a few years ago and when these guys tell you you got to cut ties and move on they aren't joking. my ex broke up with me after her family pressured her to be with a family friend again. so the first thing she did after seeing me was cheat on him with me and broke it off again with him. All the while when i was building things back up with her though she kept telling me that she just needed to be alone. I backed off the bs with her and went for a couple of other girls only to find weeks later my ex had a new boyfriend. I always cared for her but things were never the same in any way. I could have saved myself months of crap if i just cut it off from the start.
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