PUA Forum
https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/

Buyer's Remorse or No Spark? Last attempt to save it?
https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=53&t=81020		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  tom_kauf [ Mon Dec 13, 2010 2:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Buyer's Remorse or No Spark? Last attempt to save it?
Hi guys,
I made out with a cute french girl (exchange Uni student) on the beach after a 1st day-date, but she didn't want a 2nd date.

Q1: My 1st theory was 'No Spark' (there really wasn't much there, in both directions. My last short-term gf was honest and said the same), but then I read more about Buyer's/Next day Remorse. Suggestions?
Q2: If there's one last thing to try, what should I do? More along the lines of meeting her again (to build a spark) OR it's rare for me to make a connection this quickly (making her feel special so less buyer's remorse)

Me: :) xoxo
no reply (it was 8am, so maybe still sleeping)
Me: Hi cutie, I'd love to catch up today. Let's meet at my place and go out to do something (I'll keep it a surprise :p). You cal also bring your swimming gear. Early afternoon OK?
Her: Hey, I'm sorry but I don't think this isn't going to work, I'm going back soon and I'm really busy.
Me: Hey. aw, ok. If you do want to catch up again some time, you've got my number. You're a special girl and I've enjoyed spending time with you.

She is leaving in 6 weeks, so no point showing I was annoyed. Also thought, making her feel more than just a fling would help.

Background:
- Met girl at Tennis Thurs (she seemed very interested).
- She took my hints & gave me her number, and to meet on Sat morning to play. That took no effort.
- Sat, courts were full. So we went for coffee (again, her suggestion).
- We talked non-stop for about 1h (fun, but not much laughing or teasing).
- I threw in a few negs (like 'eyes look a lot like mine, but mine are nicer'). I told a DHV story and mainly did kino escalation.
- We went to a deserted little beach & after escalating, we kissed for an hour before she had to go.
- I didn't do much pulling away (only did it once and waited for her to reciprocate touch).
- She said she might catch up with me that afternoon. I resisted contacting her until the next day.
- I txt her the next morning. A bit soon, but she's leaving in 6 weeks, so I didn't want to wait for the next weekend.

Only weird thing was her kissing technique (totally different to mine, so it wasn't that good), rest was nice.
Author:  MyNameIsCanada [ Sun Jan 02, 2011 9:24 am ]
Post subject: 
I'm gonna take a stab in the dark here and say that you spent more than enough time on comfort for buyer's remorse not to be a problem. Or to be exactly, that it's not the insufficient-comfort buyer's-remorse scenario.

My guess - you did what I always do, didn't escalate fast enough, and probably didn't generate enough attraction.

If she wasn't feeling enough attraction, then the xoxo and cutie in the text msgs would make her think you were more attracted than her than she was to you, decreasing her attraction, and leading to her flaking. Plus the fact that you sent two txt msgs.

I mean, it's always hard to tell without being there. But I'd be willing to bet that if you had got her past just making out (might have needed a different venue, or just go caveman and get her skinny dipping), and only sent one txt msg with no sexual content in it (I think Adam Lyons had a thing about never being sexual in txt msgs, it's not like u can txt fuck her if u get her horny), then you might have been more successful.

Also, your last reply was very DLV. Off the top of my head, "That's okay, my girlfriend will be relieved :D" would have at least left you feeling good about it lol.

If you always DHV and never DLV, even if it doesn't immediately get you laid, it will at least get internalized and give you good inner game.

Other than all those points though, you almost got laid with a hot French chick, so it sounds like you're killing it up there. I lived in Townsville for two months and I would have been lucky to pull a root in a whorehouse!
Author:  tom_kauf [ Sun Jan 02, 2011 10:21 am ]
Post subject: 
Thanks MyNameIsCanada for your great input. Your txt reply would've been great, I like it. I did tease her a few weeks later, when she apologised for taking almost a week to reply to an email (about tennis, so nothing about getting back with her), but I don't think she took it well, hehe (and it was too late).

I posted the story on another Forum, and one person replied. They thought it was buyer's remorse, but I really had my doubts.
On the forum, I replied with "we did have about 45min of comfort time, before and in between the kissing (cuddling, massaging shoulders, arms around eachother while looking out over the ocean etc). She also thanked me when I told her I was glad that I could share my 1st visit to that beautiful beach with her. She definitely didn't have to work for it (or validate), but it wasn't only physical."

Your answer/description feels like the right one. I'm always torn between escallating too fast, and not fast enough. Even though we were kissing, I felt like she wasn't really into it by the end (but was very keen to start at first). Playing around in the water would've been great, but the stingers (jellyfish) are everywhere at the moment. But it did happen to be a nudist beach (she knew as well), so I should've escallated more. So after thinking for a weeks that I might've moved to fast (or not qualified enough), it was probably the opposite. To quote a How I Met Your Mother line "sleeping with a french girl is like playing tennis with the net down, it doesn't count"......hehe. Both tennis and french girl apply here.

Damn, another person that's left Townsville. I've only found one person here so far who I might be able to work with. Oh well, it might force me to work on my own more (day game suits me anyway).
Author:  MyNameIsCanada [ Sun Jan 02, 2011 10:40 am ]
Post subject: 
Yeah, I gotta get into tennis, good sport that chicks are likely to want to take part in. I used to rock climb a lot and it was really good too. Interesting fact - if you take a girl on a date where the girl feels in danger at some point, I dunno, say, rappelling off Castle Hill or something, go for the kiss close right after their adrenaline has been pumping, it's more likely to be successful.

At the risk of sounding harsh, I'm definitely gonna guess that because she's a French girl, and thinks all real men are assholes, she probably thought you were a pussy. Like, some girls are gonna eat up "I'm glad I could spend this with you", whereas she probably just thought you were trying too hard for sex and was waiting for you to make a move and rip her clothes off. The dangers of getting stuck into the comfort stage for too long. Awesome quote though lol
Author:  tom_kauf [ Sun Jan 02, 2011 11:10 am ]
Post subject: 
hmm, I'll keep that in mind, that adrenalin thing is a good idea. Tennis is good, Yoga would be better lol.

Always be brutally honest, it's the best way others can learn. And it's only a forum, if people don't like it, they can ignore it.

She actually seemed like a sweet girl (rides horses etc.), so I think that line went well in her case. But yes, I have to remember to escallate until I get to resistance. A quote from a girl comes to mind: "I won't sleep with a guy on a 1st date, but I want him to try".
Author:  MyNameIsCanada [ Sun Jan 02, 2011 11:13 am ]
Post subject: 
Oh and I've been thinking about this one a bit, because I've also been in plenty of situations where I'm doing something, sexually, and it's not working, and then I never see her again.

Obviously the best strategy is don't fuck up in the first place, but if you do, and we've all been there, an Alpha guy isn't just gonna sit there and take it. If there's an elephant in the room, an Alpha guy isn't gonna try and squirm around it, he's gonna stop, look at the girl, and ask what the fuck is this elephant doing here and hows about we find another room.

So, although this isn't field tested, I think you should have stopped making out and either taken the, what are you doing, kiss like this, or that's different, we're not working together here, how are we gonna fix it approach. It shows balls, and it gets the problem sorted.

My $0.02
Author:  tom_kauf [ Sun Jan 02, 2011 11:24 am ]
Post subject: 
damn, you're full of good advice today. I certainly would've been more alpha to do that. I had thought about it (telling her about the kissing not working for me), but didn't do it. Towards the end, I did move into a 69 position (still kissing her mouth, just in opposite directions), to both be able to grab the bottom-lip. That's usually great, but she wasn't into that (it could've been towards the end, so maybe she was already gone)

You're right, she probably thought it was me who was the bad kisser (which I know isn't true, but depends on the girt I guess). I got advice from a female friend, and she jokingly blamed the kissing as the reason, without me having even mentioned it (so definitely some thruth there, as to how that can affect everything).

p.s. judging by your occupation in your profile, I guess you did marine biology here? The french girl did too (masters). I seem to know a lot of marine biology people here. I guess it's a great place for it.
Author:  MyNameIsCanada [ Sun Jan 02, 2011 11:33 am ]
Post subject: 
haha yeah, I try. I've been reading a few books in the last few days, so my head's just swimming lol

Speaking of swimming, I'm not actually a dolphin trainer, although that would be cool. I try not to publicly associating myself with my job on the internet. But did you know that the dolphin's most common mating strategy is three-man pack rape? True story. They're evil little fuckers.
Author:  tom_kauf [ Sun Jan 02, 2011 11:25 pm ]
Post subject: 
fair enough. I did think that was a fairly specialised job (and not that common in Townsville). Most people here do Reef research or things with Whales like the french girl.
No, I didn't know that. Hehe, interesting.
Page 1 of 1 All times are UTC
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group
http://www.phpbb.com/