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Gaming my therapist...?
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Author:  ego1 [ Sun Oct 25, 2009 3:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Gaming my therapist...?
Long story short. I got out of a really bad breakup a while back and started seeing a therapist, who turned out to be an extremely attractive women who is about 10-12 years older than me (she's mid 30's) and has a husband. I could tell she had some kind of awkward attraction to me for a while but I never knew if it was enough to go anywhere, but then we started communicating outside of our appointments and she had a fair bit of sexual innuendo going on. She has told me she can't get me out of her head, but the last time I talked to her (yesterday) she kind of freaked out because its illegal and all, and then blocked me from her chat, saying she'd just do it until we get things straightened out at our next appointment, to "keep things chill." She keeps freaking out that she is going to lose her job (she hasn't mentioned her husband at all, strangely enough) and maybe even moreso that she's doing something unethical, is making me feel awkward etc. (She told me that she doesn't feel uncomfortable at all, because she's "a pro", and that it's just me she's worried about.)

So I'm classing this as a weird sort of LMR, since she has made it clear that there is some kind of romantic situation building up, but we haven't even made out or anything. So I want to approach it similarly to how I'd approach LMR.

Does anyone have any suggestions? I'm thinking I need to NOT just talk about it with her, since that gives her too much opportunity to doubt herself and decide not to do anything. My plan is basically to get us to switch roles, with me as the therapist, since she mentioned this possibility at our last appointment, actually. I plan on sitting close to her and if possible making some kind of physical contact (non-sexual, at least at first). Then discussing how I don't want her to do anything she doesn't want to do, but I also don't want her NOT to do anything she DOES want to do. Also discuss how in general I regret things that I DON'T do much more than I ever regret things that I DO do. (Any thoughts int his area would be appreciated.)

The thing is, she's being totally irrational, since she had ALREADY completely overstepped all professional boundaries and could get her license revoked for everything she's already done. I want her to see this but I don't think just TELLING her this clearly is the best way to go, I have to lead her to this understanding indirectly. Any suggestions?

Also, the thing that set her off all freaked out was that I said that she was driving me crazy. She took this as a very bad thing, whereas I meant it in the sense that I was thinking about her a lot. I told her it wasn't a bad thing, but that online chat wasn't the best medium to discuss this so I'd explain what I meant at our next appointment. Any ideas on how to spin this in such a way that it doesn't make her feel guilty that she's mentally screwing me up? (Whether or not she actually IS mentally screwing me up is another discussion altogether...)

Anyway this is obviously a very interesting one for me, I'd imagine that every man who has had an attractive psychologist has fantasized about her, I never thought it'd get this far and I don't want it to slip out of my hands now...


(And sorry if I put this on the wrong forum, I'm new here, but I think this could fall under some weird sort of last minute resistance.)
Author:  ego1 [ Sun Oct 25, 2009 3:41 pm ]
Post subject: 
Also, I can post the chat we had online too, I'd be interested in feedback, but I have to remove any personal information first.

This situation's just so weird, and I feel pretty lost because I have ZERO experience in this situation and it seems no one else has any experience in it either...
Author:  rizkay [ Sun Oct 25, 2009 6:17 pm ]
Post subject: 
you know she has the potential to lose her license yo...

I know what I would love to try in your case...freeze her out...professionally. haha. as in cancel your appointments, get a different therapist, and then start gaming her without the conflict of interest shit
Author:  ego1 [ Sun Oct 25, 2009 8:07 pm ]
Post subject: 
Yeah exactly. As I said her two principal objections are that she is doing unethical and hurting me, and that she could lose her license and face possible legal repercussions. (I'm pretty clearly not the type of person that would ever involve legal action or anything so I think I can probably convince her that the second objection isn't that big of an issue. Also she said to me that she wasn't worried about herself but about me.)

As for freezing her out professionally, I think you are correct. We have an appointment tomorrow where we've agreed we would discuss the whole situation (so far all of the EXPLICIT conversation has been on chat, not face to face). I'm going to bring this up. Clearly she can't function as an actual therapist anymore given the circumstances...
Author:  Chim [ Sun Oct 25, 2009 8:44 pm ]
Post subject: 
Stop seeing her professionally and get another therapist and then if you wish cautiously continue from there but remember her entire life (work and home) is on the line...
Author:  Adonis Spyridon [ Sun Oct 25, 2009 9:22 pm ]
Post subject: 
Definitely, get a different therapist, and just see her socially instead. However, before you do, just in case she's getting off on the potential danger, I would try to escalate things at your next meeting, like what you said you thought about, also some kino that's dynamic in nature, i.e. lightly brush your fingertips up or down her arm or thigh as you sit down near her or something. Brush the hair out of her face, lightly touching her cheek, shit like that. It's good because it's there and then gone, it's tantalizing.
Quote:
Also, the thing that set her off all freaked out was that I said that she was driving me crazy. She took this as a very bad thing, whereas I meant it in the sense that I was thinking about her a lot. I told her it wasn't a bad thing, but that online chat wasn't the best medium to discuss this so I'd explain what I meant at our next appointment. Any ideas on how to spin this in such a way that it doesn't make her feel guilty that she's mentally screwing me up?
Have you ever heard of Mystery's Hijacked Brain Gambit? At least I think that's what it was called. The reason I bring it up is because I have noticed that girls tend to fly off the handle when the word "crazy" is mentioned, no matter what the context. This gambit though is able to say the same thing without the "C-word."

Basically what it is is you just tell the girl, "you've hijacked my brain. I go along my day and I just can't get you out of my head. I keep thinking about you, I keep seeing your smile when I close my eyes; you've hijacked my brain, I want it back, I'm not used to this...etc." A note here, make it sweet and endearing, not creepy and needy. I remember Mystery saying it helps with LMR also.

Anyway, I hope this helps somewhat.

- TD out
Author:  ego1 [ Sun Oct 25, 2009 9:40 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thanks Toni, that's exactly what I was looking for! I actually was trying to use the Hijacked mind type routine (and it's true, actually, it's not just a routine) but I used the word "crazy." Actually I initially was speaking to her in Spanish but her Spanish is not that great so I told her in English. It should be pretty easy to reframe as a miscommunication, and explain that I really meant that she had "hijacked" my brain, especially since I initially used the word "loquito" (not "loco").
Author:  Adonis Spyridon [ Sun Oct 25, 2009 10:23 pm ]
Post subject: 
Great, glad I could help. Keep me posted about how it goes.

- TD out
Author:  vizzy [ Sun Oct 25, 2009 11:09 pm ]
Post subject: 
She could lose her job, probably assuming her husband doesn't know and catches her, then she could fuck up her marriage aswell...do you know anything about this women? does she have children? how long has she been married? is she happy?
If I was you I would stay away.
But then again, I don't know your position. What are you looking for with this women...a few casual nights? a relationship? long term sex? friendship?

But the freezing her out professionally might not work so well in my opinion. It works good in the bedroom to get over LMR. But in this scenario by doing that you could just make yourself seem insecure and scared to confront your feelings. In this scenario your not so much "freezing her out" as you are running away from her.
Author:  ego1 [ Mon Oct 26, 2009 4:19 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
She could lose her job, probably assuming her husband doesn't know and catches her, then she could fuck up her marriage aswell...do you know anything about this women? does she have children? how long has she been married? is she happy?
I know a bit about her husband actually. Apparently a very wealthy businessman type dude. I don't know how long she's been married and I don't think she has any kids. I doubt she's happy based on her actions and several things she has mentioned, but I haven't discussed it with her directly.
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If I was you I would stay away.
You're probably a smarter man than me! I'm a sucker for this type of situation.
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But then again, I don't know your position. What are you looking for with this women...a few casual nights? a relationship? long term sex? friendship?
Not really sure at this point. I'm really interested in her and would like to get to know her better. Definitely long term sex but maybe more than that too, but I don't know her all that well so who can say?
Quote:
But the freezing her out professionally might not work so well in my opinion. It works good in the bedroom to get over LMR. But in this scenario by doing that you could just make yourself seem insecure and scared to confront your feelings. In this scenario your not so much "freezing her out" as you are running away from her.
I more or less agree but at some point we're obviously going to have to part ways and I suspect it will be sooner rather than later. But I'll know more tomorrow...
Author:  vizzy [ Mon Oct 26, 2009 7:08 am ]
Post subject: 
Good luck with it!
Author:  loyalknicksfan [ Mon Oct 26, 2009 11:52 am ]
Post subject:  ..
Becareful though.. she's a therapist.. remember, she knows how your mind works better than you do. she's knows your weaknesses and insecurities, and so she doesn't want to hurt you or herself..
she might want to hook up with you. She probably thinks you might start having feelings for her after you hook up. if u tell her your involved with some other girl and that you have feelings for her, it might increase yoru chances of hooking up with her cuz she'll know that your not relying on her for emotional comfort... you can definately pull it off.. if you want more than a hook up then your just setting urself up for a heartbreaking failure. She has a husband and kids.. she's just afraid you'll get attached and fuck things up...

and don't ever say, she's something special or she's the one or any of that BS.. there is no such thing..every girl is replaceable
Author:  ego1 [ Mon Oct 26, 2009 2:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: ..
Quote:
she might want to hook up with you. She probably thinks you might start having feelings for her after you hook up. if u tell her your involved with some other girl and that you have feelings for her, it might increase yoru chances of hooking up with her cuz she'll know that your not relying on her for emotional comfort...
Yeah, I actually am seeing other girls right now, which she is aware of. Which is a good thing.
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and don't ever say, she's something special or she's the one or any of that BS.. there is no such thing..every girl is replaceable
I more or less agree, BUT I have to admit I'm more invested in this situation than any other I've been in for a long time. How often do you have a chance to sleep with your hot therapist? It's once in a lifetime and I don't want to fuck it up...
Author:  Chief [ Mon Oct 26, 2009 2:35 pm ]
Post subject: 
When I first read the title of this thread, I facepalmed. I was like ughhh come on wtf

Then I read the stuff in this thread. I am now highly intrigued and cannot wait to see how this develops. :D

God I love taboo
Author:  loyalknicksfan [ Mon Oct 26, 2009 3:27 pm ]
Post subject:  ..
your right.. you shouldn't mess it up.. u seem to be diong a great job so far.. good luck..
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