Hey, I dated this girl twice (both of us in our 30s) and she seemed completely in-love – she kept saying how interesting and amazing I was.. kissing me a lot, puppy dog eyes look and she talked about numerous things we should do together in the future.

To my surprise she cut me loose today (2 days after our 2nd date). I was quite devastated by this, because I really liked her, and very surprised by this turn of events.

I did have some strong, game especially before and on the first date. But I also fucked many things up:
She kept saying doesn’t believe in having personas and kept giving me compliments ect and I got duped into reciprocating which I think was a mistake. The problem is I am very naive, and it really disarmed me that she talked this way. On the other hand I am not sure how I should have reacted to that.
I an addition afterwards in texting I put too many smilies ect, and even wrote her a poem .. I know, I suck. Like I knew it’s wrong to send it but couldn’t help myself.

When texting I told her I liked kinky movies.. this was followed by silence. That was yesterday in the evening. But when I texted her thing morning she replied cheerfully. Anyway, I think this was stupid, because she seemed a little sexually apprehensive as it was, and a bit shy, so bringing up a kinky subject wasn’t very practical in this case.

I think another fuckup is, I suggested too many times for her to come over.. I suggested it both at the end of the 2nd date (she said it was late), yesterday (she needed to study) and today (working until late)…

Anyway, after normally chit chating throughout the day this is what she wrote me this evening:

Here I think I also fucked up.. I panicked and ejected before understanding if she is really shutting down or just trying to figure things out.

Anyway I wanted to know how bad were my fuck ups.. Which ones do you think messed this up?

Also, How do I keep my persona up.. it is so, so difficult for me?

Especially with a girl that seem to do so herself? Problem is she still has her boobs to attract me after she does that, but I am left with nothing.

And most importantly… can this be salvaged? How should I have responded to that long text? Is there anything I can do now?

If you read all this you are the man. Any help will be appreciated.

#HatingLife

You might been obviously disappointed but you saw it coming unconsciously!

So its you being insecure again? If you would like it you just tell her and she will be following like its all cool along the way. Why you displaying kinky movies when you havent fucked her in the first place?

You havent fucked her and so much chitty chatty? I dont like to text but I like to meet up. A few comfort messages are ok in my opinion but otherwise I cut them!

A girl I dated once complained about missing feelings after we dated for 3 months and fucked 20 times +. Was fun. View it as some shittest. She: bla bla bla we shouldnt do this. Why do you listen to her? Arrange a date. If she comes great, otherwise: next!

Here I think I also fucked up.. I panicked and ejected before understanding if she is really shutting down or just trying to figure things out.

I wanted to know - insecurities!

Practice!

I am always tempted to become lazy again and be chody again.

Were not here to grant you permission for that.

Sure: I would have texted: Sure, I can completely understand you. I also feel sometimes a bit confused about people. Tonight there is some fancy bbq/party at a friends place. We will do some *insertcoolstuffyourdoing*. It will be fun, so join me at 10pm at *mettingplace*

Dont hate life. Your only hating yourself because you didnt do what you wanted to. Dont blame someone else for your mistakes

I would respectfully disagree with the other poster who answered you here...

The problems - as I see them - and the reason she kicked you to the curb are as follows:

- The poem
- The neediness
- The kinky movies line on a second date (where she obviously wasn't feeling that same level of 'sharing') - you overshared
- You may have pushed a bit too hard to get her back to your place.
- The poem
- The poem

Both the movies and the pushing to go back to your place were areas where you could have probably read her interest level and reaction to you better. It's fine to say those things, in general - as long as the other person is ready for them.

What probably didn't contribute:

- The smilies - dial them back a bit, but I doubt you got dumped because of them

I won't repeat what has already been covered; the poem, smilies, neediness etc.

But... This is the crux of the issue in my opinion, I've had the same issue plenty of times. You meet a girl who's super into you, she's texting you all the time, can't get enough of you, is even inviting you out and all you can think is "OMG this is fucking awesome, she's so into me, I don't need to work anymore, I can just switch off." Then poof, she's gone like Keyser Soze... WTF HAPPENED??!! You switched off. What's worse is not only did you switch off, but most likely changed your behaviour because you didn't want to "Mess this up", hence sending the poem for example; my guess is that to get her on the first and second dates, there was no poem. I've been guilty of this myself, changing behaviour in order to not mess up, but what happens is you change from the person she liked in the first place into someone completely different.

Of course you have to calibrate to different situations, but not at the expense of who you are.

I''m not sure wether I like the replies or not, I'm in the same situation as you except that she hasnt cut me loose yet but I'm expecting her to do so in 1 day.

there was a part of me that I find difficult to understand that sabotaged this on purpose

Just to give you guys a quick update.. the way things turned out was actually completely for the best. I ended up fucking a cool girl a few days later.. the day after got a BJ from someone else and a few hours after that got with another girl which I am still with and she is beyond amazing. So I guess my subconscious sensed that something better was just around the corner...

So thanks again everyone.. reading all your comments really helped set mind my mind straight.

That's cool but don't let this girl get you so caught up on her that you start acting needy. If you are still technically single you need to keep going out and meeting other girls.