Hey guys, when you work with men in the dating scene day in and day out, you invariably begin to see patterns.
For example, most guys suffer a lot with getting flakey phone numbers that never turn into dates. Or Dates, that never progress past date no. 1. There are a lot of solutions to flaking, but scientific research gives us one particular way to make HUGE impact.
There is a famous experiment involving a group of students and buckets of cold water. The students are told that there will be 3 parts to the experiment.
PART 1: The students put their hands in water cold enough to be rated a 7/10 on the pain scale for 5 minutes. Then they take their hands out, and warm them up with a towel.
PART 2: Once their hands are nice and toasty again, students are asked to once again put their hands in water cold enough to be rated 7/10 on a pain scale for 5 minutes, but this time after the 5 minutes, they have to put their hands in another bucket with slightly warmer water rated at 6/10 for pain for a further 5 minutes finally they can warm their sore hands up again.
PART 3: Students are told they have to repeat one of the previous 2 experiments again. The overwhelming majority of the students defy logic by choosing to repeat PART 2 again. Since it involves as much pain as part 1 and then some extra pain on top.
WHY?
This is just one example of this type of experiment (the original version involved proctology exams but EWE I'd rather talk about water). What researchers consistently find with experiments like this is that when we think back to our experience of an event, we don't average out the total of all our experiences over time, we place a huge bias on the last emotion we experienced. In the case of the water experiment, the last emotion for part 1 was 7/10 pain, the last emotion for part 2 was 6/10 pain.
SO HOW DOES THIS RELATE TO FLAKING??
Most guys go have an interaction with a girl. It starts to go well, and the guy gets excited. Then the interaction reaches it's natural peak and begins to slope downwards. The guy, determined to push it as far as he can, keeps slogging away as the interaction becomes less and less fun for him and less and less enjoyable for her. Finally, he leaves, asking for her number. The guy walks away thinking 'well it got boring at the end, but we built lots of rapport and laughed a lot in the middle there, so she'll definitely want to see me again'.
Then he gets a flake and wonders why. When research clearly answers that question. She receives a call or text from you, and she asks herself 'what do I feel about this guy' and her brain answers with the most recent emotion she felt about you and that was 'boring', so her eagerness to see you again is quite low.
The same of course applies to first dates. Guys go on a date, end it WAY after it has peaked (usually hoping to score sex on the first date), then wonder why a woman won't go on a second date, even though it was great fun in the beginning.
So the solution which I always teach guys is this: End your interactions/dates just after they have peaked.
For example. When I'm on a date with a girl, and take her on a walk along the beach. I don't make out with her at the far end of the beach where it's quiet and secluded because that would require a long walk back where we can lose momentum. I instead wait until the end of the walk before I make out with her, then just when he make out is getting hot and heavy, I'll end the date, and tell her I definitely want to see her again. Then when I suggest a movie night at my place, she asks herself 'what do I think of Damien?' she things 'hot, horny, passionate', and I rarely ever get flakes.
As always, questions most welcome
