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"I will be your boyfriend" Gambit
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Author:  zexphyrium [ Wed Aug 28, 2013 8:02 am ]
Post subject:  "I will be your boyfriend" Gambit
I am in an interesting situation right now.

2 weeks ago I managed to pull off a date from a girl I met in class. It wasn't a perfect date, I made many mistakes but it wasn't that bad either. She asked if I wanted to date her to which I replied "well that depends if you're a good girl", and I managed to invite her to my place where we just watched movies. It was my fault as I failed to escalate further, I only held her hands and told her "I'll be your boyfriend for today." I could have pushed for a kiss close which I can't seem to muster the courage for it. I messed up the date because I did not display enough interest in her, and I don't really know how to do it :cry: The next day, I tried to arrange for a meetup but she flaked me, saying she's busy for the week.

So I decided to freeze her out for a while and restart my interactions with her again, which I did last night. I made some small talk and helped her with an assignment last night through text, most importantly she agreed to meet up with me tomorrow to study with me and I feel there's a rapport building between us.

Well, I am feeling nervous about the study date tomorrow since it is my last chance to progress things any further with her. So while coming out with a game plan, here's a gambit I developed which is used to escalate things further:

Me: *grab her hands, face her and make deep eye contact* I have something important to tell you... Something that has been pressing in my mind for a while...

Her: ...what is it??

Me: Remember the last time you asked me if I wanted to date you? *pause for suspense* I've thought about it for a while and I have decided... (Chase framing; imply she's the one chasing after you)

Her: ... so what's your answer?? (She would be expecting you to agree from your body language)

Me: I... *pause for suspense* ... will not be your boyfriend *give serious look* (disqualify her to build thrill)

Her: ... but why??

Me: *give a warm smile* I'm just kidding, I WILL be your boyfriend *go in and give her a hug*

Of course this would only work if I am receiving major IOIs and built good rapport in the interaction. What you guys think of this escalation gambit? I definitely need some opinion about it :D
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Wed Aug 28, 2013 6:06 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: "I will be your boyfriend" Gambit
Quote:
I am in an interesting situation right now.
You are in a common situation.
Quote:
I could have pushed for a kiss close which I can't seem to muster the courage for it. I messed up the date because I did not display enough interest in her, and I don't really know how to do it :cry: The next day, I tried to arrange for a meetup but she flaked me, saying she's busy for the week.
Fear of rejection prevented you from doing anything, so you took the chicken shit route and did NOTHING.

It is the MOST common, that why there are forums devoted to overcoming that fear.
Quote:
So I decided to freeze her out for a while and restart my interactions with her again, which I did last night.
You summoned up the balls to try again, and she agreed, GOOD JOB.

It doesn't matter what you say to a large degree, it matters huge what you DO!
Quote:
I don't really know how to do it
You know the feeling in the pit of your guts, that says "I feel like I should kiss her right NOW, but I don't know if I should."

That is the moment. Don't let it slip by again.
Author:  TheFury [ Wed Aug 28, 2013 6:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: "I will be your boyfriend" Gambit
Quote:
I managed to invite her to my place where we just watched movies. It was my fault as I failed to escalate further, I only held her hands and told her "I'll be your boyfriend for today." I could have pushed for a kiss close which I can't seem to muster the courage for it. I messed up the date because I did not display enough interest in her, and I don't really know how to do it :cry: The next day, I tried to arrange for a meetup but she flaked me, saying she's busy for the week.
Ugh. You need some serious confidence man. You got a girl back to your place and you didn't make a move? I pretty much expect (and usually) get sex when a girl comes back to my place. You know why? Because I make a move. Nothing else special. That gambit or whatever sounds lame as shit to be perfectly honest. What you need is to build up your confidence and GO FOR IT. Don't be afraid to get rejected; if she likes you the worst thing that will happen is an awkward moment you both will forget about in 10 minutes. If she doesn't like you, well, she doesn't like you and you lost nothing by going for it anyway. Remember though, and this goes without saying, always be respectful and be sure she is comfortable and consenting (i..e going for it is not physically forcing yourself on a girl!!)
Author:  Wizzay [ Wed Aug 28, 2013 9:10 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: "I will be your boyfriend" Gambit
Don't do this. Forget about it. Have fun studying together, escalate as much possible, and then you should probably get another date if she is interested and escalate again and the boyfriend talk will come natural!
Author:  GamesSN [ Wed Aug 28, 2013 9:29 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: "I will be your boyfriend" Gambit
I'm with Wizzay.

Don't use that routine. It sounds fairly cheesy and definitely not the way she would want to be official with a guy.

Instead just go in, sit beside her to study and mix things up a bit. Ask what she did the other night or something, just talk about anything. When you feel less nervous about being around her start escalating things. Remember, she's already asked to be with you so you should be escalating it anyway. Just be natural and keep in mind she's yours. If you don't escalate during your study just remember one thing as she gets up to leave: It's now or never. This is the last chance you have to kiss the girl and do anything with her so just grab moment and kiss her goodbye on the cheek then look into her eyes and to her mouth and go in to kiss her. You'll only kick yourself if you don't do it so forget about fear of rejection.
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Wed Aug 28, 2013 11:29 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: "I will be your boyfriend" Gambit
Quote:
Don't use that routine.
Having inner confidence and being a Man is a routine? WTF?
Author:  zexphyrium [ Thu Aug 29, 2013 2:54 am ]
Post subject:  Re: "I will be your boyfriend" Gambit
Thanks for the constructive feedback guys, it was really helpful :D

You guys are right, it is my fear of rejection that is holding me back. There's numerous times where I got held back by this fear whenever opportunities present itself; be it number closing or escalate things further. I still lack serious inner confidence and overcoming this sticking point of mine is not easy...

For my tonight's study date, I'll focus on having a good time with her and kino escalation. If I read enough IOIs and can feel the sexual tension rising, instead of using that gambit I invented, I'll cut it down into something simpler and less cheesier. I'll just grab her hand, make eye contact and say "Remember the last time you asked me if I wanted to date you? *pause for suspense* I've decided, I will be your boyfriend..."

It's now or never, and I got nothing to lose. A big opportunity is right in front of my face right now, if I mess it up, I only got myself to blame. Wish me luck :D
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Thu Aug 29, 2013 6:13 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: "I will be your boyfriend" Gambit
Or? "Remember the last time you asked me if I wanted to date you? *stop being a pussy, lean in and kiss her* I've decided, I will..."
Author:  zexphyrium [ Sat Aug 31, 2013 1:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: "I will be your boyfriend" Gambit
All right... Just an update on the situation. In summary, I blew it up.

We just went into the library, talking about school work and daily lives, I was basically trying to build rapport. I also tried to kino-escalate; by placing hands on her shoulders when talking, tried to lean on her etc. but I did not feel any form of IOI, or rather she seems repulsed by my kino attempts.

But still I manage to confessed to her by saying, "Remember the last time you ask me to date you? I've decided, I'll be your boyfriend..." What happened afterwards is I created a long awkward pause and she said, "Can we talk about something else...?" I just landed in the Let's Just Be Friends zone.

Although I failed, I was actually happy by what I did, this is the first time ever I stated my interest to a girl face-to-face. Sure it was rough, and I was stammering my way through because of nervousness, but still it's an accomplishment :D

Learning point: I need more balls to push things forward whenever I see an opportunity, missing the escalation window is as good as shooting myself on the own foot, and I definitely need to work on my steadiness when I'm with a girl.
Author:  Wizzay [ Sat Aug 31, 2013 5:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: "I will be your boyfriend" Gambit
Its good you failed and learn from it, but next time try to learn without failing. We all told you how its going to be, but you had to see it for yourself, it's normal, only a few individuals will actually learn from others experience without experiencing it themselves. Good luck
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