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Should I go no contact?
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Author:  Rockd [ Mon Apr 29, 2013 4:31 am ]
Post subject:  Should I go no contact?
I've been seeing this girl for a little less than 3 weeks, maybe two or three times a week. Her ex cheated on her 3 months ago and she really liked him so i'm unsure how over him she is. Anyway, this morning I gave her a call and asked her about going on a legit date this friday, as in it was a little special. At the date I planned talk about being in a relationship, she said that she was unsure if she had anything going on friday and would get back to me. She hasn't, and I'm not overly worried but if she doesn't reply should I go no contact for a bit? Also I just realized its been less than 3 weeks and edited above, seems kind of soon to be honest.

I was thinking of either cancelling the date due to having to much work and then going no contact, or just going no contact.
Author:  desenz [ Mon Apr 29, 2013 6:03 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Should I go no contact?
Quote:
I've been seeing this girl for a little less than 3 weeks, maybe two or three times a week. Her ex cheated on her 3 months ago and she really liked him so i'm unsure how over him she is. Anyway, this morning I gave her a call and asked her about going on a legit date this friday, as in it was a little special. At the date I planned talk about being in a relationship, she said that she was unsure if she had anything going on friday and would get back to me. She hasn't, and I'm not overly worried but if she doesn't reply should I go no contact for a bit? Also I just realized its been less than 3 weeks and edited above, seems kind of soon to be honest.

I was thinking of either cancelling the date due to having to much work and then going no contact, or just going no contact.
No, no, no. You're doing it wrong, man. I don't know what a lot of the other members on this board think, but personally, I don't like to take women out on dates (i.e. taking her out to a restaurant, etc.) until after I've f-closed. You should just be hanging out with this chick and doing things were you spend little to nothing on her. Cafe's, parties (preferably where you know the majority of the people), and other social environments is where you should be taking her. There's A LOT of fun things to do with a girl that doesn't require lunch, or dinner and a movie. Not saying you're going to do this, but it just seems like you were hinting towards doing something like this if you have a date planned, but I'm probably assuming too much.

Also, don't bring up anything about a relationship. You're not in a relationship with this girl, so there really is no reason for you to be talking about this. Relationships should happen naturally, and you should be escalating to the point where you're basically seeing each other regularly until you eventually establish some sort of exclusive commitment to this girl (if that's what you want).

If I were you, I'd just say something along the lines of, "Hey, I'm going to X place with some friends on Friday and it's bound to be a good time. I was thinking that you should come have some fun with us."
Author:  StinkyApple [ Mon Apr 29, 2013 7:09 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Should I go no contact?
Talk more about relationship, then you will lose her(or any girl you mention such stuff to).

You need to be VERY smooth. The fact is, she is surely not over her x-BF. And you do not want to be her fill in.

Be the funny/exciting guy, having awesome time with awesome girls at awesome places. Chances are she will meet you, if you are able to drag her up from the bad mood she got. But im certain, that she just will ignore you, if you keep on telling the boring stuff.

Ask yourself - why would you freeze someone, who thinks you are fucking boring? Go out have some fun, be relaxed. Ignore your feelings, they wont reach someone, with a brokenheart. But everyone wants to some fun and everything can happend, while having fun and this is the area, you always have to stay on. Its here, where the magic happends and wait with the serious stuff to later on. General rule.

Good luck.
Author:  Rockd [ Mon Apr 29, 2013 10:09 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Should I go no contact?
Thanks a lot for responding guys. I had the wrong mindset to the situation in that I felt it had to come to a point where I needed to ask her. A mindset inspired by a girl who left me because I didn't ask her specifically. But I think that's bullshit, I agree a relationship should come naturally and flow into being a couple. Rather than set by simple words.

In my previous post I already did call her and ask her to a legit date on Friday, and since I didn't get any replies by this morning I texted her back with "hey sorry, i can't actually do friday. I do really need to study" Which is honest, but I'm not in a good position. I did take her to lunches and dinners but I never paid. Invited her to bars and a party at my house, and she spent the night many times. I did perform some cunnilingus but met resistance and backed off. No f-close, I have put her hand on my crotch a couple times but she pulled away soon enough (I'm looking into a better way to do this). So no f-close, which doesn't really bother me.

I think I'm going to go no-contact, she still hasn't replied and I have a lot of other things I need to be doing. If she doesn't contact me than oh well. EDIT: Actually just thought about it, exams end by may 8th and there's a party going on that night at my place put on by some of her friends and mine. So I'll re-initiate then if no contact

But you guys definitely helped me with some things. One being that my mindset was off, that I need to ask someone or take them on dates or hang out often. It should come naturally. Even though I haven't paid for dates we still went for dinner and lunch etc. Second being, don't bring up negative topics. I did cause I felt comfortable wit her but I realize that's just a crutch and doesn't add to the experience. So even though I might not be able to keep this girl, you guys helped me for the future. For more girls, and very likely better girls. Which is just as good or better than helping me get this one. Thanks a lot guys.
Author:  StinkyApple [ Mon Apr 29, 2013 10:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Should I go no contact?
After edit:

If i was you, i wouldnt ask her. I would expect her to be there, because of your social network. And i will certianly show value, by talking to alot of girls infront of her and having good time. Prove your worth socially and it very possible that you will get her, with the correct mindset ofcourse.

Only do this if it makes sense and you know what you are doing. And if you cant get her one way or another, believe me, she is not worth you.

Good luck mate.
Author:  Rockd [ Tue Apr 30, 2013 3:11 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Should I go no contact?
She replied a little earlier "Yeah, I don't think I was going to be able to make it either." It's not much, but it's a response.

And I should be able to talk to many girls, I know almost everyone there and I'm in good standing. And I can see about bringing one or two. I would be surprised if I couldn't look high value at this party.
Author:  Rockd [ Sun May 05, 2013 3:52 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Should I go no contact?
Well it's over. But it's not all bad.

I texted her thursday with a bit I picked up from a Texting thread.

1:23
Me:Hey, i feel like i need to tell you something
1:49
Her:Okay-I think I need to tell you something also
At this point I was like, shit. But I had nothing serious. and already had a plan haha
1:57
Me:...I think I might be pregnant
2:07
Her: Smh (so much hate)
2:22
Me:Hate all you want, I'm keeping it. I can't control my sexual nature

I got no reply so I texted her later that day and I sent this:
Me: I got some free time saturday so i was thinking you should come taste test a new dish im making.

I didn't get a response so the next day I decided to say fuck it, i want this girl in my life or out of it. I don't have time to be worrying about this so i sent:
Me:Look, everything aside. I respect that you have something to tell me. I have something serious to tell you too. Id rather sort this out sooner than later. Can you come by tomorrow

So she agrees and tonight, maybe an hour ago haha. She stops by and we talk. She wasn't in the Mindset of being in a relationship because she is still getting over her ex. And when I mentioned going on a date last sunday (which i put in a previous post here) it freaked her out. I realized it was last Sunday was when it was over. I told her that's fine, I have also been in that mindset before and i know exactly what she is going through. I offered a friends with benefits including that I will be seeing other people so if she isn't ok with it she should not do it. And she declined because she is not into those types of relations. We talked about a lot more, but through out it all I remained calm and lead the conversation. I made sure to incorporate talking about sex because I want to be open about that...for science(future engagements haha). And we met common ground on how hard it can be to end it with someone. I further told her that if in the future if she finds herself in a better mindset i wouldn't mind starting this back up. She thanked me for being so level headed through the whole thing, and i ensured her i wasn't hurt and that well, shit happens and sometimes it just doesn't work out. We kissed goodbye and she left.

So.. there was a point where i decided to drop any game and just go completely real, which is actually what i'm more doing with my game these days anyway. It was lost before I even posted here (last sunday). Through out the conversation i wanted to come across as alpha, unaffected, and experienced with everything that was going on. I think I pulled it off and I have little regrets. Thanks guys for replying, it helped to get some good perspective on this. I set a future plan with her where she knew i was going to be seeing other people but if she wants to have some fun than she is more than free to have some fun with me.

Of course I'm a little affected, if i wasn't seeing her for a month I wouldn't be but i think i allowed us to have the perfect breakup, which counts for something. I learned a lot and it's time to move on, preferably with a cute girl i number closed last night that i went Direct Game on and she loved my honesty ;)
Again, thanks guys it helped to post here.
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