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did i shoot myself in the foot?
https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=53&t=150237		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  lala [ Thu Nov 08, 2012 9:52 pm ]
Post subject:  did i shoot myself in the foot?
I met a girl at a party and we exchanged contacts. She seems fairly busy but we set up a date. Then she wrote to me on the day of the date to say she had forgotten about a meeting she had and she asked to reschedule. I didn't say anything about this, we just agreed to move it to 3 days later. This was today, and she did the exact same thing and now she said she wanted to cook me dinner as an apology. However, I was pretty pissed, as you might imagine, and just wrote to her "don't bother". I couldn't just agree to whatever she fancies. I realize I might have lost my chance but I want to ask what you would generally do in such a situation? I know it's not very likely for her to get back to me but what would be a way to reestablish the communication? I don't think I should be apologizing. What I'm thinking about is something like "Do you want to try this again?" or "I thought I'd give it a last shot ..".
Author:  BITmixit [ Thu Nov 08, 2012 10:09 pm ]
Post subject: 
1st time she flaked = let her know your not really bothered and that you have other plans.

"Thats fair, getting cooked dinner now anyway. YUM :)" < Be vague, she'll be wondering who is doing this for you.

Also did she re-plan the date of did you? She did = VERY GOOD, you did = BAD.

2nd time she flaked = do the same thing, your a man with loads of options.

"Bad times, il be able to find something else :)" < Always be vague with this shit, I always end up getting a "Whatcha doiiiiin?"

Right and this is where you severely fucked it up:

"Don't bother"

This is a reactive text man, reactive texts are VERY BAD. GIrls get turned off by reactions so much UNLESS its during sex. "Don't bother" = I CARE THAT YOUR BUSY, YOU'VE AFFECTED MY LIFE.

Also she offered to cook you dinner, she was offering compliance. Bro if a girl offers you compliance, take that shit. I would have made it sort in this case.

"3 course dinner, dessert best be amazing :)"

Thats just advice for the future. Personally I think if she doesn't text you then she's gone bro.
Author:  lala [ Fri Nov 09, 2012 12:23 am ]
Post subject: 
Yes, but I can't just be ok with her changing plans a few hours before our meeting twice. That sounds like I'll go with anything.

Of course, I'm not saying what I did was in any way a correct response. Do you think there's any way to recover from this?
Author:  Chinopants [ Fri Nov 09, 2012 12:32 am ]
Post subject: 
don't know if its fixable but just FYI. Chicks flake all the time. Its in there nature. Sucks but big part of the game.


What I might do to fix it is call her up and say hey that was a jerk text I sent you let me make it up to you by cooking you dinner. You can bring the wine and we can start over.
Author:  lala [ Fri Nov 09, 2012 12:47 am ]
Post subject: 
I know you should always leave options to yourself and not insult girls. But how do you handle multiple flaking? You can't just tolerate it and always be fine with it.

I think I will wait a day or two and then try to fix it.
Author:  BITmixit [ Fri Nov 09, 2012 12:55 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I know you should always leave options to yourself and not insult girls. But how do you handle multiple flaking? You can't just tolerate it and always be fine with it.

I think I will wait a day or two and then try to fix it.
As the previous person stated. Girls flake on people all the time including their friends. If you have a go at her your giving her negative emotions about you and she won't want to hang around with you which is what has happened.

There is a BIG difference between being "fine" with flaking and "not caring"

Being fine: "Oh ok that cools, Il cya another time" AFC and being fine. < TBH even this is better then "DON'T BOTHER" Reactivity is like resetting the attraction. You should be praying its not all gone.

Not caring: "Fair, im getting cooked dinner instead. YUM :)" < This shows you don't care and your busy.

Not caring = Girl gets worried that your seeing another girl because she's flaked on you.

Being fine with it = Girl knows she can take the piss.

Personally she flaked twice in a row, I would have dropped and moved on. HOWEVER she replanned the date. Thats investment and ioi.
Author:  Jbomb79 [ Fri Nov 09, 2012 2:14 pm ]
Post subject: 
Yeah bro you F'd that right up!

the only time you could ever get away with talking to a girl like that is if you seriously had no intention of perusing anything with her in the future. Massive reactive text and now youve shown a side of you that she wont like..

Plus mate do you really think I girl that is not interested in you is going to offer to cook you dinner?? No way! not only is she cooking you dinner this would have involved her inviting you to her house.. You had her where you wanted her, esp after her flake and now you are the one on the back foot when it should have been her
Author:  puaninja [ Fri Nov 09, 2012 5:43 pm ]
Post subject: 
You couldn't have played it much worse. First of all, you became upset which shows that you are reactionary. Not good. Second, you had a girl basically give you the ultimate IOI (she wants to come to your place), and you declined her offer. You got some points back for rejecting her frame and punishing her for bad behavior, but you did shoot yourself in the foot when you did the other stuff wrong. You came across as a whiney, needy guy. Not a good look bro.

You should not have gotten mad at her but instead tell her that something came up that you had to do anyway, so you wouldn't have been able to make it either. Act like it was a non-event to you. Then tell her that you'll have to see if you are free for whatever time she said she wanted to come over, because you have a bunch of shit to do. You don't want to cancel that meeting if indeed she is down to come over, because there's no sense in being a pua and rejecting girls who are trying to fuck close themselves.
Author:  lala [ Fri Nov 09, 2012 7:18 pm ]
Post subject: 
I agree with all of you. I did the wrong thing and it's not even something that I usually do. My problem has always been that I'm too nice.

What I was looking for is any suggestion of what I can do now? I wrote to her this morning saying I felt really bad about what I said, that I understand she's busy and that I would really like to see her.
Author:  puaninja [ Fri Nov 09, 2012 7:50 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I agree with all of you. I did the wrong thing and it's not even something that I usually do. My problem has always been that I'm too nice.

What I was looking for is any suggestion of what I can do now? I wrote to her this morning saying I felt really bad about what I said, that I understand she's busy and that I would really like to see her.
Hmmm. Groveling. That wouldn't have been my recommended next course of action either, but I suppose it's too late now.
Author:  lala [ Fri Nov 09, 2012 7:53 pm ]
Post subject: 
Ok, what is your recommended next course of action? I would still like to know.
Author:  puaninja [ Fri Nov 09, 2012 8:08 pm ]
Post subject: 
To be fair, your recovery wasn't that bad since you didn't leave yourself with many options anyway. It was going to be difficult to do damage control on that situation and an apology may have been in order, I don't know the full circumstances.

Maybe just saying "Would you like to come over tomorrow, I'm not mad anymore." or something to that effect. Not really apologizing or showing neediness and guilt, but acknowledging that you don't have any ill will toward her and you still want to get together.
Author:  lala [ Sun Nov 11, 2012 2:17 am ]
Post subject: 
Ok, I have her responding now, at least. She said she understands, but that she can invite me around christmas. Obviously, not an option.

I said christmas is too far ahead and that we should have our drink (our initial agreement). She said we'll talk tomorrow.

What could persuade her to meet me sooner?
Author:  Jbomb79 [ Sun Nov 11, 2012 3:50 am ]
Post subject: 
If she's responding and also willing to have you over again then there is still some interest, which is good. I wouldn't push too hard re the catch up straight away. Spend a bit I time getting her back in the comfort zone. You f'd up so you need to get her back to where she was otherwise she will run... Then go for the meet up and you'll be right. If she is still thinking about yor f up when you ask to catch up then you might only get a maybe or a flake..
Author:  PUA-Enigma [ Mon Nov 12, 2012 11:16 am ]
Post subject: 
dude, in situations like this there is nothing wrong with apologising! You are in a situation where you think she is a goner so you have absolutely nothing to lose, hence go for broke!- be a nice guy for a split second - tell her you had a difficult week at work last week (maybe turn it into a DHV story,), tell her you have certain expectations and standards which is why you reacted so, then tell her why you like her (qualify her), and meet for drinks asap!

the most important thing is to MEET her, texting back and forth will go get you nowhere in this situation IMO,. Also I don't think she is now that into you (meeting at xmas sounds ridiculous), hence if and when you do meet, you'll need to spike-up attraction again!
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