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Closed her down too fast and scared her off?
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Author:  InequalityOfArms [ Sat Sep 15, 2012 8:44 am ]
Post subject:  Closed her down too fast and scared her off?
Hi guys,

First post. Feels good. So anyway, this is the situation I wanted to ask you about. It sort of relates to the area between closing and getting into a relationship or a steady fuck buddy arrangement.

The girl is new in town. She arrived Sunday two weeks ago and she will be staying until January. I ran into her on the Monday and opened her with the trusty old cigarette lighter line. I was genuinely in need of one and so was she, so we teamed up to find someone to light our cigarettes. From that it was an easy transition to being her tour guide for the next hour or two and getting her number with a promise to meet up for drinks later.

I let her number cool in my phone for a few days and I sent her a text. She was very happy to hear from me and we arranged to meet up, which we did on Friday. I just took her to a bar and had a few drinks while escalating gently and making her feel comfortable. We got on really well and I deployed a few old school techniques to build comfort and increase attraction, which were devilishly effective. When I did kiss her after a few beers she was very into it and ground on me up against a wall while I felt her ass and pussy under her dress.

Venue change. New loud bar. Make sure to lose track of time so that she misses the last bus. We get a few drinks there and bail out.
"I don't have money for a taxi. Can I sleep in yours? Just sleeping though."
"Sure, just sleeping. Come on."

It's what she needed to hear. I get her home and we do the business. Wow! We really have excellent chemistry, sexually and intellectually. At this point we are talking very openly and we have fallen into a nice rhythm of back and forth banter.

Sleep. Wake up. Nice intimate morning of chatting until I tell her I have to go into town to meet some people. She comes with me on the bus and I show her how to get home because she still doesn't really know the city. We kiss goodbye and agree to meet again.

This is where it gets weird. I text her two days later and get her on instant messaging. We just shoot the shit for a minute and then I try to take the conversation in a sexier direction. At this point she tells me how everything has gone too fast for her and she's not ready for a relationship because of just breaking up with her ex boyfriend, etc. The usual shit. She actually voiced these objections the first time I kissed her, but I just spat out some bullshit to keep her happy and kept going. I tell her it's fine and just generally act really cool about it. She acts surprised that I'm not mad at her and tells me I'm really great. I tell her to take care of herself. No contact since then.

So here's the question: how do I get this girl back in bed with me? I actually don't even care so much about having sex with her because she's a cool person and I would like to get to know her, but sex would sweeten the deal, wouldn't it?

I anticipate that some of you will say to next her. I am actively gaming other girls and it really won't cost me anything to let this one go. I feel like this is the sort of set back that seducers should know how to handle though and I want to practice. I have some experience of overcoming this kind of resistance by persisting confidently and treating all the girl's indecisive bullshit as slightly charming nonsense that doesn't affect me.

What would you guys do?
Author:  AFC_Datik [ Sat Sep 15, 2012 9:27 am ]
Post subject: 
Sounds like you really like this girl, so you shouldn't treat it like an average lay.


This goes against everything I've learned here but what I would have done in my AFC days would be to send her a sweet message, mail or even preferably call her and tell her that she you really liked her and genuinely convey that you don't care about the sexual part of it. You need to sound at the same time geuine and at the same time laid-back.

Now, in a sense that is an extreme form of DLV, but it can work ONLY AND ONLY IF you both genuinely created an amazing connection with each other, and the girl isn't used to going out with many guys.


Another part of me tells me that you should just make her miss you, but again, this all depends on how much you gauge that she feels she created a connection with you (and not just how much you did with her).
Author:  InequalityOfArms [ Sat Sep 15, 2012 10:20 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
call her and tell her that she you really liked her and genuinely convey that you don't care about the sexual part of it.
I do care about the sexual part of it. :D It's not everything though.

But you're right. I do like her and I am confident I created an extremely solid connection. My reading of her is that she is not used to being with many guys. She was with this last guy for three years or so.

I am contemplating taking the radical honesty approach you suggested. I also don't think that confidently stating what you want in a non-needy way is a DLV. It's a pretty big DHV in my opinion.

As I said in the original post, I know that confident persistence can be effective. In previous situations where I applied it though, the girl and I shared a social circle. This is not the case with this one. We will probably run into each other at some stage, but in general I won't see her unless one of us makes it happen.
Author:  kingmack07 [ Sat Sep 15, 2012 6:43 pm ]
Post subject: 
The advice above is actually pretty good but I would really carry this out in person with EYE contact! See if you can get her to go out with you, make it a day time activity so that she feels less pressure about having sex.

Obviously if things go well, take her back home and fuck her in the daytime. There is nothing wrong with that!

Cheers!
Author:  InequalityOfArms [ Thu Sep 20, 2012 10:12 pm ]
Post subject: 
Ok, I was totally honest with her, as you guys suggested. She's up for meeting up and hanging out, but she wrote me a very long email about why we should just be friends and why no sexy stuff should happen. The lady doth protest too much, methinks.

I'm pretty happy with this as it is, but now that she has insisted so vehemently on just being friends I pretty much have to fuck her to make her eat her words. :D Any tips for how I should proceed?
Author:  Czech. [ Fri Sep 21, 2012 5:44 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I let her number cool in my phone for a few days and I sent her a text. She was very happy to hear from me and we arranged to meet up, which we did on Friday.
Love that you waited 3 days before contacting her. 10 points for being a challenge.
Quote:
When I did kiss her after a few beers she was very into it and ground on me up against a wall while I felt her ass and pussy under her dress.
I would've waited for one more date before going that intense. But hey, sounds like you were having fun.
Quote:
"I don't have money for a taxi. Can I sleep in yours? Just sleeping though."
"Sure, just sleeping. Come on."

It's what she needed to hear.
Very smooth!
Quote:
We kiss goodbye and agree to meet again.
Again, nice job.
Quote:
I text her two days later and get her on instant messaging. We just shoot the shit for a minute and then I try to take the conversation in a sexier direction.
This is where you f**ked up.

1. You texted her 2 days later. I would've waited at least 3 and then CALLED her. Or wait for her to text you.

2. You showed your true intentions. You wanted just sex and assumed it was on because she slept with you so fast. I think you undervalued how well you built attraction with this girl. She lost attraction as soon as you stopped being a challenge by showing your sexually needy side.

For next time, you have to KEEP PLAYING THE GAME even AFTER you've had sex. Keep being a challenge, keep staying aloof. Take her out on more dates. This will build and build her attraction.

I ASKED one girl to be my fuck buddy. She said, "Sure as long as we hang out first. I don't want to feel like a slut."

---> It's a valuable lesson. Use what WORKED IN THE BEGINNING and ALWAYS APPLY IT.

When you reach super high levels of attraction, there's no difference between FUCK BUDDY or GIRLFRIEND. You completely call the shots because all she wants is to be apart of your life.


EDIT: To move forward, this is what I would say:

"You know what, looking back now I realize that you're right."

That's it. And then you MOVE ON. Ignore her if she sends any texts/emails/whatever. She put you in the friend's zone, so LEARN FROM IT rather than try to RECOVER FROM IT. Don't let your EGO get in the way of your learning. Rejection is painful, so use that pain to motivate you never to make the same mistake again.

If you truly like this girl, then wait 3-6 months before trying again.
Author:  pumpington [ Fri Sep 21, 2012 6:56 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Closed her down too fast and scared her off?
Quote:
So here's the question: how do I get this girl back in bed with me?
forget about this, meet new girls, when this girl is not on your mind after a few weeks, hit her up for another drink, sleep with her but don't try to get any commitment out of her, just have some casual sex, don't start contacting her often, don't start up flirty IM chats, just call her to meet, have sex, rinse and repeat, if she flakes just let her come to you, meet new girls and forget about her
Quote:
I actually don't even care so much about having sex with her because she's a cool person and I would like to get to know her, but sex would sweeten the deal, wouldn't it?
this is your issue right here, you're getting needy, judging by your post she wanted no stings attached sex (possible only as a one time thing, but also possible that she could have wanted repeat casual buisness), you gave that to her, but when you started contacting her more she got the vibe you were looking for more then just sex, so she gave you the yellow card
Quote:
I anticipate that some of you will say to next her. I am actively gaming other girls and it really won't cost me anything to let this one go. I feel like this is the sort of set back that seducers should know how to handle though and I want to practice. I have some experience of overcoming this kind of resistance by persisting confidently and treating all the girl's indecisive bullshit as slightly charming nonsense that doesn't affect me.
stay indifferent to relationships and specific girls until they try to define a relationship, let them be the ones trying to contact you, and trying to get your attention, stop trying to impress and do that for them, and just start leading, you don't have to game girls up hardcore, it's really simple, boy meets girl, boy screens girl, boy leads to sex, girl either complies or doesn't, then on to the next one reguardless of the outcome, and often if you remain indifferent and are good in bed, girl will want boy as a boyfriend or continue having sex as long as boy invites girl out, no need to ''game'' after sex, just keep inviting her out for sex, and keep meeting and having sex with new girls, no escalation over the phone, no hitting her up 20x a day, just one invite, she either comes or she doesn't, if she doesn't you start attempting invites less and less often, and meeting more and more new girls, she goes to the bottom of the pile
Quote:
What would you guys do?
give her space, next her, meet new girls, then hit her up later, give her plausible deniability for a meet, but let her know you're not looking for a serious relationship, if she puts that barrier up on the table, and if she's down with it, don't get needy this time, if not ohh well, you learned something

GOOD LUCK
Author:  InequalityOfArms [ Fri Sep 21, 2012 8:14 am ]
Post subject: 
Thanks, guys. This is all great advice. I do see that I fucked up by contacting her too fast after sex. I should have let it all stew inside her until she contacted me, which she would have. I have learned that if I want to maintain attraction I can never stop being a challenge.

It's all about having more options and more self control than she does, isn't it?

I will put her to the bottom of the pile, but I will accept her invitations and maybe hit her up again when I give less of a fuck. Giving a fuck is truly fatal, unless she gives more fucks, and even then...

Onwards and upwards! There are more sexy little things out there who are just dying to meet me. It would just be rude not to give them the chance.
Author:  attrax [ Fri Sep 21, 2012 3:48 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Giving a fuck is truly fatal, unless she gives more fucks, and even then...
Haha love that line!
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