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When a girl says she's "not feeling it"
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Author:  chazman0426 [ Sun Mar 04, 2012 3:49 am ]
Post subject:  When a girl says she's "not feeling it"
A girl I recently dated for about 6 weeks recently gave me the "you're a great guy but I'm just not feeling it" and LJBF me. I actually handled it pretty cool. I just told her I understand and I was having doubts about her too and it's better to be friends (she beat me to LJBF unfortunately). I don't know if that was the right way to handle it.

Funny thing is, I kino escalated her pretty quickly and kissed her on the first date and made out on the 3rd date. She didn't want me to leave on the 4th date. Then things died on the 5th date. I went drinking with her and her friends and she was sober and I wasn't and she was physically distant. So I saw it coming I guess. A week went by where she didn't text me so I texted her asking how she's been and that's when I got LJBF

Anyway, my main question is what does it mean when a girl says she doesn't feel a "connection" or that "spark". Does it mean if I were to play my game pretty right could that still happen? Are there just some chicks you cannot attract no matter what you do?

The girl I was with said I was super hot and everything but she just wasn't feeling it. My major flaw tends to be that I am too nice.

I guess I'm asking what should I do next time to prevent the "I'm just not feeling that spark/connection" speech?
Author:  _Action_ [ Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:08 am ]
Post subject: 
Agree to just be friends. Then make sure she knows you're out having a good time and you've got other girls interested in you. Demonstrate that you've moved on from her and your life is fun and abundant. Then one night, invite yourself round to her house. Just say "I'm coming over tonight." If the DHV's have worked she'll bite. Be ready for shit-tests in a big way though. Just keep a strong frame and be dominant. Be ready for LMR too. Have sex with her in a dominant way - telling her she belongs to you etc. Bingo.
Author:  chazman0426 [ Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:15 am ]
Post subject: 
I thought the way to know my DHV's are working is when she gets in touch. She ended it so I'm not contacting her until she gets in touch with me. I might ignore her at first a little too.

I told her I'm totally fine being friends and we even joked a little before I ended the conversation by telling her to keep in touch and text me when she gets drunk this week. She said maybe but she's afraid what she'd say.

I won't text her again until I hear back, if I don't oh well. What's the point if I keep initiating things and that won't help my attraction any as well. Maybe I'm wrong?
Author:  _Action_ [ Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:24 am ]
Post subject: 
I see what you mean, but from my personal experience in converting friends I've had to take the initiative. After-all, what's your frame going to be? That, having previously decided to be friends, you now want to fuck her. That's a pretty strong frame to have, don't you think? Do you really believe she's going to enter that frame without any effort on your part? It's not a question of who initiates the contact first. It's a question of how you deal with the barrage of shit-tests that come your way. Trust me, I've been there.
Author:  chazman0426 [ Tue Mar 06, 2012 3:50 am ]
Post subject: 
I really just want her interest level back to what it was when I met her. Whatever frame that requires, I have no clue. Everything I've read says the best chances I have once she loses interest is to leave her be for a while and wait for her to come back if she even does. I guess If she doesn't I can start again in a month.
Author:  chazman0426 [ Wed Mar 07, 2012 4:07 pm ]
Post subject: 
No other advice? When she says she's not "feeling a connection" Is it because I didn't play attraction right or comfort level right? I'm just wondering what part of my game is missing or if there is nothing you can do to prevent that since each women is different.
Author:  SmoothOp [ Wed Mar 07, 2012 4:59 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
No other advice? When she says she's not "feeling a connection" Is it because I didn't play attraction right or comfort level right? I'm just wondering what part of my game is missing or if there is nothing you can do to prevent that since each women is different.
You are missing attraction. And if you are getting this speech after 5 dates then your initial gaming is good but you fall off after a while. I'm gonna take a wild guess and say maybe you are boring her or saying stupid stuff after you get comfortable. The biggest culpert is most likely you not physically escalating quick enough. Normally I would have aimed for sex on 2nd date. Surprisingly if you play your cards right, most normal nice girls will bang that quick. But yeah it's attraction not comfort. Comfort will make you her therapist or gay friend if too much is gained.

Also maybe it was the 5th date. Maybe her friends didn't like you or you got drunk/annoying. Not sure you would have to post details. I have destroyed my game by being drunk and saying stupid shit, writing texts that I found funny ect..
Author:  kingmack07 [ Wed Mar 07, 2012 9:41 pm ]
Post subject: 
Agreed. Attraction is the biggest culprit here. I am facing this as well. Laying back too much and not being sexual whether it be physically or through conversation. If you get another meet, try to escalate through conversation and switching to physical. Good luck and obviously let us know how it goes.
Author:  chazman0426 [ Thu Mar 08, 2012 2:34 am ]
Post subject: 
Well actually according to her at least at first I was too fast by kissing her on the first date so I slowed it down a bit. We made out on the 3rd hang out though. She is a virgin (save it to marriage type) and very inexperienced. I respected her because of that as I'm not looking for just sex. Let's just say that when we made out she was puzzled when I tried to put my tongue in her mouth :P . My guess is I texted her waay too much even though for a while she was texting me the same amount. Anyway, I gave it another week after I ended her LJBF convo. She texted me last night saying

Her: Heyyy
Her: Just want to see how your Spring Break is going, I may be a little drunk ;)

But I didn't reply because my phone ran out of battery when she sent them and I got those text's hours later after going to bed. Should I freeze her a little more or reply? How should I reply?

PS: I have a feeling that if she wasn't the prude virgin type she would see me as more of a FWB since she said multiple times she's very attracted to my body. Also when I asked her if I had any flaws she said not really other than me coming off as ultra serious sometimes.
Author:  chazman0426 [ Thu Mar 08, 2012 4:52 pm ]
Post subject: 
Any advice on this one? Freeze her out longer or send her a text?
Author:  kingmack07 [ Thu Mar 08, 2012 4:57 pm ]
Post subject: 
Nah you should re-engage and escalate.
Author:  chazman0426 [ Fri Mar 09, 2012 2:52 am ]
Post subject: 
what's the best way to escalate after being LJBF? I was thinking of just fooling with her by pretending I forgot who she was. Since she's very gullible (I've played with her before) she' likely to believe me.

Me: Who are you?
Her: Her name blablabla
Me: Sorry I don't remember I hit my head pretty seriously earlier and can't remember the last 3 months of my life (explanation is optional). Did we have sex?
Her: No blablabla
Me: Oh so it was nothing serious, that's good to know!

ect.

I don't know. I thought of it and I know it would be fun for me. Better than the usual "how is your spring break" text I would send otherwise.
Author:  _Action_ [ Fri Mar 09, 2012 3:39 am ]
Post subject: 
I'd keep texting to a minimum. You need to see her in person. When you see her, KINO. Hold the small of her back when she goes through a door. Slap her playfully on the ass. Get bolder and bolder with the kino. Build the sexual tension. Give her lots of eye contact and don't be afraid of pauses in the conversation. DHV. Act like you've changed since you last saw her - your life has been turned up a notch and you're very abundant and positive. Tease her. Break rapport. Then qualify her to cushion the LMR. And like I said before, BE READY for shit tests.
Author:  chazman0426 [ Fri Mar 09, 2012 10:40 pm ]
Post subject: 
The thing is, that's exactly what I was doing the times I hung out with her. I don't know exactly where she lost attraction or why. One Saturday (weeks ago) she was telling me she missed me and wanted to kiss me then the following Tuesday she was distant and told me LJBF. That fast. I don't understand.

I think I'm just gonna text her tonight and see how it goes. She loves texting so that's the best way (for now) to gain some attraction. Eventually I'll tell her to meet me somewhere next week when we're in town. I don't know if I'm interested though if she just wants to be friends, it would be awkward touching her if she says (we're just friends don't touch me ect.)
Author:  chazman0426 [ Sat Mar 10, 2012 11:55 pm ]
Post subject: 
I think it's a lost cause at this point. Here's how it went. She was pretty drunk when I texted her and I didn't expect that. I just did a routine where I pretended I didn't know her that I made up and it went nowhere. That wasn't what I intended.

Me: Hey, who are you?
Her: Her name
Me: Sorry doesn't ring a bell :( I got in an accident and have retrograde amnesia. I don't remember the last 4 months
Her: Oh my gosh! Seriously? When?
Me: Earlier this week, did we have sex? (I wanted to get a little sexual, she ignored it though)
Her: That's awful. we met online. I feel like your fucking with me
Me: Omg I feel so terrible
Her: Like for reals? You got in an accident? On the way home?
Me: I'm not sure I guess. I just remember waking up in the hospital
Her: That's insane! Did people tell you what happened?
Me: Yeah I got hit head on, Doctor said I was dead for 20 minutes.
Me: I wish I could remember you I'm really sorry
Her: (she sent me a pic of me and her)
Me: That's a great pic!
Her: That's you and me a few weeks ago
Me: I guess I'm missing a lot of fun times, found this (I sent her a pic I had of her)
Her: Yea that's me, are you still at the hospital?
Me: Nah, I'm out. You'll never guess what happened when I died
Her: What happened?
Me: I met Jesus and he told me your the most gullible girl in the world. But I already knew that ;)
Her: You suck and I'm drunk
Me: lol, what else is new, my alcoholic friend?
Her: Drunk hottub moonshine i'm fuvked up
Me: Moonshine can leave you blind if it's not distilled properly. No joke. I'd stop drinking the stuff. Well have fun!


and she never texted back. I guess I screwed up. Time to move on. This one is dead in the water. No way to get any attraction at this point but to move on. She's always drunk or on her way the last couple of times we texted. Why be interested in an alcoholic.

What do you guys think?
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