PUA Forum :: The secret to overcoming Approach Anxiety

we do not want to make a move untill we are garanteed a successful result. in other words u dont want to approach the girl untill your 100% sure ur going to get it right and ur going to be smooth sexy confident, and ur going to get the girl.

Don't bother trying to define it. Take a class in oral communications. Pick up a performing art, speech, instruments, etc . . .

You don't overcome AA by identifying it, focusing on it, addressing it, etc . . .

Instead, focus on the ACTUAL PRACTICE of engaging with others through your natural tendencies. Find 'your way in'. Work on it.

No. . . it's about approaching ten/twenty/thirty of those foxes until you get over it.

Quote:

No. . . it's about approaching ten/twenty/thirty of those foxes until you get over it.

NO! this is the problem. ur saying to urself that u need to approach a certain number before u get over it. That wont happin! if u can tell me your over approach anxiety then i would probably laugh at you. Mystery who is considered the worlds best PUA, always talks about he gets nervous when working his game. and probly approached 5,000 girls in his time.

Approach anxiety is something u need to come to accept. Accept that its there, and it gets alot smaller. Approach 20/30 girls and expect it to go away, and it'll do the exact opposite.

Once u accept it'll always be there, sooner or later it wont have any effect on your game. You'll still feel it, but ull have overcome it soo many times that it wont stop you from pickin up.

Author:	Naughty_pencil [ Wed Dec 08, 2010 8:00 am ]
Post subject:	The secret to overcoming Approach Anxiety
Now im going teach all of you how to destroy your approach anxiety. This worked really well for me after a long time of suffering. I believe the general idea about why we feel approach anxiety is wrong. Most people, and Pick artists will tell you its a fear of rejection. Its the fear of offering yourself to a girl, and being rejected. Now im going to say something that many people will disagree with. But this is what you must realize: - Its not about your fear of rejection - Its not about your past bad experiences - Its not a lack of confidence Its the friction produced by two conflicting desires. now that may sound like a bunch of crap but let me explain. When you see a gorgeous girl u feel two things. 1. u wanna walk over and get the girl. 2. u wanna stay exactly where u are and not move a muscle. now why do we feel number two? heres why; we do not want to make a move untill we are garanteed a successful result. in other words u dont want to approach the girl untill your 100% sure ur going to get it right and ur going to be smooth sexy confident, and ur going to get the girl. how many times have u been at a club, bar, shopping center, beach etc. seen a beautiful girl, thought u should approach her, and then thought nah im not ready, i dont know what to say. im going to go home, work on my game, watch some more PUA videos, read some more books, and then ill be 100% ready to go after the girl. how many times have u been at a club or bar, u see a girl u know u should approach but u think omg i have no idea wat to say, im gona go home and find the perfect line to use next time i come and next time ill do great. u see guys there is no perfect line. if there was, u would not have a whole bunch of books to read, forums to go through, instead there would be one line and everyone would use it and get every girl. u must understand that at that very moment when ur sitting standing or whatever. and u see that gorgeous girl, u are never garanteed a successful result. u can go home and study the game for 25 years. then come back and ull still be in the exact same state of mind as u were 25 years ago. the only way to overcome this approach anxiety, is to understand that its gona be there all the time. it'll be here nxt time u go out. it'll be there in 1 years time after uve slept with 100 chicks. Approach anxiety will always be there, for those of you who disagree, youtube mystery's video on approach anxiety and ull see. you must come to accept it, and know that the only reason, 99% of guys in the world aren't pick up artists, arnt players, are not successful with girls as much as they hope to be, is because of approach anxiety. BE GLAD THAT APPROACH ANXIETY EXISTS. its wat stops every guy from having every girl. soo when ur able to walk into a bar and chat up every girl, ull be the only guy. ull be doing what others only dream about. And the only way to do this is to accept that feeling u have. stop trying to figure out ways to get rid of it. embrace it, laugh at it, smile at it, talk to it, if u focus hard enough ull be able to feel exactly where it is (in the middle of ur chest towards the front). remember guys, its 100 times more harder than u think. but 1000 times more rewarding that u can imagine. so its up to you

Author:	J-Diddy [ Thu Dec 09, 2010 4:57 am ]
Post subject:
Nicely put, I agree all the way. It is all about experience... 80% socializing and testing, 20% reading. Keep it simple when starting... always. You need to get the basics down first. Get all that crap out of your head and break it down to three simple things. Practice those then move on.

Author:	Maikuljay [ Thu Dec 09, 2010 5:15 am ]
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I very much agree with this.. too many times i've looked at a girl and thought.. yeah i'd like too... buuuutttt... and then it's too late.. conflicting ideals is right, the only way to get better is to practice. Just get in there fail a bit and keep going

Author:	Noah E [ Thu Dec 09, 2010 5:26 am ]
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this is a great post, and it really hit home for me as I've only gotten over AA since I turned 19 (I'm 21 now) Before, I had no problems with people I was introduced to, or "friends of friends" but I couldnt do a cold approach for the life of me. Even now when I feel like I've improved a lot I still get butterflies. They'll never go away. You just have to tell them to fuck off, and when you see a chance to approach just take it.

Author:	BridgeBurner [ Fri Dec 10, 2010 9:18 pm ]
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keeping in mind that that is basically the "psychology" behind the age-old from day one tried and tested, famous "three second rule" which if you haven't learned or never ever could learn anythign in PUA except one thing.... the three second rule is the most important..... it'll force you to approach dozens of women weekly making you strike out a lot with no other "learned techniques" but dozens weekly you'll naturalyl pick it all up and every stage... its probably the single most important thing.... cuz it will force u to learn regarless of every other technique out there...

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Author:	Moreno [ Fri Dec 10, 2010 11:57 pm ]
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great post naughty pencil,i hope ur not a keyboard junkie and that ur getting consistent results too.This reminded me of Echart Tolle,the guy who wrote the "Power of Now" book,which basically teaches u a way of stopping being in ur head all the time,stopping thinking about things constantly and just being silent and comfortable,shutting down that inner chatting monkey.And it's interesting cause it's a similar concept here too,when u take his advice from the book u go like "oh i'm starting to go on a chatting rant with myself" so ur realising when ur starting to go through all that thinking,same here,u realise when u start feeling the approach anxiety, and the second thing is,accepting it,accepting that ur starting to think about so many things,ur not trying to mock urself "oh how stupid i am i just started thinking about many things" u just accept urself that u had ur mind going through all that,same with approach anxiety,u ackowledge seeing urself having approach anxiety,and accept urself feeling it,and the third part is just being silent,not having any though,so that on the approach anxiety is the making the move part, just taking the action

Author:	PlayHer Man [ Sat Dec 11, 2010 1:51 am ]
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It can also the the fear of public embarrassment. Getting rejected when no one is around is easy. Getting rejected on line in a crowded supermarket can be very uncomfortable.

Author:	danw [ Sat Dec 11, 2010 2:57 am ]
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lol yea this happens to me a see a hb and I forget what was the opener I try to memorize the good ones but all what it comes into my mind is the stupid lame ones XD btw does anyone have good openers?

Author:	stateofarrest [ Tue Dec 14, 2010 11:47 pm ]
Post subject:
yeah its just about going for it. I like the '3 second rule' because it stops you thinking. You have 3 seconds to go and do it, and it gives you no time to obsess and think about it. After another 5 seconds of talking to a set, you realise they're normal, and they realise you're normal, and its done. If theres rapport, theres opportunity.

Author:	Diego1234567 [ Wed Dec 15, 2010 12:26 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: we do not want to make a move untill we are garanteed a successful result. in other words u dont want to approach the girl untill your 100% sure ur going to get it right and ur going to be smooth sexy confident, and ur going to get the girl. Is this not the fear of rejection? the fear of being rejected when you want to speak to her. Its cool youre getting over it but i dont understand what you've said.

Author:	kasabi [ Wed Dec 15, 2010 3:15 am ]
Post subject:
Don't bother trying to define it. Take a class in oral communications. Pick up a performing art, speech, instruments, etc . . . You don't overcome AA by identifying it, focusing on it, addressing it, etc . . . Instead, focus on the ACTUAL PRACTICE of engaging with others through your natural tendencies. Find 'your way in'. Work on it.

Author:	Naughty_pencil [ Wed Dec 15, 2010 10:08 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: Don't bother trying to define it. Take a class in oral communications. Pick up a performing art, speech, instruments, etc . . . You don't overcome AA by identifying it, focusing on it, addressing it, etc . . . Instead, focus on the ACTUAL PRACTICE of engaging with others through your natural tendencies. Find 'your way in'. Work on it. hmm...yes but when u see a gorgeous girl u want to know, something holds you back, something makes u stand still and do nothing. The problem is that most people dont understand what that thing actually is. you can be great at human interaction. u can be smooth, funny, interesting. You can even work in an environment where ur trained to talk to people. But when u see that stunning fox sweep past you, it'll take alot more than skill and practice. its not about being skilled or having practice. its about understanding what goes on in your head, that u realise, "all i have in my reality is the current moment" and u make the move. Once u make the move, regardless of the outcome, your a Winner

Author:	Naughty_pencil [ Thu Dec 16, 2010 6:29 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: No. . . it's about approaching ten/twenty/thirty of those foxes until you get over it. NO! this is the problem. ur saying to urself that u need to approach a certain number before u get over it. That wont happin! if u can tell me your over approach anxiety then i would probably laugh at you. Mystery who is considered the worlds best PUA, always talks about he gets nervous when working his game. and probly approached 5,000 girls in his time. Approach anxiety is something u need to come to accept. Accept that its there, and it gets alot smaller. Approach 20/30 girls and expect it to go away, and it'll do the exact opposite. Once u accept it'll always be there, sooner or later it wont have any effect on your game. You'll still feel it, but ull have overcome it soo many times that it wont stop you from pickin up.

Author:	SlowMotion [ Thu Dec 16, 2010 7:04 am ]
Post subject:
Excellent. Nicely put!

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Author:	Surielx [ Thu Dec 16, 2010 8:12 am ]
Post subject:
Salut! Quote: Quote: No. . . it's about approaching ten/twenty/thirty of those foxes until you get over it. NO! this is the problem. ur saying to urself that u need to approach a certain number before u get over it. That wont happin! if u can tell me your over approach anxiety then i would probably laugh at you. Mystery who is considered the worlds best PUA, always talks about he gets nervous when working his game. and probly approached 5,000 girls in his time. Approach anxiety is something u need to come to accept. Accept that its there, and it gets alot smaller. Approach 20/30 girls and expect it to go away, and it'll do the exact opposite. Once u accept it'll always be there, sooner or later it wont have any effect on your game. You'll still feel it, but ull have overcome it soo many times that it wont stop you from pickin up. Naughty_pencil, you've misunderstood him. I watched it and he tells it in a different way: yes, he is nervous but it's not AA. It's the feeling that when he sees a beautiful girl walking in he gets nervous because he knows he have to talk to her. It's not AA. AA is when you want to talk to that girl and you feel "something" that holds you back. Mystery's "something" puches him forward. "Mystery Method Video Archive" - it's something we're talking about. Your initial post is decent, but not exhaustive. There is a theory (not mine, I can't remember who it is but all the credit to him) that you want only a good memories of your life in general and from every single day in detail. You know you will feel bad after she rejects you, that's why you don't approach. Something that worked for me: I go out with friends, approach, if rejected - I go back to them and laugh about "Casanova shot down". I know rejection is normal and learned how to laugh of it - it was my cure for AA. But as I said before, AA is complex subject. Mystery's right due to evolutional conditions, you are right in some way, the author I mentioned is right and there are more... Salut! Surielx.