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Why are you talking to me?
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Author:  Wurmwood [ Tue Jan 05, 2010 12:51 am ]
Post subject:  Why are you talking to me?
Hey, guys.

In my quest to overcome my difficulty approaching people, I've determined that one thing I need to understand is WHY people talk to other people they don't know. I'm the sort of person who rarely does this; I rarely talk to people I've never met. I need to figure out why people do that. The obvious answer can't be the frame for an opener. You can't let people know you're talking to them because you want to get to know them, right? There's gotta be an alternate reason; like asking their opinion or something. That's all I've been able to figure out. Here are the three reasons (or roots, if you will) behind every opener that I can think of:

A) You want their opinion.
B) You want their help with something.
C) You want to comment on something they're wearing, carrying, or doing.

What am I missing? What other reasons/excuses to people use to chat up a total stranger? I'm sure this kind of thing comes naturally to most of you, but I'm not wired that way. I really think it would help if I understood WHY people talk to strangers. Thanks in advance.
Author:  sinsitive [ Tue Jan 05, 2010 1:35 am ]
Post subject: 
Asking for an opinion or any other reason that actually isn't the reason to talk to some-one is a way to ease her.

When you directly tell her:
Hi I want to get to know you, nr close you, date and fuck... Then she has an image of you:

- Random guy.
- Dont feel anything.

You're at level 0 at the time and that is not very interesting to hang out with a person.

So what you do is talk to some-one to get a higher "level" (social rating) so that you become this interesting, that she wants to hang out with you.

So till that time is reached, you can't say you want to hang out, since till that point is reached she doesn't want to hang out with you and you'll be rejected like a golfball in front of Tiger Woods: Quick, hard and far far away.




Openers.
Yeah, opinion, remark, question... those are excuses that might work well. It also depends on the location.
If you're in a new city you can ask girls for directions. Not very alpha but who cares.

In a club directions would be a bit.. weird. But you can ask what's her fav. drink and what to get next. Etc, etc.
Author:  Ezo [ Tue Jan 05, 2010 11:28 am ]
Post subject: 
The obvious answer would be, you are just talking to people because you are a social guy.
Author:  DaBossKid [ Tue Jan 05, 2010 11:44 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
The obvious answer would be, you are just talking to people because you are a social guy.
I agree, Can someone help me out though?
facebook-opener-vt59368.html
Author:  Wurmwood [ Wed Jan 06, 2010 3:33 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
The obvious answer would be, you are just talking to people because you are a social guy.
That's actually an intriguing answer, but I think I need a few examples. What do you say to a woman to communicate that you're a social guy that doesn't fall into the three categories we've established here?
Author:  tov [ Wed Jan 06, 2010 10:07 am ]
Post subject: 
What is wrong with wanting to get to know someone? When I go into a set, all I say is Hi! I don't use opinion openers anymore. I don't try to mask the fact that I think this girl is attractive. The difference in my approach and the one that many guys in the Community shun away from is that my approach isn't coming from a "needy" frame. I come from the frame of "me talking to this attractive woman is normal for me. I do this all the time." Sometimes the girl will ask me why I am talking to them and I will almost always say "Because you are a gorgeous girl. But, we both know that beauty is common. I was hoping to see something else behind those eyes of yours." Flag me if you will, but this approach and frame have worked for me.

So, my point of all this is, you are opening her because you want to get to know her, see if she meets your standards and if she holds the qualities that you want in a girl.
Author:  LaVitaèBreve [ Thu Jan 07, 2010 3:33 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
you'll be rejected like a golfball in front of Tiger Woods: Quick, hard and far far away.
LMFAO

Lately I've been going more direct in my openers, trying new things that feel more natural to me. I agree with Tov, being direct can be very successful if you work it right.
Author:  Jude Fox [ Tue Jan 12, 2010 1:32 pm ]
Post subject: 
i agree with that, i tend to go for the opinion openers because it suits my body language / personality, whereas one of my pua wings can go upto a girl and say 'hey , you look my sort of girl, i think we'd have fun, lets dance'
.. the lines he plays are sometimes as direct as a brick to the face but it works for him. doesnt really matter what yu say as long as you are comfortable with yourself.
Author:  SlickJ18 [ Wed Jan 13, 2010 12:22 am ]
Post subject: 
but if they say something like oh.. or haha cool, what would you follow up with?
Quote:
The obvious answer would be, you are just talking to people because
you are a social guy.
Author:  kasabi [ Wed Jan 13, 2010 10:18 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Why are you talking to me?
Quote:
The obvious answer can't be the frame for an opener.
If this is OBVIOUS to you, then why are you trying to FRAME FOR AN OPENER?
Quote:
A) You want their opinion.
B) You want their help with something.
C) You want to comment on something they're wearing, carrying, or doing.
Quote:
You can't let people know you're talking to them because you want to get to know them, right?


Really? If a hot girl came over to you and told you that you look really cool and she'd love to get to know you, would you get pissed off? OF COURSE girls want guys to come over to make them feel that they are beautiful and interesting enough to "get to know". And OF COURSE you are talking to them because you want to get to know them. Stick to what you know to be true.

For now, take the "sex" out of the picture. How did you meet your male friends and why? What sparks a conversation? Same concept applies to women . . . only it's even easier once you figure out the "sex" component later on.
Author:  Chief [ Wed Jan 13, 2010 12:36 pm ]
Post subject: 
You sound like a guy who doesn't know how to give a woman an orgasm.

Learn how to be great in bed, then see how that affects your mentality about approaching.

I know you wouldn't believe this, but women love sex. They REALLY love it. It feels REALLY good for them. And, if society wouldn't judge them so harshly about it, they would have sex with random guys very very often.

Women also love stuff like chocolate. If you were to give a random woman a tasty chocolate dessert, they'd be thrilled if they didn't suspect an ulterior motive.

Women respond negatively to a lot of guys approaching them sexually because those guys are "creepy." They are "creepy" because they have the ulterior motive of trying to validate their ego or trying to get the love and affection mommy never gave them.

If you just approach women purely sexually without an ulterior motive like that, a lot of them will actually be mature enough to be totally cool with that.
Author:  kasabi [ Wed Jan 13, 2010 2:53 pm ]
Post subject: 
Chief,

True, but the advice probably doesn't fit the situation. How do you suggest the OP gains sexual experience? And without this experience, how do you suppose he'll approach women with s strong sexual frame?

HIS sexual life IS sexual weirdness. If he goes 100% sexual, it's 100% weird. There is no way to "rah-rah" through this.

Take the "weird" right out of it for now. Women love sex and chocolate. . . yes. Women also LOVE to meet men. They LOVE to be approached. They love it when a random man finds her attractive enough to "open up" to them. Give this to them without any ulterior motive. Do this over, over, and over again. Get used to the idea that two people meeting is just a natural occurrence.
Author:  tov [ Wed Jan 13, 2010 3:01 pm ]
Post subject: 
snip
Quote:
Chief...

...Get used to the idea that two people meeting is just a natural occurrence.
Exactly. That was my whole point. You have to realize that these things happen over and over again. Meeting new people is like tying my shoes. It is going to happen today. It is going to happen tomorrow. What I don't understand is the reasoning for opinion openers anymore. It was fine when we thought that women were better than use and we had to "show" them that they weren't. I think it was David D that said we aren't better, we aren't worse, we are equal. I go into every set with that frame, along with the frame of me being a man that holds the key to her sexual and emotional ecstasy. I give that key to the women that I deem worthy.
Author:  Conker [ Thu Jan 14, 2010 3:38 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Why are you talking to me?
Quote:
You can't let people know you're talking to them because you want to get to know them, right?
You're wrong. The only reason a guy approaches a girl is cause he's interested. If you try to behave any other way, you're kidding yourself, and you're not fooling them.

I approach every girl with "What're you shopping for today" or whatever happens to be the situation, and if there's nothing and it's a boring situation, I can just open with "How are you going" or something similar.

They instantly light up and they appreciate the honesty of my approach. No one likes someone who has ulterior motives.
Author:  Chief [ Thu Jan 14, 2010 6:33 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Chief,

True, but the advice probably doesn't fit the situation. How do you suggest the OP gains sexual experience? And without this experience, how do you suppose he'll approach women with s strong sexual frame?
This might be partially mental masturbation, but I've found that even just studying sexual skill from material by David Shade, Steve Piccus, Daniel Rose, and etc. helped me with my confidence.
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