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Lets talk about body language...
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Author:  karpster [ Tue Jan 13, 2009 12:24 am ]
Post subject:  Lets talk about body language...
Eye Contact:

I'm confused as to which demonstrates CONFIDENCE and HSV:

One book I'm reading suggests to make eye contact when YOU'RE talking to her, but to avert the eyes when she is talking to you. This can be done by exposing your chin to her and kind of looking down. The author relates this to parent's saying "Look at me when I'm talking to you." In this situation it makes the child feel weak.

On the other hand, David Deangelo suggests, in a particular situation he describes, that it is the other way around. For instance, he says when the man is talking to the woman with arms open, relaxed, and making eye contact with the woman, and the woman has closed arms and is not making eye contact, then the woman has HSV.

I'm confused..

Next:

Leading, or walking calmly?

I find it very hard to walk slowly, with a high chest and be able to lead at the same time. Normally my pace will be set a little higher than the girls so I make sure she is behind me. Sometimes I'll let her catch up and walk side by side, but most times I lead. Can I get some input on this?

Next: Thumbs in back pocket.
One book I read suggests that this shows a high level of confidence because you're fully exposing yourself. Any opinions?

Thanks guys.
Author:  Agent Whore 32 [ Tue Jan 13, 2009 8:14 pm ]
Post subject: 
first of all, is the first book even part of pua material?
chin up and your looking at her from above, what if the girl is taller then you
either way dont do it, youll be looking like a total pompous dick
my boss is like that and he looks like a stuck up erect dick, like hes trying to show me the inside of his nose

hmm its good to lead but in decision making and conversation and sex sometimes (depending on the girl), when you walk ahead of her doesnt it kind of get in your way of talking to her comfortably?

and hands in pocket? no thats like your hiding something in your hands, like your cards are folded in your pocket and you have something your not showing
pua's are calm "cards out on the table supposedly cuz no one knows what goes on in our masterplan genious lunatic constructures of a plan in the moment"

you could have researched this easily
Author:  Drakelet [ Tue Jan 13, 2009 9:12 pm ]
Post subject: 
Just do what you feel natural doing.

This year I'm trying to always look into peoples' eyes, because I never really have before. I look away now and again because a lot of people don't seem confident with much eye contact. I don't care if I'm speaking or they're speaking, just when it feels right.
Just have some and don't stare.

Walking, I just walk as I want. Normally ends up being just in front of the girl, don't know why. But I don't walk too fast unless I'm trying to look like I'm busy/need to get somewhere/important (which is normally because I am).
Just don't run or waddle.

Hands, I normally try to keep them out of my pockets. If they aren't, I sometimes put thumb in pocket or belt only, or sometimes first and second fingers, or sometimes thumbs in back pockets. Again, it's whatever I feel like.
Just don't have you hands thrust deep in your pockets all the time.
Author:  karpster [ Thu Jan 15, 2009 6:53 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thanks for the great advice guys, but to the first responder, it's not hands in back pockets it's thumbs. Try doing it in the mirror, its communicating "Hey, I'm fully exposed and can take anything you throw at me." At least this is the impression I get.

Most the time when I talk, my legs are shoulder width, arms are out to the side, and my eyes are looking right at there's. Sometimes, I'll occassionally turn my head to 'punish' a certain behavior of theirs. Most times, until they become engaged in a conversation, my body is turned to the side. Once they open up and start expressing themselves, I'll turn to them (as to reward them).

Really, when it comes down to talking to people, it's all about the system of punishment and reward.

Sure, there are many views about these things on the internet, but alot of things always have two sides. I wanted to ask people on this forum what they find works best.



Not to digress, but I have a really bad time telling an INTERESTING story. I mean, what the hell do you have to do? I use voice inflexion, I use my arms, I visualize everything in my head and tell her what I'm seeing. Are there any books out there that help with telling an interesting story?

I read books, novels, sci-fi, romance, PUA material, etc... I'm a voracious reader. BTW, is it ok to use BIG words with women? Should things be kept simple?
Author:  jurupa [ Fri Jan 16, 2009 8:24 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Thanks for the great advice guys, but to the first responder, it's not hands in back pockets it's thumbs. Try doing it in the mirror, its communicating "Hey, I'm fully exposed and can take anything you throw at me." At least this is the impression I get.
Its far better to have your hands or thumbs in your front pockets than your back ones. As it shows you have nothing to hide, and your comfortable, and your open (assuming your arms are relax and its not cold out).
Quote:
Most the time when I talk, my legs are shoulder width, arms are out to the side, and my eyes are looking right at there's. Sometimes, I'll occassionally turn my head to 'punish' a certain behavior of theirs. Most times, until they become engaged in a conversation, my body is turned to the side. Once they open up and start expressing themselves, I'll turn to them (as to reward them).
I think it is stupid to punish via body language, but that is just me. I see why you may want to talk with your side to them, but thay can easily covey to the girl(s) that your not really that interested in the conversation in turn making them not that interested in talking to you.
Quote:
Really, when it comes down to talking to people, it's all about the system of punishment and reward.
I disagree greatly. As I think it is all about reading their body language and reacting to it. As you can not punish nor reward without reading their body language and what they are saying.
Quote:
Sure, there are many views about these things on the internet, but alot of things always have two sides. I wanted to ask people on this forum what they find works best.
What I have found works best for me is to read the girl and the environment and base my body language from that. As no two girls are ever the same when it comes to body language and I feel that it is best to read them and then go from there. Have a set behavior/pattern, I think will go against you more as it does not allow for as much flexibility.

Quote:
Not to digress, but I have a really bad time telling an INTERESTING story. I mean, what the hell do you have to do? I use voice inflexion, I use my arms, I visualize everything in my head and tell her what I'm seeing. Are there any books out there that help with telling an interesting story?
Limit how much you use your arms and use your hands more. Also when you are telling the story get into it. Meaning be interested in the story itself and be excited about it. Also change up the "tempo" of the story as you are telling it. And throw in some details as well, especially if they are emotional.
Quote:
I read books, novels, sci-fi, romance, PUA material, etc... I'm a voracious reader. BTW, is it ok to use BIG words with women? Should things be kept simple?
You may want to read the news, and articles on anything as well as books. As far as big words goes. I say that more depends on your audience and what you are talking about. But in general I say KISS, Keep It Simple Stupid.
Author:  Ethan Hewitt [ Wed Jan 21, 2009 1:49 am ]
Post subject: 
I'm really interested in body langauge and find I'm conciously aware of what I'm doing and in fact checking out other people, seeing what they're doing well and how they could improve. Had quite a few people ask me for tips and advice, especially the girls hehe.

Eye contact is very important, I'll make eye contact when I'm talking to her or if shes talking to me, but not all the time, I'll sometimes gaze into her eyes, or look through her so it doesn't appear that I'm staring which can be very uncomfortable for some people. I will also break eye contact and look elsewhere around the room if she is saying something that doesn't interest me or I don't wish to talk about it, you might say that this is a form of punishing and rewarding, I think it's subtle without saying anything.

For my walk, I'd like more info if anyone has it about the model's strut along the catwalk, I understand it's about arms swinging at the side at the right tempo, eyes looking out on the horizon, and twisting your torso as you walk with large strides, not too long Monthy Python style and don't speed walk neither, maintain a smooth and comfortable pace.

I would say that leading is important especially in groups, depends on the girl as to whether you do this, I was on a date the other day and the girl was showing me around loads of art studios, she was the one leading, I couldn't keep up with her going down stairs and around and around the floors, but I just kept up with some C&F comments at the same time about it.
Author:  Rhum [ Wed Jan 21, 2009 1:38 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
Most the time when I talk, my legs are shoulder width, arms are out to the side, and my eyes are looking right at there's. Sometimes, I'll occassionally turn my head to 'punish' a certain behavior of theirs. Most times, until they become engaged in a conversation, my body is turned to the side. Once they open up and start expressing themselves, I'll turn to them (as to reward them).
I think it is stupid to punish via body language, but that is just me. I see why you may want to talk with your side to them, but thay can easily covey to the girl(s) that your not really that interested in the conversation in turn making them not that interested in talking to you.
One of the most basic rules is to have the side of the body facing the target. The reason for this is that if you have your body fully facing them then you convey too much interest for no reason. The reason you shouldn't do this is because other then her looks she is nothing more meaning that unless she has something interesting to say you body should be on its side. Mystery also tells us that the reason you don't have your body facing forward is because you look threatening. (Trying walking up to someone shorter then you really close and looking down on them. They will be scared. Then try doing it from the side of your body. They won't be threatened). So no, it is not what you call 'stupid'.

Also, punishment by body language is a good idea but you don't use it until the first 15 minutes of the conversation has passed which means you should be in the comfort phase. During the entire attraction punishment by body language will probably go unnoticed and you will make her lose interest because you haven't built enough attraction.
Author:  jurupa [ Thu Jan 22, 2009 11:14 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
The reason for this is that if you have your body fully facing them then you convey too much interest for no reason. The reason you shouldn't do this is because other then her looks she is nothing more meaning that unless she has something interesting to say you body should be on its side.
I understand and agree with this. But for me I have found this to almost counter it self as I am for the most part looking down on people. And girls in general tend not to react well to this. So instead I turn my body so that I am not completely facing them but not totally having my side facing them either. Basically I am at a 45 degree angle. I have found this works best for me when I first approach girls. As I am still conveying that I am not that interested in her yet and that I willing to bounce at anytime as I have not "closed" my body yet. As part of it is still "open".
Quote:
Mystery also tells us that the reason you don't have your body facing forward is because you look threatening. (Trying walking up to someone shorter then you really close and looking down on them. They will be scared. Then try doing it from the side of your body. They won't be threatened). So no, it is not what you call 'stupid'.
I am 6'6" so I think I have an idea to how height can effect people :wink:
Quote:
Also, punishment by body language is a good idea but you don't use it until the first 15 minutes of the conversation has passed which means you should be in the comfort phase. During the entire attraction punishment by body language will probably go unnoticed and you will make her lose interest because you haven't built enough attraction.
But why is it a good idea?
Author:  niite [ Thu Jan 22, 2009 6:20 pm ]
Post subject: 
Is it safe to say that you should maintain eye contact until she looks away? I read that you never want to look down but passed her. Do you guys agree? I feel eye contact is my weakest point.
Author:  The Big Bad Wolf [ Thu Jan 22, 2009 8:54 pm ]
Post subject: 
Eye Contact
You keep eye contact while you speak to her. This shows you are important, and that you are sure of what you are communicating.

When it comes to looking away while she speaks, I think it may be easier to think that you look at her 1/3-2/3 of the time, but allow other things to enter your field of attention if she is not entertaining you.
Look at her if she's interesting, look less if she's not.

How you balance it is not as important as just being able to maintain normal straight-forward eye contact, and demonstrate that your focus lies within this conversation that you are currently having, and not bouncing around inside your head and all other places.


Leading or walking Calmly..
Both.

Don't rush your gait.
Walk in the exact tempo that you find comfortable, the world is not rushing past. There is no need to hurry. You should be able to take your time.
If the girl is rushed, neg her for it.
If there's a reason to walk quicker, well, then you do it, but you do that because of something in particular, not because you are stressed with the situation.
Again: Take <i> YOUR </i> time. not hers, not the worlds, your time.

The hooking of thumbs in the back pocket.
The key here is that you, by hooking your thumbs in the <i> back </i> pockets you force your body-language, in specific, your shoulders, to open.
It's about giving out the Alpha-vibe.

Hands in pockets is generally a no-no. But the reason for this is that normally this causes a closed Body-language.

Again, this tip,( I think it is from RSD, but I'm not sure on that so don't take me seriously. ) focus on opening body language, by the act of hooking your thumbs in your back pockets.

Remember the focus here is on relaxing your shoulders, in an open, inviting position.
This is the only thing it does.
It has nothing to do with your thumbs in your pockets, just your shoulders.

A good body-language is powerful. Non-verbal communication overpowers the verbal. (incongruence between verbal and non-verbal is bad. So if you have a super smooth tongue, but a shitty attitude and non-verbal communication. What your body says will be what she judges you by 90% of the time if not more often)

Cheers!
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