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Need help I think I'm "intimidating" to women
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Author:  Dmader [ Sun Dec 28, 2008 12:24 am ]
Post subject:  Need help I think I'm "intimidating" to women
Due to my size and overall demeanor I think women are either slightly afraid of me lol, or they are intimidated not sure...

I'm never approached by women the ones I do succeed at opening with always tell me how hot they think i am blah blah blah.. Well a long time friend of mine who happens to be my hair dresser now. She told me that girls are afraid to approach me and that she had a crush on me forever but didn't think she had a chance so she never mentioned it or acted on it.

Should I throw up a pic or something and let you guys tell me who should be change to lesson this?

Thanks...

-Derrick
Author:  Ezo [ Sun Dec 28, 2008 1:05 am ]
Post subject: 
Ok, try to imagine how it is to be a girl... You get approached by this person coming up to you. If you are not perfectly clear that his intentions are honorable you are gonne be intimidated. He is bigger and stronger than you and could kill you easily. You also need to remember that if he is attracted to you and you have to refuse him he might cause you trouble. You dont want to piss a big strong guy off. You just need to get rid of him ASAP. Either by pretend that you didnt hear him or tell him to go away before it is too late.

We need to approach carefully and NOT show interest until she feels comfortable.
Author:  Dmader [ Sun Dec 28, 2008 1:09 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Ok, try to imagine how it is to be a girl... You get approached by this person coming up to you. If you are not perfectly clear that his intentions are honorable you are gonne be intimidated. He is bigger and stronger than you and could kill you easily. You also need to remember that if he is attracted to you and you have to refuse him he might cause you trouble. You dont want to piss a big strong guy off. You just need to get rid of him ASAP. Either by pretend that you didnt hear him or tell him to go away before it is too late.

We need to approach carefully and NOT show interest until she feels comfortable.

That makes sense never really thought to look at it in that manner. So its best to be distant like when approaching?
Author:  Ezo [ Sun Dec 28, 2008 1:20 am ]
Post subject: 
Not distant. Just dont show her that it means too much to you if she talks to you or not. Show her that you discovered her group by accident, coincidence. In your case, if you are intimidating, open mixed sets, open the guys and be overly friendly to them, this will open the girls up as well. Mind your bodylanguage, you probably heard that before.
Open over the shoulder, maybe a false time constraint, smile SMILE!!!! Look as if you are just passing through.
Author:  hurley509 [ Sun Dec 28, 2008 7:14 am ]
Post subject: 
In hindsight i think i might be experiencing the same thing without even realising it. I mean, im 6 foot 3 and fairly well built and goodlooking. some of my sisters freinds said that i look like i could snap a guy in half... now, to be honest i never ever saw that in myself.. I am a big puppy dog essentially. but i think girls might shut me down before speaking to me because of intimidation... but once im in convo they kind of know im all good.
Author:  jurupa [ Sun Dec 28, 2008 9:33 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
In hindsight i think i might be experiencing the same thing without even realising it. I mean, im 6 foot 3 and fairly well built and goodlooking. some of my sisters freinds said that i look like i could snap a guy in half... now, to be honest i never ever saw that in myself.. I am a big puppy dog essentially. but i think girls might shut me down before speaking to me because of intimidation... but once im in convo they kind of know im all good.
I am going to bet that when you walk and stand your body is stiff and has a serious tone to it. Try walking and standing in more casual/loose postures. For example when your walking let your arms sway freely and don't stand totally straight when you are standing either lean back a tad or learn forward.
Author:  wisconsinman [ Sun Dec 28, 2008 7:27 pm ]
Post subject: 
Don't worry about it, its really easy to fix. I have the same problem as you I use this trick to help me out though.
Every time you see a girl you want to pick up, repeat to yourself over and over you are loose, you are friendly. Try and come off as something else besides intimidating.
Lets say theres an imaginary intimidating chart and its from level 1 to 10, if your intimidating on a level 6, then your going to have to be friendly on a level 7 or funny on a level 8 to try and block out your intimidatingness (I know its not a word but I dont care) ;-)
What I do care about is if you understand the concept?
Author:  SeanMessenger [ Sun Dec 28, 2008 7:43 pm ]
Post subject: 
Make her feel SAFE first.

Smile. Look approachable and kind.

I can be as scary-looking as they get. I'm 250 lbs and my arms are pretty covered with tattoos. And girls think I am the most adorable big sexy bear evah.

Took a lot of practice tho. Check out my hidden cam videos in the Video thread here to see what it looks like for a big guy to look approachable.
sean-messenger-infield-4-girls-no-wing-vt35434.html
Author:  Dmader [ Sun Dec 28, 2008 8:34 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
In hindsight i think i might be experiencing the same thing without even realising it. I mean, im 6 foot 3 and fairly well built and goodlooking. some of my sisters freinds said that i look like i could snap a guy in half... now, to be honest i never ever saw that in myself.. I am a big puppy dog essentially. but i think girls might shut me down before speaking to me because of intimidation... but once im in convo they kind of know im all good.
I am going to bet that when you walk and stand your body is stiff and has a serious tone to it. Try walking and standing in more casual/loose postures. For example when your walking let your arms sway freely and don't stand totally straight when you are standing either lean back a tad or learn forward.

Thats exactly it too... I think that's part why i have problems opening. I will try and work on the posture as you guys mentioned.
Author:  Dmader [ Sun Dec 28, 2008 8:53 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Make her feel SAFE first.

Smile. Look approachable and kind.

I can be as scary-looking as they get. I'm 250 lbs and my arms are pretty covered with tattoos. And girls think I am the most adorable big sexy bear evah.

Took a lot of practice tho. Check out my hidden cam videos in the Video thread here to see what it looks like for a big guy to look approachable.
sean-messenger-infield-4-girls-no-wing-vt35434.html
I see what you mean by coming off as a "teddy bear"... My body language must be way off and I know I need to smile more.

It hard to pick out your own mistakes without a wing or someone to tell you you did this this and this wrong or change this an this. Almost makes me wish i could somehow film myself so I could review and learn from it..
Author:  SeanMessenger [ Sun Dec 28, 2008 10:13 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
Make her feel SAFE first.

Smile. Look approachable and kind.

I can be as scary-looking as they get. I'm 250 lbs and my arms are pretty covered with tattoos. And girls think I am the most adorable big sexy bear evah.

Took a lot of practice tho. Check out my hidden cam videos in the Video thread here to see what it looks like for a big guy to look approachable.
sean-messenger-infield-4-girls-no-wing-vt35434.html
I see what you mean by coming off as a "teddy bear"... My body language must be way off and I know I need to smile more.

It hard to pick out your own mistakes without a wing or someone to tell you you did this this and this wrong or change this an this. Almost makes me wish i could somehow film myself so I could review and learn from it..
so do it. you don't need a bootcamp for that. you can ask a female friend to help you and practice your approaches on her. or hell, just do it in a mirror and you'll see what is there.
Author:  Jaybot [ Sun Dec 28, 2008 10:33 pm ]
Post subject: 
I think I have a strange intimidating vibe, not in a mean kinda way more of an edgy unpredictable way. It means club girls do not approach me but if I hit a rock bar or anywhere with musicians it just seems to make sense. I also think a little fear/apprehension can add to the emotion of the situation.

Also I was laughing my ass off at the infield video with the girl that went to duke lol "what could be the worst thing" classic and well played
Author:  Dmader [ Mon Dec 29, 2008 4:00 am ]
Post subject: 
In my upbringing I have become a go getter. If I want something I get it, if someone tells me I can't I go do it so on and so fourth...

I've always succeeded with great results in everything I've done from rowing at a national level in higher weight class to be competitive with sponsored race cars on my college budget...

I work very well and responded to being pressured it makes me excell.

So after sitting her like a chump I said fuck it and decided I'm going to go sit somewhere there is lots of girl traffic tonight, read a book and make as much eye contact and smile to address my body language and aura if you wish to put it.

I went to a local coffee chop sat down and was reading Styles diary that comes with the game....

Every single girl that walked in I made eye contact with shot a lil non cocky smile.. even lipped hi to the ones that responded well.

After about the third of fourth chick I felt really good about myself and the results I got. It got to the point where I didn't care who it was or who she was with. I had one chick blushing and smiling so much her boyfriend caught notice, got pissed, got up and walked out. At that point I just shot her a smirk as she fled to chase him out lol

I feel great about myself right now.. I sat on a couch alone reading my book with a very comfortable "laid out posture" (James Dean like if you need a mental picture)

Never had I had such great response from something so simple. Tomorrow at work I'm gunna work on this ever more until I'm very comfortable with it and only then will I try to open sets with it.

I figure a few steps back to take a huge leap forward building confidence as I go. I'm SHIT is how I feel right now.
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