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Newbie Mistake : how to correct the situation ?
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Author:  michaeln [ Mon Jun 03, 2013 7:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Newbie Mistake : how to correct the situation ?
Hi All

First of all, thank you for sharing your experience and expertise : you really don't know how much is this useful for all the people that are trying to 'connect'.
Now my question :)
I f***d up big time today and I would really have some advice from you. I invited some girl (a coworker) to a concert last Saturday. She accepted and sent me her answer by email. We've been flirting for some time now (months!). Happy as I was, I made the error of answering her to tell how much I appreciate it, and that I find her attractive and liked her personality, and I would like to know her more. Today, the obvious thing happened : she freaked out and sent me an email to tell me that she could not come because her bf wouldn't like it (and I KNOW she doesn't have one for sure). So I answered her telling her that it is ok, and that I would like to at least keep her as friend (saving some dignity :$).

I really like her, is there any way to correct this situation ? is it 'done' for good ?
Author:  Jay (Majik) [ Mon Jun 03, 2013 7:46 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Newbie Mistake : how to correct the situation ?
You showed her that you were interested in her before she showed that she was interested in you... You have activated the "ew" switch... Onto the next one.
Author:  michaeln [ Mon Jun 03, 2013 8:37 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Newbie Mistake : how to correct the situation ?
Thank you TheMajikalMethod.

I'm sorry to say 'I knew it' !!
screw this, I really liked her :( Why O Why did I need to do this with the one that I really liked and wanted to stay in my life as long as possible ?
It's almost as if the more we like the girl, the bigger the chances to screw up are.

Well I suppose I need to find a way to forget this and move on. (won't be easy since she's a coworker).

Thank you again TheMajikalMethod.
Author:  skillset`fgscbbdf [ Tue Jun 04, 2013 6:33 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Newbie Mistake : how to correct the situation ?
If you want her back here's how you do it:

turn off her "ew" switch by flipping the pre-selection switch in her head. Show her that you are pre selected by other girls and spend more time with other girls than her, she will sense jealousy and like the great Mystery says: "a woman doesnt really love you untill they feel jealousy". But donot make it too obvious that your making her jealous cause shell think that you're just getting back at her. and when you're with her Have lots of value!!! and donot lower your value EVER!!!!!! These actions will make you seem like the alpha male and she will(if you done it right) Have attraction for you agan!!

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Author:  RockstarPUA [ Tue Jun 04, 2013 12:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Newbie Mistake : how to correct the situation ?
First off mate, good for you for having the balls to be upfront and honest. but it was premature. You should have waited till you were at the concert or afterwards after judging her interest level. But that's hindsight.

My advice would be...

Do not act differently now. You can't let her think her rejection has bothered you in the slightest. If she acts strange, don't let her know you've noticed. Give it a bit of time then ask her out for a drink with you and some mates. But if you can, make it a mixed set. Preferably with girls you feel comfortable flirting and being playful with. And more importantly, be sure to bring guys you feel superior to. You need to be top dog. If they're good friends, perhaps brief them first. Hell, offer to buy their drinks if you have to. If you're at a table, sit at the head. Everyone should be pointing towards you. Crack some jokes, tell stories that include dhv's. Even get you're friends to tell stories that show your value. also, the first half of the night, don't pay her too much attention. Maybe throw some negs her way. Do not make the night about her. You've gone out for a drink with your friends, she's lucky enough to have been asked along. You could even try forward merging into other sets. Bring in some unfamiliar girls into your group. As a previous comment said, you want to trigger jealousy. Then after a sufficiant amount of time you can pay more attention to her. By this time she should be craving it.

So just remember, be fun and sociable, and most of all alpha!

Another tip I'd add is, try and alter your appearance slightly. I.e style your hair differently or wear a style of clothing you don't usually wear. You want to separate yourself from the guy who told her how you felt about her. She'l recognise this either consciously or unconcsiously. She sees you all the time at work, but outside work you're the motherfucking man!

Hope this helps. I'm routing for you buddy!
Author:  worldrunner [ Thu Jun 06, 2013 2:08 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Newbie Mistake : how to correct the situation ?
You fucked up not by telling her how you feel, actually you did great there, nice job it takes some balls to say that!

You fucked up by accepting her BS... Most of the times when you escalate you'll have resistance and women will come up with some BS... depending on how you handle the BS you'll end up with her or not...

If you are sure that she has no BF you should have told her: "Hey if you do not want to come it is ok, I might not like it and feel bad about it but it is your decision and I respect that... Just don't lie to me about your imaginary BF, that's really not acceptable. If you care about a good and honest friendship you better apologize, if not don't even think about calling me again, I do not want to deal with liars"

If you do not know her much and she comes up with some BS excuse you can reply with a funny comment pretending she did not say anything and continue as normal...

If she is a friend already don't let her BS you, that is what shows high value and being alpha... not showing how social you are, how good you can neg her, etc.
Quote:
So I answered her telling her that it is ok, and that I would like to at least keep her as friend (saving some dignity :$).

Supplicating a Liar to be at least your friend? is that what you think about saving some dignity? Showing what kind of a wimp you are?
Sorry for being harsh but she will and should never respect you for that.

Next time be a man and do not let women BS you.
Author:  michaeln [ Thu Jun 06, 2013 11:54 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Newbie Mistake : how to correct the situation ?
Thank you for your feedback guys : I REALLY appreciate it.
Knowing where I did fuck up will help me learn and not reproduce the same errors again.
Quote:
Supplicating a Liar to be at least your friend? is that what you think about saving some dignity? Showing what kind of a wimp you are?
Sorry for being harsh but she will and should never respect you for that.
Next time be a man and do not let women BS you.
It is harsh, but I deserve it : I should never accept disrespect from any women (or man). I let my feeling for her control me, not my brain or my goals. No woman is worth what I've done. After thinking it over and over again, I decided she's not worth the hassle. I knew exactly what I wanted back then, but she didn't. Too bad for her, I'm moving on.
I think I'd better keep all the energy I lost for her because of my weakness to myself, improving my inner game and working on my technique.
I'll give it a try with another woman soon, but I'm not considering her as a serious option anymore. Even if I get to her, she'll probably keep a negative image of me, and honestly, I'm seriously starting to believe I deserve better than this (not a liar/disrespectful).

By the way, she sent me an email the day after, telling me that now that everything is clear (meaning the 'fact' that she has a BF), there's no problem if we go have a drink together one of these days (alone, no mention of other friends). My answer was (again tooo nice/wussy, but old habits die f***g hard :(, sure no problem :yours, friendly.

I keep ignoring her from that day and acting as if nothing ever happened.
This is one harsh lesson I have to learn : it's not easy, but I have to make it if I want to correct/improve this area of my life.

Again, any suggestions/comments/advice are most welcome guys
Author:  worldrunner [ Fri Jun 07, 2013 8:08 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Newbie Mistake : how to correct the situation ?
Act angry and distance on the date :)
Author:  User13247 [ Fri Jun 07, 2013 9:40 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Newbie Mistake : how to correct the situation ?
She's stated that she has no interest in sleeping with you (because she has a boyfriend, or for some other reason), so it's time to move on to a different girl. Who knows, maybe this one will change her mind, but who cares. There are 3 billion women in the world, plenty of fish in the sea.
Quote:
Act angry and distance on the date :)
Uhm, do that if you want to ruin your friendship. Don't act differently than you would normally.
Author:  worldrunner [ Fri Jun 07, 2013 10:13 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Newbie Mistake : how to correct the situation ?
Quote:
She's stated that she has no interest in sleeping with you (because she has a boyfriend, or for some other reason), so it's time to move on to a different girl. Who knows, maybe this one will change her mind, but who cares. There are 3 billion women in the world, plenty of fish in the sea.

worldrunner wrote:
Act angry and distance on the date

Uhm, do that if you want to ruin your friendship. Don't act differently than you would normally.

You'll act angry and distant because she lied to you, and because she is making you pay the consequences of her not being able to make up her mind...

Is her fault, you STILL HAVE a LOT of CHANCES with her, just show that you have some standards and dignity, and that she should fit into those standards if she wants to continue to be with you.

If she ask you why are you acting that way, explain it to her.

That what she is throwing to you are the real tests, and is because she is thinking about you both being together, she is scared and not certain about what type of man you are, so unconsciously she is really testing your character, seeing if you will break under pressure or not, you can still win her, just put your rules on the table, and show that you are strong enough to stay with integrity and dignity in difficult times.... She needs that in order to feel safe with you, that's why she is acting that way without even knowing.
Author:  michaeln [ Mon Jun 10, 2013 9:42 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Newbie Mistake : how to correct the situation ?
Quote:
Quote:
You'll act angry and distant because she lied to you, and because she is making you pay the consequences of her not being able to make up her mind...

Is her fault, you STILL HAVE a LOT of CHANCES with her, just show that you have some standards and dignity, and that she should fit into those standards if she wants to continue to be with you.

If she ask you why are you acting that way, explain it to her.

That what she is throwing to you are the real tests, and is because she is thinking about you both being together, she is scared and not certain about what type of man you are, so unconsciously she is really testing your character, seeing if you will break under pressure or not, you can still win her, just put your rules on the table, and show that you are strong enough to stay with integrity and dignity in difficult times.... She needs that in order to feel safe with you, that's why she is acting that way without even knowing.
Thank you for the advice worldrunner : understanding how she thinks helps me 'calming' my anger. Rejection is a bitch, and I'm tempted to just say 'screw the bitch' and move to the next one (I actually did). But it may be interesting to try going on with her for the sake of learning (and for the sex of course, sorry If I'm rude). I don't have 'long term' interest in her anymore, but the challenge may be worthwhile.

I ignored her for the last week, while acting normal, as if nothing happened. I also tried to show her that I'm independent and 'desired' (inviting other girls of my friends circle to a concert). And it seems to be working !
Now I'm going to wait and see (while continuing to approach interesting women and learning about my self).

If you, or anybody else, have any other tips or advices on additional steps, do not hesitate : your help is highly appreciated :)
Author:  User13247 [ Thu Jun 13, 2013 8:36 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Newbie Mistake : how to correct the situation ?
Quote:
You'll act angry and distant because she lied to you, and because she is making you pay the consequences of her not being able to make up her mind...
If you read the first post, it seems that she had already made up her mind not to go out with the OP.
Quote:
Is her fault, you STILL HAVE a LOT of CHANCES with her, just show that you have some standards and dignity, and that she should fit into those standards if she wants to continue to be with you.
Wishful thinking.
Quote:
That what she is throwing to you are the real tests, and is because she is thinking about you both being together, she is scared and not certain about what type of man you are, so unconsciously she is really testing your character, seeing if you will break under pressure or not, you can still win her, just put your rules on the table, and show that you are strong enough to stay with integrity and dignity in difficult times.... She needs that in order to feel safe with you, that's why she is acting that way without even knowing.
Speculation.
Quote:
Thank you for the advice worldrunner : understanding how she thinks helps me 'calming' my anger.
You think some random guy on the internet understands how this girl thinks better than herself? She emailed you that she cannot (or does not want) to go out with you. Why invest any effort in chasing a girl that has already said no?
Author:  JayMoe [ Sat Jun 15, 2013 10:01 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Newbie Mistake : how to correct the situation ?
so to clarify, you met this girl online and flirted for months?
Author:  Preston87 [ Sun Jun 16, 2013 1:42 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Newbie Mistake : how to correct the situation ?
You seem like a nice, classy guy - which unfortunately is not going to win you the attraction of many women these days.

Chicks dig flare and confidence <<< in moderation. You don't have to change who you are at the core by any means, remain a decent guy (not enough in the world!) - but when gaming, remember not to 'show your hand' as it were too early.

Like the others above me have said, here are the specific reasons telling a girl you really like her - before the first date - is bad:
1) You made her the prize instead of yourself - you should always try to start out on equal or higher footing than the girl if you want a chance. You immediately put yourself in a vulnerable position by revealing what you did.. and that by email too. Women are not attracted to vulnerable men, for the most part.
2) You possibly came off as needy or desperate for a girlfriend (I know it doesn't make sense because you were being direct and courteous - but it's just not the way to go these days.).
3) You killed the attraction, mystery and intrigue and possibly made the date awkward. By saying you really like someone - you inadvertently put pressure on them to be in a relationship with you. That would definitely scare some women away.


If I were you- I would move on. I don't think anything is salvageable here. Avoid oneitis and keep on moving, there are plenty of beautiful girls (in and out) who would love to have an apparently nice, decent guy like you. Just keep working on attraction and don't make the same mistake twice. :)
Author:  JayMoe [ Sun Jun 16, 2013 2:20 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Newbie Mistake : how to correct the situation ?
I should also clarify my thoughts. This is a coworker whom you flirted with for months via emails. This doesn't create attraction for a woman. With the exception of lame internet girls, 99% of women can flirt with guys in texts without giving it much thought. Creating attraction for women takes much more than simply making her laugh in a few texts. Chances are she's getting similar texts from guys shes friendzoned, and other guys who she probably will friendzone later on as well.

I am not trying to rip on you for this; I did the same once. Had a nice texting banter with a chick going, basically even had some texts where I got her to reveal her turnons, things she liked during sex, etc. But I made the stupid mistake of saying I had a crush on her. She actually got kinda pissy after that. I know now that I should have just taken her out, made it clear through my intentions. Anyways, best of luck. Onto the next one.
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