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Problems in approaching - I'm invisible.
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Author:  Willian Lenharo [ Mon Mar 04, 2013 11:10 pm ]
Post subject:  Problems in approaching - I'm invisible.
So, i'm finishing high school, and at my college, are hundreads of HBs (most of them HB7s or 9s).

Here's the problem: I'm walking, pretty confidently (i know body language does not lie, and therefore i can't just fake it, so i take a deep breath, and walk as relaxed as possible, i also avoid looking down.)

When an HB is coming, i just say a loud "Hi" and smile. I get no response, HBs just pretend i don't exist.
On the other hand, less attractive girls respond, some give a fake smile, others say "hi" and then turn their eyes away.

Or in some rare cases, they look at me with disguise and give a fake smile, i'm not bad looking, just shy (extreme fear of rejection).


I'm trying the Newbies' mission. Minimum to no success. (most of the time i catch myself giving off weak beta signals, like looking at the ground, retracted posture...)

What could i do to revert this?

I'm a newbie in this PUA lifestyle, i just got sick of being rejected.
Cheers!
Author:  DirectMike [ Mon Mar 04, 2013 11:30 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Problems in approaching - I'm invisible.
First of all you are off to a good start, even if you are just saying 'Hi'. That is a great step. Second of all, can the 'PUA'.

I am no fan of Yad, but his way of stopping girls is very effective so look up the 'Yad stop'. Read Mode One and that will help in how you should be, and add to that, Mr Currie is in fact a very nice guy who will help men out via online coaching for a pretty reasonable price.

However less direct conversation will be a good start if you are nervous about being very direct, but just do it for a short time as it'll just work as a means of making friends. Try and set a goal now to use the Yad stop and see what difference it makes.
Author:  Willian Lenharo [ Mon Mar 04, 2013 11:51 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Problems in approaching - I'm invisible.
Quote:
First of all you are off to a good start, even if you are just saying 'Hi'. That is a great step. Second of all, can the 'PUA'.

I am no fan of Yad, but his way of stopping girls is very effective so look up the 'Yad stop'. Read Mode One and that will help in how you should be, and add to that, Mr Currie is in fact a very nice guy who will help men out via online coaching for a pretty reasonable price.

However less direct conversation will be a good start if you are nervous about being very direct, but just do it for a short time as it'll just work as a means of making friends. Try and set a goal now to use the Yad stop and see what difference it makes.

Sorry, but what did you mean by "can the 'PUA' " ?
I did search the forum for Yad's stop, and found it really interesting. Will test this tomorrow at the college. Thanks.
Author:  DirectMike [ Mon Mar 04, 2013 11:57 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Problems in approaching - I'm invisible.
'Cause PUA is a load of shite.
Author:  Octave [ Tue Mar 05, 2013 10:35 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Problems in approaching - I'm invisible.
It maybe your tonality which is just as important as body language. Maybe you are not speaking loud enough when saying hello?
Author:  iLoveTurtles [ Tue Mar 05, 2013 1:23 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Problems in approaching - I'm invisible.
Go to your local shop, library and get a huge stack of business flyers or ads.

Your mission is to have pass them all out. Here are some tips, you need to know who you are going up and not just be spontaneous. Because you have a goal in mind, you will take larger meaningful strides. Next, making eye contact and flagging them down. Most people are submissive by nature and will stop if given a order, for example "hey, take this flyer". When done right, 99% of people will slow down and take your flyer.

Once you have a good ratio of people taking your flyer. Reapply what you do to approaching women on the streets. You need to know which one you're going for, walk over, establish eye contact. Flag her down if you have to and say hi.
Author:  worldrunner [ Tue Mar 05, 2013 2:35 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Problems in approaching - I'm invisible.
I haven't seen you doing that but my guess that it has to do with your attitude and timing.

The attitude should be... "I'll make her blush because when she'll give me eye contact, she'll find out that she likes me"
When I spot a girl at the distance that I want to say hi to her, I imagine her telling me in the ear:"Can we go to a quiet place now where I can give you a BJ?"

After that is all about timing, you follow her with your peripheral vision thinking about how naughty she is and if she is coming towards you at some point she will look at you and at that moment you turn your eyes and give her strong eye contact. 3 out of 10 times she will be the one saying "hi" first.

If you give her direct eye contact from far away she will do everything possible to ignore you... If you do it later she won't notice your "Hi"

I used to be invisible too... now I do this all the time is like my favorite sport when I'm out walking, I do not care about picking them up, just leave them with the smile... Yo never know you might meet them some other day and they'll open you...
Author:  andyredsox [ Wed Mar 06, 2013 8:19 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Problems in approaching - I'm invisible.
Just be natural, show them who you really are. Don’t be afraid of rejection, it is impossible that all of them will reject you. That is normal to them, because you are a newbie in their school. But if they know you better, you can met not just one hot girls. Just think positive.
Author:  Goldsword [ Sat Mar 09, 2013 11:21 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Problems in approaching - I'm invisible.
Quote:
First of all you are off to a good start, even if you are just saying 'Hi'. That is a great step. Second of all, can the 'PUA'. I am no fan of Yad, but his way of stopping girls is very effective so look up the 'Yad stop'
That is right just saying hi loudly will help you. I will also describe in detail the Yad stop for you. When you see a girl you like walking past you, let her walk on for a few more yards, then turn around and do a slow jog after her, pass her by at least 8 feet with your arm stuck out and turn, as you turn say; "Excuse me, can I say something really quickly?" By now you should be standing directly facing her and she should come to a stop with at least 4 to 5 feet between you. If she stops continue with: "I literally just saw you and thought you looked really nice, so I thought I would come and say hello". Or "I really like your style" while pointing to her clothes. More information here: http://yadpua.com
Author:  Hunter_Foxe [ Sat Mar 09, 2013 5:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Problems in approaching - I'm invisible.
It's not what you say but how you say it. You admit that you have extreme rejection fears. Girls can see this and can see you are nervous even though you're trying not to show it. Shouting "Hi!" in a loud voice from a distance is not true confident behaviour. It's weird behaviour which makes you look like you are over-compensating for your shyness by going to the other end of the extreme (loud / obnoxious)

Fix your confidence first, then start approaching. You're obviously not relaxed when you approach. How can you expect girls to be relaxed with you, if you're not relaxed yourself?
Author:  Willian Lenharo [ Sun Mar 10, 2013 12:17 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Problems in approaching - I'm invisible.
Quote:
It's not what you say but how you say it. You admit that you have extreme rejection fears. Girls can see this and can see you are nervous even though you're trying not to show it. Shouting "Hi!" in a loud voice from a distance is not true confident behaviour. It's weird behaviour which makes you look like you are over-compensating for your shyness by going to the other end of the extreme (loud / obnoxious)

Fix your confidence first, then start approaching. You're obviously not relaxed when you approach. How can you expect girls to be relaxed with you, if you're not relaxed yourself?

Yes, that's what i'm trying to do.
A bissexual girl (HB8) rejected me in favor of her girlfriend a few days ago...
e.g.: Rarely answers my text messages. I've been "friendzoned".

Sometimes she gives off signs of interest (or am i mixing things up?)

This did hurt a bit because i almost fell in love with her.
To help building up my confidence, today i started telling myself (mentally):

" I'm a man, i can satisfy all women on my classroom!"
(I know this sounds selfish, but now i believe/trust myself thanks to this 'mindset'.)

I consider my school as being my main test field.
And monday, i think i'll be ready to show the man i really am.

Wish me luck :D
Author:  JakeLewis [ Tue Mar 12, 2013 8:58 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Problems in approaching - I'm invisible.
Quote:
So, i'm finishing high school, and at my college, are hundreads of HBs (most of them HB7s or 9s).

Here's the problem: I'm walking, pretty confidently (i know body language does not lie, and therefore i can't just fake it, so i take a deep breath, and walk as relaxed as possible, i also avoid looking down.)

When an HB is coming, i just say a loud "Hi" and smile. I get no response, HBs just pretend i don't exist.
On the other hand, less attractive girls respond, some give a fake smile, others say "hi" and then turn their eyes away.

Or in some rare cases, they look at me with disguise and give a fake smile, i'm not bad looking, just shy (extreme fear of rejection).


I'm trying the Newbies' mission. Minimum to no success. (most of the time i catch myself giving off weak beta signals, like looking at the ground, retracted posture...)

What could i do to revert this?

I'm a newbie in this PUA lifestyle, i just got sick of being rejected.
Cheers!

You sound like you've only scratched the basics of body language - get Joe Navarro's - What Every Body is Saying, read read read. Being relaxed is not being confident, being relaxed is submissive, to alpha you have to walk confidently, you have to own the space you are in, not just be comfortable. Try writing down a few self affirmations and repeating them to yourself in your head at random times during the day (every time you hear a phone ring etc). Body Language is an expression of how you feel, if you feel relaxed and not confident you will not be confident, you will be relaxed until you hit your sticking point and then become stressed. Try not to fight the stress you feel during the approach or rejection, embrace it and eventually the stress you feel in those situations will dwindle to hardly anything.

If you think i'm just spouting off some random crap, i'm not, this is the exact same situation I had with Approach Anxiety, push through it and you'll find the thing you were scared off/stressed about isn't as bad as you thought, I actually enjoy approaching now, the pressue isn't on me, it's on them to entertain me, if they are boring I move on and find another set which I find more interesting, not just any girl that will do.

Hope this helps,

Jake
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