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| im feeling confident but never approaching... https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=51&t=154319 |
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| Author: | idoba [ Sun Jan 06, 2013 10:32 pm ] |
| Post subject: | im feeling confident but never approaching... |
My situation is that im feeling confident regarding my looks, personality, espacially my humour but the thing is that now im not taking part in any "organized phase of life" cause im working from home and I don't have the luxury of meeting girls naturally like in university or work place.. So after this short introduction my issue is that im having problems approaching to girls on both day and night game.. I can make excuses such as "my friends are also not approaching or having girlfriends" but it would be lame cause im feeling my problem is inner-game problem. How could it be that im feeling confident with both my looks and my personality but yet feeling unable to approach girls? Help would be very much appreciated! |
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| Author: | puaninja [ Mon Jan 07, 2013 2:50 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: im feeling confident but never approaching... |
AA has nothing to do with looks or personality. It's simply performance anxiety. What if I gave you the fastest racecar in the world then put you on the starting line at the Indy 500? Would you have anxiety? Of course you would, because even with the best equipment there is a huge pressure to perform well and succeed. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, has AA of some sort. It's just a matter of pushing through it. You don't even have to overcome it. You just have to learn to move past it, sort of like an obstacle that is always in your way that you find a way to continually circumvent. |
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| Author: | Epion [ Mon Jan 07, 2013 4:51 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: im feeling confident but never approaching... |
Quote: AA has nothing to do with looks or personality. It's simply performance anxiety. What if I gave you the fastest racecar in the world then put you on the starting line at the Indy 500? Would you have anxiety? Of course you would, because even with the best equipment there is a huge pressure to perform well and succeed.
Enlightened Shaolin Monks don't
Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, has AA of some sort. It's just a matter of pushing through it. You don't even have to overcome it. You just have to learn to move past it, sort of like an obstacle that is always in your way that you find a way to continually circumvent. |
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| Author: | Donny G [ Mon Jan 07, 2013 5:18 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: im feeling confident but never approaching... |
I would say forget about approaching girls for now. You obviously need to overcome this fear. I suggest going out with a girl and approaching couples. Try playing the couples game with her. Asking her how long she thinks the couple 'over there' has been together. Then approach a couple and opened with "Hey, I won't be long. I am sat over there with my female friend and we were playing a game trying to guess how long couples have been together. I said you guys have been together a while given your body language, but she seems to think you are in the first six months. We have a bit of money riding on it and she needs it more than me, so maybe you can give her some good news". They will give you an answer and you can bid them thank you and farewell. You can do this over and over. |
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| Author: | steviepua [ Mon Jan 07, 2013 6:16 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: im feeling confident but never approaching... |
There are different types of confidence. There is your confidence in your ability to drive a car, for example. There is the confidence to be able to do a good job in your work situation. It is not one discrete skills. Confidence is a process - a way of thinking and acting. It's a way of talking to yourself, managing your state and controlling your emotions. You feel 'confident' about how you look etc. What you lack is field experience and therein lies the Catch 22. You don't feel confident about going out to meet new people and as a result you are not getting anything to boost your confidence. If we were getting out there and having positive interactions with people, you'd have something to give feedback to yourself. You'd be able to say 'I'm doing OK here, talking to this person in a sarging situation'. What you ought to aim for is COMPETENCE. Would you rather be confident that you can drive a car or competent at driving a car? Focus less on the confidence aspect and think about ways of getting feedback from talking to people. Go out not to sarge, per se, but just to meet people. That way, there is less pressure on yourself and more focus on getting the feedback you need to start figuring out what is working for you and what needs tweaking. |
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| Author: | P.Noble [ Tue Jan 08, 2013 12:30 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: im feeling confident but never approaching... |
I would suggest starting completely from scratch. I am a teacher by trade, and in this regard when I was learning pickup I applied something I use when teaching kids called "scaffolding". Scaffolding provides support for you whilst you learn and become confident. It can be vital in providing a first step onto a ladder. In pickup scaffolding might be a rehearsed line or routine. For you I would suggest that before sarging you rehearse one greeting so that you can say it confidently and without thought. Scaffolding also means breaking things down. So when you go out don't begin by making an objective like "I need to get three numbers." Instead make an objective such as: "I will approach five girls using the line I rehearsed." As you become more confident with this objective you could create another objective such as: "I will approach 5 girls and stay in set for 2mins." And so on... In this way you become more capable of defeating AA one step at a time by having the necessary support but also more confident by slowly reducing the amount of scaffolding you use. By sticking to this you will eventually become more and more natural and not require the use of any routines. |
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| Author: | Bruce-Wayne [ Sun Jan 13, 2013 1:51 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: im feeling confident but never approaching... |
I feel you. I used to be the exact same way. I work from home/the coffee shop sometimes because I run an online business, so I didn't have any opportunities to meet too many people. I thought I was the s**t.....but I never approached girls. My excuses were that "I know I'm awesome, but if I start talking to girls I'll get too heavily involved and I'll lose focus on my goals" and I even got delusional enough to think "I know I'll open well if I open, but I'm just not interested" even though I didn't even try opening. I soon realized it was just inner-game issues with AA specifically. I had confidence in my self, my looks, my career, everything, but I didn't have confidence in approaching. Now being scared of losing my confidence, I didn't wanna open myself up to rejection. Then I ran into this hypnosis tape and started using it and in like 7 days I completely got over my approach anxiety. Now I approach girls regularly and realized how stupid and illogical approach anxiety is. All of the girls I thought "I was too good for" ended up being girls I was just afraid of approaching. Approach anxiety can cause you to make up a ton of bullshit excuses. Good luck dude. |
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| Author: | BeerGoggles [ Sun Jan 13, 2013 2:11 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: im feeling confident but never approaching... |
I too used to have AA. It wont be overcome overnight. but if you keep working on it like a couple people had said, you should be able to overcome it soon. baby steps are key. |
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| Author: | idoba [ Sun Jan 13, 2013 3:39 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: im feeling confident but never approaching... |
Quote: I feel you. I used to be the exact same way. I work from home/the coffee shop sometimes because I run an online business, so I didn't have any opportunities to meet too many people. I thought I was the s**t.....but I never approached girls.
Thanks for your response man! My excuses were that "I know I'm awesome, but if I start talking to girls I'll get too heavily involved and I'll lose focus on my goals" and I even got delusional enough to think "I know I'll open well if I open, but I'm just not interested" even though I didn't even try opening. I soon realized it was just inner-game issues with AA specifically. I had confidence in my self, my looks, my career, everything, but I didn't have confidence in approaching. Now being scared of losing my confidence, I didn't wanna open myself up to rejection. Then I ran into this hypnosis tape and started using it and in like 7 days I completely got over my approach anxiety. Now I approach girls regularly and realized how stupid and illogical approach anxiety is. All of the girls I thought "I was too good for" ended up being girls I was just afraid of approaching. Approach anxiety can cause you to make up a ton of bullshit excuses. Good luck dude. I've found many similarities between our stories! what's the hypnosis tape you're talking about? I might find it helpful. |
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| Author: | heat2 [ Sun Jan 13, 2013 5:33 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: im feeling confident but never approaching... |
Had this problem, but i was determined to solve it. I've started small, for example, whenever i want to do something and my mind tries to make an excuse not to do it, i do it anyways. It can be as simple as taking a glass of ice water from the bar. And all those small steps lead to bigger ones and finaly i convinced my mind that i'm the boss and don't take excuses  And after a short period I started approaching big time 
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| Author: | childplease247 [ Sun Jan 13, 2013 6:09 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: im feeling confident but never approaching... |
Quote: Thanks for your response man!
Agreed, please share!
I've found many similarities between our stories! what's the hypnosis tape you're talking about? I might find it helpful. |
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| Author: | anonymous man [ Mon Jan 14, 2013 8:22 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: im feeling confident but never approaching... |
Quote: My situation is that im feeling confident regarding my looks, personality, espacially my humour but the thing is that now im not taking part in any "organized phase of life" cause im working from home and I don't have the luxury of meeting girls naturally like in university or work place..
Looks doesn't matter really...
So after this short introduction my issue is that im having problems approaching to girls on both day and night game.. I can make excuses such as "my friends are also not approaching or having girlfriends" but it would be lame cause im feeling my problem is inner-game problem. How could it be that im feeling confident with both my looks and my personality but yet feeling unable to approach girls? Help would be very much appreciated! |
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