This is a cut & paste of the types of people you can expect to meet online. In my experience, this is dead on and the main reason why I don't do online dating.
What do you think?
TYPES OF WOMEN:
1. Rosie O’donnel
The girl who just won’t shut up. Apparently some girls like to chat too
much. So much, that when the guys are talking to them on the phone,
they cannot get a word in edge-wise. To make matters worse, the girl
talks AT them, not TO them. These types of girls are great for guys who
are just getting into online dating and really don’t know what to say. Just
sit back, grab a beer and every now and then go:
“Hrmm, that’s interesting !” followed by a few accepting grunts here and there.
2. The Serial Dater (a.k.a “Attention Whore”)
This is the girl that comes online with the sole purpose of getting as much
attention as she can from as many guys as she can. She may have recently
broken up with her boyfriend, or may have been dumped so bad that her ego
has taken a boo-boo. Generally speaking, she is very attractive and her
online personals email inbox is probably too full….so full that it takes her a few
days to answer your wink or email. She might have a few scantily clad pictures
up, with ample cleavage showing, or may have such phrases as:
“Am open to meeting all kinds of guys”
or
“I value a guy’s personality over his looks”
Unless you are a guy that has a perfect body and is the long-lost
identical twin of her ex boyfriend who just dumped her….I would have
to say your chances are slim to none with this girl. Her sole purpose is
to make herself feel better, and at the same time, toy with the emotions
of the guys she talks to.
Remember that epic 4 hour instant message convo you had with her
the other night? Sorry to break this to you, but she was talking to 3-4
other guys at the same time she was talking to you. Aha ! Now you realize
why it was taking her so long to reply to your instant messages?
3. Totally hot chick looking for an “average guy who understands me”.
Ok, my “bullshit meter” is going off the hook here. While I am trying to
fix it, here is how this one goes:
A cute (borderline beautiful) “girl” creates a online personality profile.
In it, she states that she is tired of the games guys play, and is looking for
an honest and open and genuine man to be her boyfriend. She might say that
“looks don’t matter” and she only cares about the size of a guys heart.
Stop for a minute before you respond to her personal ad.
Do you honestly believe that a totally “hot chick” has resorted to an
online dating service to find a boyfriend and she really doesn’t care about
what you look like and who you are? Ok….it could happen, I suppose. But
more often than not, it is someone trying to get your personal contact
information so that they can send you emails on how to enlarge your male
genitalia as well as any and all porn website advertisements.
How many “average looking guys” do you think that are on any given
online dating service, as compared to “totally hot guys”? I would say
10 to 1. So these people realize this and use it to their advantage.
4. Females they aren’t attracted to
Out of the 100 guys that I surveyed, a great majority of them said
that the “unattractive females” were a type of girl that they found
online.
5. Wham-Bam-ThankYou-Sir
I really don’t think this one needs any explanation at all.
Face it guys, no matter what you say….if a girl you are dating offers to
have sex with you on the first date….how many of you HONESTLY would
turn them down?
There are several adult online dating sites that carter to men (and women) who
are only out to have sex. True, if you look hard enough (and if that
is all you are out for) sooner or later you will find a women who is willing
to have sex with you within the first one or two dates. Chances are,
unless you specifically stick with the online dating services that cater
to the “hookup” types of people, you will most likely get rejected more
times than you can to imagine.
6. Girl that is looking for children or marriage
These are the types of women who are out for one thing and one thing only:
To get married/have children.
Generally speaking, you can tell that they
are out for this by just talking to them for a few.
She might be extremely picky, then again, a simple “let’s goto Vegas
and get married” will land you the prize fish. Good luck with that !!
7. Average girl
Average looks, average body type, average job, average sense of humor.
In short, an average girl. If you join an online dating service with any
sense of reality in your expectations, then you should look for one of these
girls to try and date. True, she may not be a size two….hell, she may not
even be a size 3-9, but one thing is for sure. If you two hit it off personality-wise
you have got yourself a honest and reliable girlfriend for a long time.
My advice? Go for the “average girl”. She will make you 100x more happier
than the blonde hair, blue eyes, size DDDD nympho that you met last
night online. Trust me on this one. I’m a girl.
8. Psychopath Patty
Hold on to your hats cowboys, you got yourself a live one here !!
Prozac, Xanax, Zoloft, you name it, she’s on it. Usually the relationship
starts off innocently enough….until you hit her “trigger”. Then all hell
breaks loose and you might start to realize that the gates of hell hath
just opened and out comes a personality that is slightly less than what
you expected.
Sidenote: More than a few guys have claimed that these so called
“psycho bitches” are GREAT in bed.
9. Must love (lots of) children
This is the girl that already has a few children and is looking for a guy
to accept her for who she is. She will usually come straight out and tell
you that if you don’t like children, don’t bother emailing her. I can
personally relate, since my sister is a single mother, and it can be hard
to find a good man.
The guys I surveyed however, reported a few girls that were just out
for money and a daddy for the youngins. I would advise you to keep
an open mind when talking to a single mother online, and never discriminate
just because she has children. But, I would also advise (until you feel that
you can trust her) to always keep an open eye for the few gold diggers
that might be out there.
10. The fat chick who thinks she can do better than you
Wow. Apparently this was a big one for the guys…..
A good portion of the guys I surveyed felt that they had been “discriminated”
against by women who they felt that were completely in their league.
Some guys reported that they had lowered their standards by talking to
these women, only to be rejected time and time again.
If I could strap on (no pun intended) my “P.C.” cloak for a minute and
try to save the guys some face by translating what they are trying to say:
Some girls are just too picky and unrealistically try to date
guys that are out of their league.
TYPES OF MEN:
1. Don Amore
This is the guy that falls head over heels for a girl
in a relatively short period of time. If you are still
in the “email exchange” process, he might send you
an email every morning, with a small anecdote of what
he did the night prior and wishing that you “have a super-dooper
day at work”. Every night at 8pm, he anxiously awaits
on GoogleTalk to see if you have logged into cyberspace
so he can begin the epic 3 hour chat with you.
After you two have met, the flowers and candies seem
to be never-ending. Romantic dinners, sweet nothings
being whispered in your ear, offering to fix the broken
window on your Honda Civic, this guy is a jack-of-all-trades
and ready to get to work ! He seems to be planning your futures
together, (even though you just met two weeks ago).
Ladies, if you believe in love at first sight, or think
with your heart, then this guy might be the right one
for you.
2. Saturday Night Evening Post guy
This is the guy who seems to be stuck in the
America of yester-year. Emails, internet and
generally everything tech may befuddle him.
He wishes for the “good ol’ days” when men were
men (and still in the closet) and women weren’t
as empowered as they are today.
Life to him is very simple. Man wakes up in morning,
goes outside and kills Brontosaurus with club.
Man comes home, sits down in his
recliner and smokes his pipe while awaiting wife
to serve supper. Right before bed, missionary sex
(sorry, no orgasm for wife) and another day as a
productive citizen of the United State of America
has been fulfilled.
2.5 kids, a white picket fence in the middle of the
suburbs and you are livin’ the dream baby !!
3. SexBob-HorneyPants
This is the guy who chronically masturbates when
talking to women online. Then after you meet
his only mission is to get down your pants.
Funny how every single email that he writes to
you, has some sort of sexual innuendo or connotation
to it. Most of the time you can tell who these types
of guys are from their first email. Bad grammar and poor
punctuation coupled with such questions as “ever do
a lesbian-clown-midget threesome?” could be a giveaway that he
is out for nothing else. He sometimes tries to play it off and
run it up the flagpole to see if it flies.
According to some of the responses I got back, this individual
has somewhat evolved over the years women have been
members of online dating services. Darwin, eat your heart out.
Back in the day, you could instantly tell that the guy
was out for nothing more than a wham-bam-thankyou-ma’am
in a mater of a few minutes.
Nowadays, these types of guys have taken their game to
the next level. Their first few emails and subsequent chats
might come off as completely innocuous and totally sincere.
They seem like “the perfect guy”. Then after they have you
mentally hooked, the “sex question” game starts….When talking
to a girl for 3 hours on instant messenger and at 11pm at night,
it usually doesn’t take much in the way of words to get the girl
“all warm and tingly” inside. If this is your thing ladies,
then go for it. If not, then let this serve as a red-flag.
4. Pity-Party Pete
His dog died, he got a speeding ticket last week,
the Angels lost the ball game.
If it isn’t one thing he is complaining about, it’s another.
Why does life have to be so hard ??????
This type of guy generally needs a woman in his life to
nurture him and take care of him. Someone hurt his feelings at
work? No worries, as you will hear all about it when he
calls you that night. Women that like to nurture their
men and play the mommy role are a great match for this
fella. Sex-wise….she might be the dominating one in the
bedroom.
5. Average Joe.
Average looks, average job, average sense of humor,
average everything. This is the type of guy that
you probably will be MOST compatible with. I realize
that there are a good portion of women out there
that join online dating services with unrealistic
expectations. Sorry ladies, you probably aren’t
going to find a buffed out hunk with 10 inches and
7 digits in his bank account.
If you can’t be with the one you love,
then love the one you’re with….
Doo do do doo doo doodoo do.
6. 5 year old photo guy.
Online dating. So simple, yet so complicated.
There are many different reasons why online
dating is so different than meeting people in
“real life”. Looks are definitely not one of them.
As in real life, women looking for love online
go for guys that they are physically attracted to. Being
that online dating is not “live”, some enterprising
fellows post outdated pictures of themselves (or worse yet,
pictures of other people). Gain a few pounds over the
past 5 years? Has Al Gore made another environmental
video about the depleting hair-zone on the top of your head?
No worries !! Just post an outdated picture and then hope
to all hell that the girl’s memory of what she thinks you look
like is outweighed by your wit and charm when you meet up in real life.
(believe it or not, there are a good number of women who really
don’t notice the guys picture is outdated)
There is no real way to tell if a guys picture in his online
dating profile is up to date. If for whatever reason
this is a concern to you, then ask him to take a current
picture of himself and email it to you. If you are still
not convinced then ask him to hold up a current copy
of the daily newspaper. If you still aren’t convinced
then hire a body double and let the body double
meet him in real life.
7. Herr Holy Roller
The guy that like to pass judgment on you. No matter
what you do, you will always feel inferior to him. He could
be a holy roller, going to church 2x a week, he could be Mr.
Morals and that one wine cooler you had last night is a sure
sign of an alcoholic (even though you don’t drink on a regular basis).
This guy generally likes to be in control, with absolute and
complete authority. He may have a really high education,
drive a really nice car and really care less if he remembers to
call you back after the first time you put out.
Women that are submissive and
like to be dominated (in or out of the bedroom) seem
to match well with this type of guy. (practice your delivery
of the words: “Yes Daddy” on the off-chance you
both wind up in a romantic sexual relationship……err I mean,
if he allows you the privilege of being his girlfriend).
8. The married guy
He has a wife (and maybe a few children he isn’t telling
you about.) and for whatever reason he has joined an
online dating service. It could be a harmless curiosity thing,
or it could be him trying to get out of the relationship
that he is currently in.
There is no real way of telling if the guy you are talking to
is married or not. Some sites likeeharmony.com
will not let you join if you are married.
9. Artsy Fartsy guy
To these guys, life is one big paint-by-numbers canvas.
Their online personality profile photos may be….well…..
Weird looking.
Pot smoking, coke snorting, licking dead toads….
All ways of getting inspired and in touch
with his inner Jackson Pollack (Anyone catch the
irony?). He may not have a lot of money,
but is rich in personality and life. Shoes and socks
are definitely optional. Sex will most definitely be good
….Tantrum, anyone?
This is the type of guy that most girls find either:
1. Totally and completely repulsive.
2. Hot as hell (“and probably a great way to piss daddy
off for not giving me a new BMW on my 16th birthday”).
10. Mr. Perfect
In short, the man of your dreams.
A total hunk. The shirtless picture of himself that he posted
in his online dating profile makes you start to think you could
wash your clothes on his rock hard abs. Perfect smile, perfect
teeth. He has trouble deciding whether to drive the BMW to the
yacht club or take the Mercedes (image is so important !!).
He knows exactly what to say at the right time and as hard
as you try, you cannot find one single thing wrong with him.
After you exchange a few emails with him, you find yourself
getting butterflies in your stomach when you think about him
while at work. It might even get to the point where you imagine
your “B.O.B” as him pile-driving away on occasion.
THIS IS WHY YOU JOINED AN ONLINE DATING SERVICE !!
To find a true man, the man of your dreams, the man who
will take you to greater heights than you ever have been before.
Guess what?
That “hunk” whom you were talking to for the past 2 weeks
online who still refuses to call you on the phone or meet up
for a date in real life? That was the 24 year old brother
of one of the women who answered my poll. Apparently,
he was so fed up with how some women were so superficial
and only went for looks, that he created a fake profile on
an online dating site just to show them that it goes both ways.
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So I just smile and walk away or blow it out and start over not wasting my time with it.