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Another Brilliant POF Profile - With emails
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Author:  Molson [ Tue Apr 26, 2011 12:12 pm ]
Post subject:  Another Brilliant POF Profile - With emails
Bonjour.

POF sucks. Online dating sucks. It always has and always will. If you are successful from it, sell an e-book. I have not used online dating for close to a year now, however the consistent emails I still get about my "matches" for the week have inspired me to have some fun.

This profile is completely nonsense. It is my original work, borrowing from recent humour trends, and I don't suggest copying it, but if you would like some humour added in to your day (or who knows, perhaps some success?) take a gander and stick with this thread. Every email I will send will be as ridiculous as my profile. This is for my own enjoyment and boredom. Since every girl on the site is an attention seeker, I might as well fuck with them. As well, I am impartial to your comments; if you do not approve, no need to view the thread. It is possible something will be learned from this, or I will meet a highly enjoyable female.


http://www.plentyoffish.com/viewprofile ... id=8080638


Email the first [HB8] - Nice, friendly looking girl -
Me: Hi. You have a very interesting face. I think it's very beautiful. Your eyes perfectly compliment it. But that's all irrelevant. It's what's inside us that counts, right? Like our intestines. Does your family have a history of colon cancer? I don't think I want to mix our DNA if they do; for my children's sake. That would suck for them, because they'd die. Anyway, send me a message back if your interested in discussing other features of our biology that could make us compatible for mating I mean dating.

Her: Hahah noo I can't say that my family has a history of colon cancer. That would indeed be a tragedy.

Definitely one of the only messages I have responded to on here lol.

P.S. I'd say that you're pretty fortunate with the dna you have because you look pretty cute as well.


Me: Yes, thank you. I did have a long look into my parents before I chose them. I think I made the right choice. Along with relatively good looks (I didn't want to make my life TOO easy) I also come with a keen sense of smell. I really like your perfume.

Also, upon noticing your pictures, my superb investigation skills have lead me to assume you are a former residence police officer. I hope those handcuffs aren't too tight. Actually, I hope they are.

Her: Haha you are too funny. It'll really impressive me if you can name the brand.

And yeah those handcuffs got broken lol such a shame

Me: It's very hard to distinguish from this distance. But it's very pungent.

Handcuffs are no longer "in," anyhow. Recent trends show people are going back to good old fashioned ropes and chains. Much more intimate.

Speaking upon intimacy, are you generally flirty with everyone, or do you prefer to save it for someone you're interested in?

I feel like qualifying her, not for the sake of it, but for myself, because I recently went out with one of those superflirts and it was really annoying.
Author:  Infamous110 [ Tue Apr 26, 2011 12:25 pm ]
Post subject: 
I have a friend who tells me he's quite successful there. I've been tempted since I guess it can't hurt.

Like the idea of this thread.
Author:  Molson [ Tue Apr 26, 2011 12:48 pm ]
Post subject: 
Email the Second [HB6] - Nerdy looking, but what a rack.. -

Me: Hi. I usually compliment a girl's looks, because I don't really know anything else about them. But I think that is shallow. So I will compliment your glasses instead. They are very nice glasses. I bet they allow you to read very well, even in dimly lit scenarios. I bet they came in a nice case, too. I think you should take a picture of the case with a thumbs up beside it, and send it to the glasses company. They would really appreciate it, and perhaps the employee would put it in his cubicle wall, along with his photo of his mother, since he is single and is having a hard time right now. I think he was contemplating suicide the other day. Perhaps the picture will cheer him up.

You have very nice breasts.

Her:




Email the Third[HB10] - Absolutely stunning girl 10/10 no question -
I actually like this email. I just made it up! I think she might even like it.

Me: You're not looking for friends. Come on, let's be honest. We all know why you're here. You are from a different planet (I believe Alpha X233) seeking to mate with our species for your alien race's research. I see right through the disguise.

It's completely evident throughout all your photos. Your human façade must have been built based off poor surveillance of our female species. For instance, your skin. It is way too smooth and silky in appearance, void of any imperfections, eloquently glowing and so perfectly reflecting the ambient light... Um... and, I mean, and your hair! Your hair is clearly fabricated. Just looking at that long, full, beautiful dark brown hair, so soft and naturally flowing around your neck and shoulders and... uhhh.. well, wait, no... just... your eyes! Those... beautiful eyes, oh, how a man could get lost in them, endlessly gazing into a blue ocean of magnificence..

You know what, I don't even care, you can have me for your experiments, you gorgeous alien you.




Email the Fourth[HB5] - Headline "No one puts Baby in the corner -
This email is fucking retarded. But it sorta just flew outa my fingers. Perhaps I need psychiatric help.

Me: Why doesn't anyone put Baby in the corner? Have you ever thought that maybe Baby was an insane, delusional, axe-wielding psycho-bitch? I have wondered this, more than any man should. In fact, I have spent the last 15 years of my life researching the whereabouts of the now "missing" (more likely hiding) Baby. It seems after her spout of dancing in a dirty fashion, many of her close friends became deeply concerned with her actions. It's not unreasonable, of course, considering she slaughtered her whole family one April evening. This would have come of more of a shock to everyone, had they not been cannibalistic by nature. However, the sheer gruesomeness did displease them (do you know how hard it is to find a severed finger in the middle of a couch cushion?).

Maybe they shoulda put Baby in the corner.
Author:  Molson [ Tue Apr 26, 2011 1:43 pm ]
Post subject: 
Email the Fifth[HB8-10] - No great shot but looks potentially gorgeous. On first date, insists you conceive a heated debate-

Me: Backstreet Boys are WAY better than NSYNC.

I mean, they are the original boy band for our generation. NSYNC was an untalented, copy-cat, studio band with no skill and terrible concert performances. What the heck was Bye-Bye-Bye, anyway? Is that what they called a song back then? No, Backstreet Boys will always be number one, from their lyrical brilliance to their angelic voices. I mean, when Nick Carter sings that solo in I Want It That Way, I always choke up a bit.


I eagerly await your rebuttal. If I receive no response within two days, I accept victory.



Email the Sixth[HB8] - This girl looks exactly like Kirsten Dunst -

Me: Kirsten Dunst, do you really need to be on POF? Like come on, you already had a go at spider-man. I mean I know he got really emo in the third movie, but you guys musta done some crazy stuff that I think would be too weird to even say. Now, I may not be a superhero but I do have some superpowers. Did you know that I once scaled mount Everest using only my pinky and a lampshade as shelter? I mean, no one saw it so it can't be officially confirmed, but I did it.
Author:  Bodega [ Tue Apr 26, 2011 2:35 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hahahaha. Had any replies yet!?
Author:  Molson [ Tue Apr 26, 2011 6:55 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Hahahaha. Had any replies yet!?
Indeed. First post.
Author:  PUA Kenny [ Tue Apr 26, 2011 7:09 pm ]
Post subject: 
Good post Molson.

I checced out your POF profile and it's definitely PU standard.

1 of the best online profiles I've ever ran across.

Im about to write a post about POF girls in a minute.
Author:  thumper858 [ Tue Apr 26, 2011 7:59 pm ]
Post subject: 
Originally nice!
Author:  Molson [ Mon May 16, 2011 2:28 am ]
Post subject: 
Instant response.

Email the Seventh [HB7] - Cute friend on the far left -
Me: Hey can I get that girl on the far left's number? I want to send her a dirty picture.
It's of my shoes. They got really dirty in the mud.

Her: haha cute! Dont think she would be interested tho



This can really be too much fun when you're as retarded as myself.



Email the Eight [HB7] - Stunning green eyes, but wtv -
Me: I think I've died and gone to heaven.. Cause a car hit me, and I lost a lot of blood, and the medics couldn't save me so like my spirit left my body, but then God said it wasn't my time so he sent me back as a golden retriever, and I was like wtf? I am not a golden retriever. But I lived my life anyways for 13 years cause that's about how long dogs live, and then I died again (just of old age) and was reincarnated as my current self.

Sup?

Her: (Good responses, conversation, could go somewhere...)


Email the Ninth[HB9] - HOT blonde, eiffel tower in the background -
Me: Is that the Eiffel Tower or are you just happy to see me... wait what?
Author:  Molson [ Mon May 16, 2011 3:19 am ]
Post subject: 
The point is to have fun..

Email the Tenth [HB9] - Chick with a big huge style -
Me: How many cans of hairspray could (username) spray in her hair if (username) could spray hairspray?

Honestly I don't even know if you used any, but that hair style is intense. I remember a Freaky Stories episode where this girl had a hair style like that from spraying her hair everyday, and then a beehive formed in it. LOL. Bees are so dumb.
Author:  GKS [ Mon May 16, 2011 3:39 am ]
Post subject: 
You're right, online gaming is much more of an experimenting process, where you throw bizarre stuffs at girl and enjoy seeing her reaction to it. I had girls that took almost 3 days just to come up with an "Aw thank you", she then later told me that she like it a lot but didn't know how to respond to it.
I was kinda lazy so I sent the same email to like 50 girls already lol, time to work on my creativity a bit more.
Author:  Maj [ Tue May 17, 2011 5:36 pm ]
Post subject: 
wow these are hilarious. keep em coming.
Author:  bounced23 [ Fri May 27, 2011 4:27 am ]
Post subject: 
emails are hilarious, profile is funny, lyrics at the end are pretty lame, if you were a girl I would have nexted you because of that.
Author:  c0ldfire [ Fri May 27, 2011 9:20 am ]
Post subject: 
Brilliant Post Molson

I like the Creativity of it while maintaining C&F attitude.

I was thinking to write my own openers a while ago but got busy with a million thing so didn't have time..but now you definitely inspired me to take action and write my own.
Author:  Paperbag_Hobo [ Sun May 29, 2011 2:57 am ]
Post subject: 
Powerful stuff my friend; I had an HB8 send me four messages in 20 minutes after using the colon cancer line; she kept telling me how our babies would be beautiful.

Keep up the incredible work!
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