If you actually write 'disclaimer 1' I think you should get rid of it. make it subtle. I'll give sugestions based on what works pretty well for me based on things i've picked up from forums etc.
Start with a welcome and then a joke to set the mood for the rest of the profile and then a humorous qualifier.e.g
A girl I am after MUST be an Animal lover, NO exceptions!!!... they are DELICIOUS!
I recently moved here (don't say where it gives them an opportunity to ask where from) to achieve my aspirations. My goals include mixing (say something that you want to achive then say something fancy and cool) and something else...I'm not telling at this point :p (creates mystery)
I'm very mature for my age I'm like a taller more handsome Yoda "Wise beyond my years" so I'm looking for a young padawan to take under my wing
. - I used to keep a list of things I love to to such as being barefoot, taking naps, TALKING for hours about philosophy -I ADORE chatting to captivating women about life and love. - Ican cook 20 minute brownies in 19 minutes.- But now I'm just looking for someone who will give me 4 hour body massages! (put whatever you want)Seriously…I don't always take life too seriously (it’s supposed to be fun). I am a challenging person and you have to really stand out to win over my affection… or be a great cook…
I work in real estate/ co- own a Restaurant/go to School, I need someone that wants the best out of life like me…. I am busy most of the time so you can say my time is precious. (get rid of this, talk to much about yourself, describe it instead of saying it if you must.)b (also what woman is going to want a guy who is too busy to spend time with her???)
I Have met various people from here but no one that has made me say WOW THAT’S HER. I would just for once like to meet a CAPTIVATING (get rid of cute its overused), PASSIONATE, sensitive girl, with a great smile coz there is nothing more rewarding knowing I put a smile on that face. doesn’t live in the past and expects the best of the future. That can smile even when soaked on a wet day. that would never take me too seriously and could make me laugh in case I took you too seriously. You know how to change your mind at the last moment and make it seem the most sensible thing in the world… IS IT YOU?
Here's a question. If I asked you're friends to describe you, what would they say?
At any rate, I'm more than your usual amount of interesting and funny so you better LOVE to laugh otherwise we're in trouble!
Then something like stop stalking lets start talking...
Let me know what you think