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| Any experienced online sargers wanna help with POF profile? https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=50&t=75615 |
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| Author: | daquix [ Fri Sep 24, 2010 9:41 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Any experienced online sargers wanna help with POF profile? |
Here is what I have. I copied, modified, tweeked ...etc many different profiles I have seen on here and on POF to make one that I think is pretty interesting. However, if its not, feel free to tear it apart. Plenty Of Fish About me I'm a hot-wired, always evolving, modern day guy. I'm interested in what's interesting, and quickly bored of small talk. I'm laid back, fast talking, slow thinking, disaster of a poet wrapped in a Football players body. I crave the sport and the contact - the rush of throwing your opponents body down the field. I've accomplished dreams and have more that I want to conquer. I'm a Business and Accounting student with a conquest for money, vacations, and touring the world. But let's be honest for a moment; What am I going to say in this section that is any different than any other guy or gal? I like music - so what, who doesn't? I like sports - if you're a guy, you probably do. You get the point. Sooo quickly: I say pop instead of soda, i like matchbox20 and music of that genre, i like doing things that are considered immature for my age and getting away with it, i like trying out new restaurants and bars, i like making an awkward situation just a little bit more ackward, i can live on watermelon and mac&cheese, i have a 9 month old jack russel terrier puppy, i'm analytical and fast talking and can argue with you that the sky isn't actually blue. I have my life together and I know what I want. I have no intention on changing those plans, so if you wanna come along for the ride, strap your seat belt because i'm not slowing down. First Date We can walk around downtown and give french fies to pigeons for all I care. As long as you're a cool girl, i'm down for anything. Thoughts? |
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| Author: | Mig [ Sat Sep 25, 2010 6:51 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
I actually like the poetic/rap style of your profile. It stands out a bit. One thing I like to do is use words that aren't so normal to read in a profile. "I'm interested in what's interesting" - Maybe, I'm fascinated by the fascinating "quickly bored of small talk" - I personally don't use a ton of words that make it seem like our conversations COULD get boring. "I'm laid back, fast talking, slow thinking, disaster of a poet wrapped in a Football players body" - I speak hypnotically, think intensively, my eyes are focused on you while you're focused on my words; I'm a disaster of a poet trapped in a lumberjack's body. (okay, so it seems foolish...but girls have a thing for the Brauny man...and you're going a bit strong on pushing the football I think) The following section is alright, I might put in some bolds on key words so they can read it faster (ex watermelon, puppy!). Take out argue...and take out fast talking...it's not DHV to talk fast. "I have no intention on changing those plans" - Eh...maybe makes you sound like you lack spontaneity. I like the first part of the first date. Make up another fun part after the pigeons and get rid of I'm down for anything. |
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| Author: | anonymousdt [ Sat Sep 25, 2010 7:25 pm ] |
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what Mig said. I think the slamming the guys down in football is a bit too macho and aggressive. They should see from your photos that you are a big strong guy that can protect them. Also, correct those typos. make sure to spell "awkward" right both times. french fries instead of french "fies," etc. I personally would capitalize all of the "I" or "I'm" but that's me. I think an intelligent woman who would be turned off by shortcutting language. I know I pretty much dismiss a woman's profiles because she can't write or spell or talks in text talk. But that's me. I would leave out the stuff about watermelon and macncheese. Health-oriented women will wonder, and not in a good way. Or make it compelling: "I've lived off watermelon and macncheese before (but that's a story for another time)" i would separate the paragraph starting with "soooo." it just makes it easier to read and jump from one paragraph/topic to the next. |
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| Author: | daquix [ Sat Sep 25, 2010 10:04 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Quote: I actually like the poetic/rap style of your profile. It stands out a bit. One thing I like to do is use words that aren't so normal to read in a profile. "I'm interested in what's interesting" - Maybe, I'm fascinated by the fascinating
Thanks for the tips! All great points and ones I wouldn't have thought of. Question though - what does the "i'm down for anything" part signify about me?
"quickly bored of small talk" - I personally don't use a ton of words that make it seem like our conversations COULD get boring. "I'm laid back, fast talking, slow thinking, disaster of a poet wrapped in a Football players body" - I speak hypnotically, think intensively, my eyes are focused on you while you're focused on my words; I'm a disaster of a poet trapped in a lumberjack's body. (okay, so it seems foolish...but girls have a thing for the Brauny man...and you're going a bit strong on pushing the football I think) The following section is alright, I might put in some bolds on key words so they can read it faster (ex watermelon, puppy!). Take out argue...and take out fast talking...it's not DHV to talk fast. "I have no intention on changing those plans" - Eh...maybe makes you sound like you lack spontaneity. I like the first part of the first date. Make up another fun part after the pigeons and get rid of I'm down for anything. |
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| Author: | daquix [ Sat Sep 25, 2010 10:05 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Quote: what Mig said. I think the slamming the guys down in football is a bit too macho and aggressive. They should see from your photos that you are a big strong guy that can protect them.
Also great points! Thanks guys, I really appreciate the help.
Also, correct those typos. make sure to spell "awkward" right both times. french fries instead of french "fies," etc. I personally would capitalize all of the "I" or "I'm" but that's me. I think an intelligent woman who would be turned off by shortcutting language. I know I pretty much dismiss a woman's profiles because she can't write or spell or talks in text talk. But that's me. I would leave out the stuff about watermelon and macncheese. Health-oriented women will wonder, and not in a good way. Or make it compelling: "I've lived off watermelon and macncheese before (but that's a story for another time)" i would separate the paragraph starting with "soooo." it just makes it easier to read and jump from one paragraph/topic to the next. |
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| Author: | bostonbasedbabe [ Sun Sep 26, 2010 1:09 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
No need to overanalyze minutia. Your profile is already 1000% better than 99.99% of the profiles out there that usually say something along the lines of "I have no idea what to write about myself." It's good to go. |
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| Author: | jurupa [ Sun Sep 26, 2010 12:45 pm ] |
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Its good. It can use some humor in it tho. |
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| Author: | Mig [ Sun Sep 26, 2010 2:55 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Personally I think "I'm down for anything" says to a girl "I'm not selective about what I do, who I spend my time with, or what goes on in my life and I don't take control of anything." Being with you should be a fun experience for a girl and she wants to come along for YOUR ride. If you want to show spontaneity and that you can make any situation fun, say it differently because 90% of guys will have the "down for anything" in their profile. Remember: "Being picked up by a pickup artist, when done properly, is a privilege" |
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| Author: | daquix [ Mon Sep 27, 2010 12:53 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Thanks to everyone for the advice. All considered and most of it was implemented! |
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