I thought it was a little flat myself. Maybe use the "shy" thing to make a connection instead of creating seperation.

"Are you a little shy? I think I am to. I noticed on your profile ______ and blah,, blah blah,,, "funny ending".

You did make a descent message no doubt. But maybe even in it's present form,,, if you could just tug a little bit more humor out. I mean,, keep the theme, but at some time, put a real smile on her face.

In the end,,, you wrote a form letter that could be sent to thousands of chicks who visited your profile. She'll know that. If you really think this one chick is hot, personalize it and make a connection with her with something from her profile. Find something cool, that most guys miss, but chicks notice. It's a good way to convey that you "get" her.

Well don't feel bad about that. It is a numbers game. Chicks get like 30 new messages everyday, the hot ones, maybe 100. That's exactly why a lot of guys just use a form letter and mass mail. Course that form letter better be pretty damn witty!

On my end, I like to write individual letters to try to get into girls heads, even knowing that approach will get less results. But it's my game. I think the results will be of way better quality. I'll go through her profile, everything, what she's wearing, what she said, whatever, and try to come up with some "angle" on her, to get a "read". It's a puzzle for me.

Just do things the way you enjoy dong them. When you start, you get a lot of read/deletes. So just keep working on it till the percentages go up.