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Please critique my Match profile...
https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=50&t=38395		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  Cool_Zero [ Sat Jan 31, 2009 5:06 am ]
Post subject:  Please critique my Match profile...
I am here for the same reason you're probably reading this, I'm looking for someone to enjoy life with... I stand 6'2" 190lbs. I'm honest, laid back but not lazy, pretty open and maybe to open at times... I like to be active and hit the gym at least 3 times a week but I am currently taking some time off due to an injury... I like to go out from time to time but not every night. Recently moved back to the area after spending a few years living it up in southern California, looks like I'm just in time for the cold/snow (what was I thinking?) I definitely miss the culture, all the great food, warm weather and beaches...
5 randoms about me:

1. I leave money in my shirt/pants pockets on purpose, that way when I find it I start the day in a good mood :) (you should give it a try sometime)
2. Once I had a great idea to use "Nair Sensitive Bikini Cream" on my nuts...... turns out it really wasn't "that great" of an idea after all........ I'm not gonna get into to much detail, I'm just going to say for the whole week after I walked funny...
3. There is only one thing in this world that can make me scream like a little girl.... Snakes... big, small, cobra, rattle or garter snake... keep em away... I get freaked out just looking at pictures of snakes...........
4. Once (or twice if your counting....) I was locked inside Toys"R"us alone.... overnite... and its really not as fun as you would think...
5. I know the secret!!!

15 Reasons I'm a good catch:
1. I'll make you laugh
2. You're safe with me
3. You'll love my dorkiness.
4. I'll circle your birthday on my calendar
5. I take a shower every day (sometimes twice)
6. I'll let you beat me at pool (LET you cause if I try, you'll still win)
7. I'll save everything you ever give me
8. My weird habits you'll find adorable
9. You really kinda would dig having someone to cuddle with on the couch
10. I can cook (well..some stuff)
11. I don't litter
12. I smell pretty good.
13. I know the difference between they're, their, and there
14. I'll laugh at every joke even when it's not funny (but only in public - when we're alone I'll tell you if it's not funny)
15. you don't want to spend Valentines day alone.

Who I would like to find:

I'm looking to meet new people, make new friends and see where things may go.... In the end I'd like to find someone with a little depth to them for companionship who shares similar interests, likes to explore new things, someone to go on amazing vacations/trips with and then in the next 2-5 years settle down to start a family. Someone who doesn't consider Applebees or TGIF their favorite restaurant & will encourage me to try new things. Has their independence but doesn't mind receiving help when they are in need. Enjoys traveling/weekend get a ways and isn't afraid of the outdoors (unless its winter...j/k) last but far from least and a must is a sense of humor, I'd like to be able to make racist, sexist and all around politically incorrect joke from time to time and you should too.



Thanks in advance.
Author:  jurupa [ Sat Jan 31, 2009 9:57 am ]
Post subject: 
So when is your next book going to come out?

I am joking. But your profile is way to long/big. Cut it at least in half. You can do away with the five random things and the 15 reasons why your a good catch (you might as well say 15 ways I am going to qualify my self to you. :wink: ). For the rest of it you may want to reword it with a bit more confidence and make it more manly as you come off a bit like a beta male.
Author:  Cool_Zero [ Sat Jan 31, 2009 1:56 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
So when is your next book going to come out?
LOL


How's this:

I'm honest, laid back but not lazy, and have a very open mind. I like to stay active and hit the gym at least 3 times a week. I Recently moved back to the area after spending a few years living it up in southern California, looks like I'm just in time for the cold/snow (what was I thinking?) I definitely miss the culture, all the great food, warm weather and beaches... But I'm sure I can still manage to find some trouble here...

Who I'm looking to meet:

In the end I'd like to find someone to enjoy life with who has depth to them for companionship who shares similar interests, likes to explore new things, someone to go on amazing vacations/trips with and then in the next 2-5 years settle down to start a family. Someone who doesn't consider Applebees or TGIF their favorite restaurant & will encourage me to try new things. Has their independence but doesn't mind receiving help when they are in need. Enjoys traveling/weekend get a ways and isn't afraid of the outdoors (unless its winter...j/k) last but far from least and a must is a sense of humor, I'd like to be able to make racist, sexist and all around politically incorrect joke from time to time and you should too.
Author:  czar1 [ Sun Feb 01, 2009 1:51 am ]
Post subject: 
I didn't think it was that bad. You actually kept me reading, even though it was long. Everything was written well and gave insight on the person. I think it would def keep a woman interested.
I think you can do a combination of the five random things and the 15 things. Put your favorite five on the list and do that.
Another important thing, perhaps most important, is your headline or title. Gott have a good one to catch their attention if your looks don't.
Author:  jurupa [ Sun Feb 01, 2009 10:06 am ]
Post subject: 
Cool_Zero - Better. You may want to reword it tho to make it more stronger language wise so that you come off as more alpha.:wink:


Quote:
I didn't think it was that bad. You actually kept me reading, even though it was long. Everything was written well and gave insight on the person. I think it would def keep a woman interested.
I think you can do a combination of the five random things and the 15 things. Put your favorite five on the list and do that.
Another important thing, perhaps most important, is your headline or title. Gott have a good one to catch their attention if your looks don't.
Girls tend not to read a guys profile on dating sites or social networking site. But if a girl sees a wall of text in the profile, she is even more unlikely to read what is there. Girls get tons of messages a day. they don't have time to read a wall of text. If the profile is short and sweet they are more likely to read it if they are interested.
Author:  Cool_Zero [ Sun Feb 01, 2009 4:44 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Cool_Zero - Better. You may want to reword it tho to make it more stronger language wise so that you come off as more alpha.:wink:

I guess that's my problem... I don't know how to write more alpha... are there just key words I'm missing??

Thanks
Author:  jurupa [ Sun Feb 01, 2009 6:13 pm ]
Post subject: 
Your not really missing any words, its more the tone of the words and the sentence structure that your missing. You have to be bold and confident in your writing. Also don't hold back, it won't hurt to make it more exciting either. Take your first paragraph for example:

I'm honest, laid back but not lazy, and have a very open mind. I like to stay active and hit the gym at least 3 times a week. I Recently moved back to the area after spending a few years living it up in southern California, looks like I'm just in time for the cold/snow (what was I thinking?) I definitely miss the culture, all the great food, warm weather and beaches... But I'm sure I can still manage to find some trouble here...

With really not changing a word:

I Recently moved back to the area after spending a few years living it up in southern California, looks like I'm just in time for the cold/snow (what was I thinking?) I definitely miss the culture, all the great food, warm weather and beaches... But I'm sure I can still manage to find some trouble here as I am an honest, laid back, open minded type of guy. I also like to stay active and hit the gym at least 3 times a week.

See the difference in just the change I did with your paragraph? It came out stronger/bolder with more confidence. In turn more alpha male. It is also a bit more lively as well.
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