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Girl Reluctant to meet
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Author:  Onoma [ Mon Jan 16, 2017 1:05 am ]
Post subject:  Girl Reluctant to meet
Girl "liked" me on OKC last weekend, I messaged her and we've been chatting ever since. Sometimes it takes her hours between replies and other times we'll have a discussion for a couple hours.

After the first "real discussion" I asked to meet up but she responded with:

"I like to talk to u so far because you're fun to talk to, but I'm not easy to agree to meet with someone. Don't feel offense I'm just a bitch who suspicious of everyone is a serial killer ​"

I responded saying I understood being cautious bit it's easier to get to know someone in person and joked that she could be fake.

We texted a little more for a couple days after that, then I dropped off for a couple days because I was busy. Started the conversation up again Friday and got intermittent texting (she doesn't like texting on phone I guess, so only get longer discussions when she can get on pc.) While we were talking she broke in asking how I was doing on the site, and claimed the only guy she'd met had insisted on it despite her saying she wouldn't date him because he had kids. After they met he harassed her a little over the phone so now I guess she's extra cautions...

Today we had a bit longer discussion, the weird thing was she complained about a couple messages she got. One from a guy that was a little rude, and another from a woman propositioning her for a threesome... which led to finding out she's curious about having a threesome and some other sex discussion ending with basically "if we get to the point you can fuck me" so I'm taking that as a good sign.

So question is, how do I get her to be comfortable meeting?
Author:  JackZero [ Mon Jan 16, 2017 1:11 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Girl Reluctant to meet
Why is she worth the effort? You want to meet and she gives you excuses. Regardless of her experiences, you're the one that's dealing with her baggage.
Author:  Arch Stanton [ Mon Jan 16, 2017 1:19 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Girl Reluctant to meet
Quote:
Girl "liked" me on OKC last weekend

Hit the gym, then the bars.
Quote:
I messaged her and we've been chatting ever since. Sometimes it takes her hours between replies
The fact you're counting the hours between her replies means you're thirsty as hell. You solve that by getting fit, and going to bars/the market/clubs/etc.

Quote:
We texted a little more for a couple days after that, then I dropped off for a couple days because I was busy. Started the conversation up again Friday and got intermittent texting (she doesn't like texting on phone I guess, so only get longer discussions when she can get on pc.) While we were talking she broke in asking how I was doing on the site, and claimed the only guy she'd met had insisted on it despite her saying she wouldn't date him because he had kids. After they met he harassed her a little over the phone so now I guess she's extra cautions...
She sounds boring.

Quote:
Today we had a bit longer discussion, the weird thing was she complained about a couple messages she got. One from a guy that was a little rude, and another from a woman propositioning her for a threesome... which led to finding out she's curious about having a threesome and some other sex discussion ending with basically "if we get to the point you can fuck me" so I'm taking that as a good sign.

So question is, how do I get her to be comfortable meeting?

Why are you talking about the potential of meeting, and all this bullshit, when you can just set up a meet?

"Hey Sarah, I'm celebrating good news at Bar XXX, tomorrow at 9. You're welcome to join."


Maybe she's just waiting for you to act like a man and lead? Control the frame.

She wants to make sure you aren't clingy, so indifference works to your advantage here. Start responding to her messages a day or two later.

If she says no, say "cool, I'm good either way" and don't contact her until she contacts you. And wait a day or two to message her back unless she asks to meet you.

Repeat one more time, and if she says no again, never contact her again and ignore all her messages unless she asks to meet.
Author:  Onoma [ Mon Jan 16, 2017 5:16 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Girl Reluctant to meet
Quote:
Why is she worth the effort? You want to meet and she gives you excuses. Regardless of her experiences, you're the one that's dealing with her baggage.
It's not exactly a lot of effort...

Quote:
Why are you talking about the potential of meeting, and all this bullshit, when you can just set up a meet?
Because I was responding to specific questions... I had already tried to set up a meet on the second day we talked.
Author:  JackZero [ Mon Jan 16, 2017 5:40 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Girl Reluctant to meet
Quote:
It's not exactly a lot of effort...
It's more than it should be. A girl that likes you shouldn't need to be convinced to meet you when you create the opportunity.
Author:  Arch Stanton [ Mon Jan 16, 2017 8:00 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Girl Reluctant to meet
Agreed. Too much effort.
Author:  Onoma [ Mon Jan 16, 2017 4:42 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Girl Reluctant to meet
I don't know, look at it this way:

If this was a girl in a bar and we had been chatting for a bit and she was giving IoIs but said she didn't know me well enough to give me her number, would you say walk away or just build more comfort or some other strategy?

Because that's kind of where I think I am now, but online...

The thing is I've never had this problem online before, I've always either gotten no response or gotten the girl to meet up fairly quickly. So just not sure how to deal with it... but "effort." I mean, it's a couple texts here and there... I can do that between sets at a bar if I need to! ;)
Author:  JackZero [ Mon Jan 16, 2017 4:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Girl Reluctant to meet
Quote:
I don't know, look at it this way:

If this was a girl in a bar and we had been chatting for a bit and she was giving IoIs but said she didn't know me well enough to give me her number, would you say walk away or just build more comfort or some other strategy?

Because that's kind of where I think I am now, but online...

The thing is I've never had this problem online before, I've always either gotten no response or gotten the girl to meet up fairly quickly. So just not sure how to deal with it... but "effort." I mean, it's a couple texts here and there... I can do that between sets at a bar if I need to! ;)
If I met a girl in a bar that seemed interested but didn't want to go any further because she didn't know me well enough, I would definitely walk away. How is she supposed to get to know me better if she puts up barriers to prevent that?

If it's not an effort to you to keep trying with this girl, that's your choice.
Author:  OG_Kdub [ Mon Jan 16, 2017 5:03 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Girl Reluctant to meet
Within 3-5 messages you should be getting the number...If it seems like pulling teeth just to get a number or continuous flaking on meeting up, move on. The girl you're talking to is a time waster. The fact you are tip toeing around and being overly sensitive is bad, it seems like she's the last woman on earth and you place to much value on her.
Author:  Diggy [ Sat Jan 21, 2017 11:31 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Girl Reluctant to meet
I disagree with the number in 3-5 messages. It took me 2 months to get my now ex to go on a date with me. (I was actually the only date she went on on tinder hahaha)

We had fun conversations every couple of days sharing fun events that happened in our life. As stated before never start a convo with "How are you doing? How was your day?"

I built so much comfort with her over those 2 months talking here and there that it almost felt like we were friends before we went on the first date. It was the least nervous I've ever been on a first date.

Point is, keep asking her to do some out there activity kayaking, hiking, mini golf, Dave and busters, invite her to a young Professionals event where there will be multiple people, or a large art festival going on (ask if she will be going." Again do this weekly every other week, don't seem needy and desperate for a date with her.

****If you really think there's potential, don't give up unless she gives you the silent SPAM. If she's not responsive, "She's dead to me."
Author:  Arch Stanton [ Sat Jan 21, 2017 12:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Girl Reluctant to meet
Quote:
I disagree with the number in 3-5 messages. It took me 2 months to get my now ex to go on a date with me.
Sad.
Quote:
built so much comfort with her over those 2 months talking here and there that it almost felt like we were friends before we went on the first date. It was the least nervous I've ever been on a first date.
Sounds like you had no other options
Author:  Diggy [ Sat Jan 21, 2017 1:00 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Girl Reluctant to meet
So quick to judge. Are you always an asshole in real life? Hahaha.

My point is if there is a girl you thinks attractive and you have some similarities and she's responsive, don't give up. Date other girls in the meantime and keep your options open.
Author:  Diggy [ Sat Jan 21, 2017 1:03 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Girl Reluctant to meet
Not all girls are ready to text or meet a guy they just met on the internet. Doesn't mean they should be kicked to the curb if they are responsive.
Author:  JackZero [ Sat Jan 21, 2017 3:49 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Girl Reluctant to meet
Quote:
I disagree with the number in 3-5 messages. It took me 2 months to get my now ex to go on a date with me. (I was actually the only date she went on on tinder hahaha)
If someone came to you and said that they were going to invest all of their money in lottery tickets, you'd probably say that they were stupid for doing that because the odds of it actually working out is ridiculous. If they used the argument that other people have won the lottery, would that prove you wrong about it being a good investment strategy?

There is going to be the exception to every rule. That doesn't mean that everyone should try to be the exception.
Author:  Diggy [ Sat Jan 21, 2017 5:44 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Girl Reluctant to meet
Right. Not everyone, but I would give the exception to a few.

I have three numbers and going on date with one tomorrow. But I still have one that will not give her number out to me and says she is busy but never said she wouldn't go out with me. Which she probably is busy with grad school and working full time. Point is I'm still talking to this one because she's responsive thru tinder. In the long run she may lose out but there is no point to not messaging her anymore just because she won't give me her number lol.

Some girls won't give there number until AFTER they have met you or you built up enough comfort with them over time.

I'm looking to date, not fuck around, maybe that's where you guys are getting confused at what I'm saying.
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