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Please Critque my Profile
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Author:  BadBoy84 [ Tue Jun 04, 2013 2:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Please Critque my Profile
I've become more confident in approaching in person, but I still see online dating as a backup tool for meeting someone. I figured it doesn't take much effort, and since the internet is always running, it may as well do some running for me; two fishing lines in the water is better than one.

I've had about 10 different variations of my online profile over the last year trying to find the "perfect" response rate, and they've ALL been mediocre at best. I'm a sarcastic person, and like to have fun; the issue(s) I've found is that what sounds funny in your head, and what may be funny in person, can get grossly misinterpreted in txt, and can turn women away. I'm finding it hard to walk the fine line between humble/sincere and cocky/funny; sometimes I think I end up too bland, or too aloof. Below is what I have, any input is appreciated!


My self-summary

Do you like watching movies? I freaking love to watch movies; comedy, action, sci-fi, horror - we could watch the crap out of some movies together. Haha. How about water ice, and the city night life? How about both at the same time? You like to spend time outside? I like to be outside; summer is the best when you have a BBQ, some cold beers, a pool/beach, cool people, baggo, and washers (I'm the washers champ!).

One day of the weekend you'll find me (or won't find me if I'm good) in the woods, dressed up in camo, shooting at people with balls of paint, while the next day you may find me in class learning how to hack computers, and digital forensics. Maybe it was an "off" weekend and I decided to go to MD with my cousin to hangout at his camp ground to BBQ, party, and ride his jet skis. Maybe my cousins and I decided to sign up for "Tough Mudder" and that is the weekend we decided to swim through 32 degree ice filled water (profile pic). Weekend nights, I don't know; bar, AC, PH anyone? I'm always down for a chill movie night too. Mon - Fri is "Office Space" from 8-5; afterwards I'm either in the gym "lifting things up and putting them down," and/or in my Krav Maga class dodging punches, kicks, electro-shock knives, and airsoft guns. :)

I like good people, good food, good liquor, good music, and good times. I'm just living life trying to get the most out of it, while having the most fun. As you can probably tell I have good energy, consider myself a sarcasm connoisseur, and have lots of interests; I'm looking for a cool chick that I vibe with, and can chill with - my P.I.C!


What I’m doing with my life

Currently I work full-time as a Network Administrator (I keep the computers computing, and the printers printing), and I'm a full-time student. I have my A.S in Criminal Justice, and I'm currently going for my B.A in Computer/Network Security. My goal is to get into State Police, Federal Law Enforcement, National Security, or with a lucrative private company.



I’m really good at

martial arts, paintball, computers, washers, and I can grill a mean burger. I'm also good at making people laugh; the world needs more humor.




The first things people usually notice about me

I can do a wicked impression of Porky the Pig, and my height; no I don't play Basketball. :)



Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food

Music - Turn on the radio; if it isn't oldies or scream-rock, I probably listen to it.

T.V - I like 2 and a Half Men, Anger Management, Big Bang Theory, History/Discover/Science Channel.

Movies - Anything with zombies, blood/gore, aliens, killer robots, explosions/guns, laughter, or boobs.

Food - I'm Italian, 'nuff said. :)



The six things I could never do without

phone, car keys, clothes, water, food, and air.



I spend a lot of time thinking about

My future; what I plan to do with it, and who I'd like to spend it with.



On a typical Friday night I am

My weekend night range from just hanging out watching a movie, to a night out on the town. I'm always down for something fun and interesting.




The most private thing I’m willing to admit

When I was a kid I wanted to be a Ghostbuster when I grew up; I still do.



I’m looking for
•Girls who like guys
•Ages 24–29
•Near me
•Who are single
• For long-term dating, short-term dating

You should message me if

you're a woman who: is curious about the world they live in, can take a joke and are not easily offended, believes that sarcasm is the spice of life, is playful, is loyal, is family oriented, is mature, is generally happy, can touch their nose with their tongue (put your tongue back in your mouth, you Goofball. :-D); the rest is negotiable.

If this woman sounds like you, feel free to contact me!
Author:  TheFury [ Tue Jun 04, 2013 2:43 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Please Critque my Profile
Self summary is pretty good, but you have way too much info. Just becuase okcupid asks you a question, doesn't mean you have to answer it.
Author:  BadBoy84 [ Tue Jun 04, 2013 2:45 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Please Critque my Profile
in your opinion; what should I cut out?
Author:  TheFury [ Tue Jun 04, 2013 2:52 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Please Critque my Profile
Quote:
in your opinion; what should I cut out?
The six things
The I spend a lot of time thinking about
The what i do on a friday night

I would also cut down the list of traits you are looking for in a woman. This serves no purpose but to potentially turn some woman off who doesn't like one of the things you said. I would just leave sarcasm is hte spice of life and the tongue thing .. take the rest out . Who doesn't want a loyal, honest woman?
Author:  BadBoy84 [ Tue Jun 04, 2013 2:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Please Critque my Profile
hmmm...valid point.

thanks!
Author:  BadBoy84 [ Thu Jun 06, 2013 2:10 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Please Critque my Profile
how is this? Is this better?


Do you like watching movies? I freaking love to watch movies; comedy, action, sci-fi, horror - we could watch the crap out of some movies together. Haha. How about water ice, and the city night life? How about both at the same time? You like to spend time outside? I like to be outside; summer is the best when you have a BBQ, some cold beers, a pool/beach, cool people, baggo, and washers (I'm the washers champ!).

One day of the weekend you'll find me (or won't find me if I'm good) in the woods, dressed up in camo, shooting at people with balls of paint, while the next day you may find me in class learning how to hack computers, and digital forensics. Maybe it was an "off" weekend and I decided to go to MD with my cousin to hangout at his camp ground to BBQ, party, and ride his jet skis. Maybe my cousins and I decided to sign up for "Tough Mudder" and this is the weekend we decided to swim through 32 degree ice filled water (profile pic). Weekend nights, I don't know; bar, AC, PH anyone? I'm always down for a chill movie night too. Mon - Fri is "Office Space" from 8-5; afterwards I'm either in the gym "lifting things up and putting them down," and/or in my Krav Maga class dodging punches, kicks, and defending against electro-shock knives, and airsoft guns. :)

I like good people, good food, good liquor, good music, and good times. I'm just living life trying to get the most out of it, while having the most fun. As you can probably tell I have good energy, consider myself a sarcasm connoisseur, and have lots of interests; I'm looking for a cool chick that I vibe with, and can chill with - my P.I.C!

You should message me if you're a woman who believes that sarcasm is the spice of life, and you can touch your nose with your tongue (put your tongue back in your mouth, you Goofball. :-D); the rest is negotiable.

I'm not really good at wring these things: if try to make things funny, I end up with a goofy/sarcastic sounding, immature, flaky profile, if I try to make it more "serious," I end up with a bland, yawn-inspiring bore fest.

how about just?:

I like good people, good food, good liquor, good music, and good times. I'm just living life trying to get the most out of it, while having the most fun. I have good energy, consider myself a sarcasm connoisseur, and have lots of interests. I'm looking for a cool chick that I vibe with; who I can hangout and have fun with.

You should message me if you're a woman who believes that sarcasm is the spice of life, and you can touch your nose with your tongue (put your tongue back in your mouth, you Goofball. :-D); the rest is negotiable.

short, sweet, to the point; better?

here's my profile: http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=56346423
Author:  TheFury [ Thu Jun 06, 2013 3:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Please Critque my Profile
Maybe it is just me, but the words vibe with sounds kinda creepy. I think it's better, but I would still make it shorter. Perhaps keep the first paragraph and hte good people good whatever paragraph and cut out that middle crap.
Quote:
how is this? Is this better?


Do you like watching movies? I freaking love to watch movies; comedy, action, sci-fi, horror - we could watch the crap out of some movies together. Haha. How about water ice, and the city night life? How about both at the same time? You like to spend time outside? I like to be outside; summer is the best when you have a BBQ, some cold beers, a pool/beach, cool people, baggo, and washers (I'm the washers champ!).

One day of the weekend you'll find me (or won't find me if I'm good) in the woods, dressed up in camo, shooting at people with balls of paint, while the next day you may find me in class learning how to hack computers, and digital forensics. Maybe it was an "off" weekend and I decided to go to MD with my cousin to hangout at his camp ground to BBQ, party, and ride his jet skis. Maybe my cousins and I decided to sign up for "Tough Mudder" and this is the weekend we decided to swim through 32 degree ice filled water (profile pic). Weekend nights, I don't know; bar, AC, PH anyone? I'm always down for a chill movie night too. Mon - Fri is "Office Space" from 8-5; afterwards I'm either in the gym "lifting things up and putting them down," and/or in my Krav Maga class dodging punches, kicks, and defending against electro-shock knives, and airsoft guns. :)

I like good people, good food, good liquor, good music, and good times. I'm just living life trying to get the most out of it, while having the most fun. As you can probably tell I have good energy, consider myself a sarcasm connoisseur, and have lots of interests; I'm looking for a cool chick that I vibe with, and can chill with - my P.I.C!

You should message me if you're a woman who believes that sarcasm is the spice of life, and you can touch your nose with your tongue (put your tongue back in your mouth, you Goofball. :-D); the rest is negotiable.

I'm not really good at wring these things: if try to make things funny, I end up with a goofy/sarcastic sounding, immature, flaky profile, if I try to make it more "serious," I end up with a bland, yawn-inspiring bore fest.

how about just?:

I like good people, good food, good liquor, good music, and good times. I'm just living life trying to get the most out of it, while having the most fun. I have good energy, consider myself a sarcasm connoisseur, and have lots of interests. I'm looking for a cool chick that I vibe with; who I can hangout and have fun with.

You should message me if you're a woman who believes that sarcasm is the spice of life, and you can touch your nose with your tongue (put your tongue back in your mouth, you Goofball. :-D); the rest is negotiable.

short, sweet, to the point; better?

here's my profile: http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=56346423
Author:  BadBoy84 [ Thu Jun 06, 2013 9:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Please Critque my Profile
I agree; less is more, it seems, when it comes to online profiles. How about this?

I like good people, good food, good liquor, good music, and good times. I'm just living life trying to get the most out of it, while having the most fun. I work hard (and play harder), have good energy, consider myself a sarcasm connoisseur, and have lots of interests. I'm looking for a cool chick that I can hangout with, and have fun with. Life's one big journey, and it's more fun when you have a sidekick. :)

You should message me if you're a woman who believes that sarcasm is the spice of life, and you can touch your nose with your tongue (put your tongue back in your mouth, you Goofball. :-D); the rest is negotiable.

I think this "covers all the bases" without my profile being a wall of words. I'm using online dating to supplement "real life." Two fishing rods in the pond are better than one, but I want to make sure I have good bait.

Thoughts?
Author:  TheFury [ Thu Jun 06, 2013 10:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Please Critque my Profile
Quote:
I agree; less is more, it seems, when it comes to online profiles. How about this?

I like good people, good food, good liquor, good music, and good times. I'm just living life trying to get the most out of it, while having the most fun. I work hard (and play harder), have good energy, consider myself a sarcasm connoisseur, and have lots of interests. I'm looking for a cool chick that I can hangout with, and have fun with. Life's one big journey, and it's more fun when you have a sidekick. :)

You should message me if you're a woman who believes that sarcasm is the spice of life, and you can touch your nose with your tongue (put your tongue back in your mouth, you Goofball. :-D); the rest is negotiable.

I think this "covers all the bases" without my profile being a wall of words. I'm using online dating to supplement "real life." Two fishing rods in the pond are better than one, but I want to make sure I have good bait.

Thoughts?
I def think its an improvement .. I would take out the goofball part.. i would just do put your tongue back in your mouth!! :)
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