PUA Forum :: Profile Critique round 2

Opener; "I am a bit of a geek" - you open with disqualifiying yourself.

"You could say I am creative" - you either are creative, or not. "Generally, people tell me I am creative."

"I am in Sydney but really want to be in London." - you are in Sydney. Sydney is THE place to be. You are at the place where the shizzle really happens and you are right there at the epicentre of it. You can add that, perhaps checking out London some time or another might also be cool.

Don't say you are shy and all that crap. Say: "I find myself drowned in thought sometimes, deeply concentrated. Perhaps I could still be a bit more extrovert at times."

I assure you there will never be an awkward silence. Why so defensive, why then, has she reason to assume there would be an awesome silence with you, sometimes? This makes her NLP and think back of awkward moments while reading your post. Why would you want her to have these assocations. Write: "never a dull moment."

The first move comment is really good!

First date also great - excellent work there buddy.

Author:	Pad120 [ Mon Jun 03, 2013 6:38 am ]
Post subject:	Profile Critique round 2
Hey guys, I have taken feed back from the first time I posted about this and now this is my new profile. It still needs critique so fire away boys, hammer it down and let me know. About Me So I guess you could say I'm a a bit of a geek. Its at my core. During high school was considered to be the shy, quiet one. I'm not as shy or quiet as I use to be... but I am certainly not an extrovert. You could say I am a very creative person. I am currently a game designer but I often say to people, If I was not a game designer, I would be a film director, if not a writer or an artist. I guess it is because I love to create experiences for people. Things such as creating worlds, evoking emotions and providing people with enjoyment, these kinds of things bring me satisfaction. Some could say I have too many aspirations. I want to be the best at everything I am interested in.... and I am interested in a a lot. I want to achieve everything I can in life. I'm from Sydney, but wish I was from London. You know, I think I will just eventually buy a boat and sail around the Mediterranean, visiting places like Venice and Naples and if not, I will buy up an old mansion in England... or maybe an island somewhere... I can promise you. If we hang out there will never be an 'awkward silence' so don't worry. If you're nervous I will just tease you. .I'm the guy who is perfectly comfortable making the first move; whether it be a romantic kiss on the doorstep or throwing you up against a wall and making out with you hard in the rain. I can sense chemistry and I'm not afraid to act on it. P.S Give me some advice! Tell me which ones you like and which ones I should ditch First Date We can always fly around the city saving people from all the bullets and explosions, or perhaps unleash my master plan to take over the world if that is more your thing. Then afterward dress up in our fine evening wear act like Old English nobility having waiters come to our tables while we order their finest wine.

Author:	Mr. Marville [ Mon Jun 03, 2013 12:04 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Profile Critique round 2
Opener; "I am a bit of a geek" - you open with disqualifiying yourself. "You could say I am creative" - you either are creative, or not. "Generally, people tell me I am creative." "I am in Sydney but really want to be in London." - you are in Sydney. Sydney is THE place to be. You are at the place where the shizzle really happens and you are right there at the epicentre of it. You can add that, perhaps checking out London some time or another might also be cool. Don't say you are shy and all that crap. Say: "I find myself drowned in thought sometimes, deeply concentrated. Perhaps I could still be a bit more extrovert at times." I assure you there will never be an awkward silence. Why so defensive, why then, has she reason to assume there would be an awesome silence with you, sometimes? This makes her NLP and think back of awkward moments while reading your post. Why would you want her to have these assocations. Write: "never a dull moment." The first move comment is really good! First date also great - excellent work there buddy.

Author:	Pad120 [ Mon Jun 03, 2013 3:30 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Profile Critique round 2
Quote: Opener; "I am a bit of a geek" - you open with disqualifiying yourself. "You could say I am creative" - you either are creative, or not. "Generally, people tell me I am creative." "I am in Sydney but really want to be in London." - you are in Sydney. Sydney is THE place to be. You are at the place where the shizzle really happens and you are right there at the epicentre of it. You can add that, perhaps checking out London some time or another might also be cool. Don't say you are shy and all that crap. Say: "I find myself drowned in thought sometimes, deeply concentrated. Perhaps I could still be a bit more extrovert at times." I assure you there will never be an awkward silence. Why so defensive, why then, has she reason to assume there would be an awesome silence with you, sometimes? This makes her NLP and think back of awkward moments while reading your post. Why would you want her to have these assocations. Write: "never a dull moment." The first move comment is really good! First date also great - excellent work there buddy. For the opener I use it as target to draw in the type of girls I want. It's actually I line I took out of 'The Art of Online Dating' by Romes Rasmussen. I also took 'I'm not as shy or quiet as I use to be... but I am certainly not an extrovert' from it. So I'm not sure if I am maybe using the technique wrong. The 'I am from Sydney but want to be from London' is 'I'm from Sydney, but wish I was from London' So I'm not saying I want to be IN London, I'm saying I want to be FROM there because it reflects on my personality and my persona as a posh young gentleman that you would find in a Jane Austin novel. This is a technique I got from 'The Gentleman's Guide to Online Dating' by Derek Cajun, (He in fact the person who is teaching the Love Systems workshops in Sydney) So again I'm not sure in I am using the technique wrong but that is what I am going for. The awkward silence quote I also took from Derek Cajun, so I guess the rest of my profile isn't backing it up like you said. Thanks for the feedback, I will take it into consideration.

Author:	TheFury [ Mon Jun 03, 2013 5:59 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Profile Critique round 2
(1) The first date part is pretty good, the rest is crap. As others have said, don't open with saying you are a geek unless you are going to counterbalance that with some very non geeky stuff. Why would you disqualify yourself from basically any girl who isn't into geeks right off the bat and continue to throughout your entire profile? Seems stupid. Also, this profile is boring, a profile should be an advertisement that makes a woman want to meet you, not a page out of your autobiography. That book I guess is clueless if it tells you to write that line. There will be some very good literature coming out on online dating very soon (hint hint where a lot more will be revealed.

Author:	Pad120 [ Tue Jun 04, 2013 3:50 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Profile Critique round 2
Hey guys, Do you know what I should do for an opener, I am finding myself stuck with an opener to use. At the moment I am trying 'Good morning/ evening lady's welcome to the fine place that is my profile, where you will be treated to a look into one of the worlds greatest questions. Who am I?' But to be honest I think it is a bit campy or bragging.

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Author:	TheFury [ Tue Jun 04, 2013 1:23 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Profile Critique round 2
Quote: Hey guys, Do you know what I should do for an opener, I am finding myself stuck with an opener to use. At the moment I am trying 'Good morning/ evening lady's welcome to the fine place that is my profile, where you will be treated to a look into one of the worlds greatest questions. Who am I?' But to be honest I think it is a bit campy or bragging. How bout "Your mother's worst nightmare!!"

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